Page 77 of The Idiot

Am I dreaming? My God, I never want it to end.

He’s being so tender and cautious, it’s damn near breaking my heart. His palm makes a gentle sweep over my stomach, up my chest, and back down, like he’s trying to soothe me and ensure I’m relaxed. His shallow little thrusts are doing me in. For a guy who’s broken nearly everything of mine he’s ever touched, l never imagined his bedroom etiquette would be so thoughtful.

Thrusting back, I try to let him know I can handle more enthusiasm, that I’m desperate for it. Each time I do, his gasps of surprise spurn the fire in my belly. Pretty soon, I’ve scooted back so far that I’m basically on his lap, so I give up my prone position and rise.

“Oh, shit,” he gasps, clutching onto my chest. “Fuck, Murph.”

Reaching back, I drag his mouth to mine and start riding him. “You feel that? I told you you’d fit.”

His answer is a whimper as he seeks my mouth again and reaches for my cock. I cup my hand over his, my head spinning at the sensation of feeling him everywhere.

“Fits so damn good, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he babbles nonsensically.

It’s madness and nirvana—the way each slide onto his lap fills me. The way I know the shape of his cockhead now, like a well-traveled path each time it grazes my prostate. And yet, still, it’s not quite complete. I don’t think it’ll ever be complete until I tell him how much I love him, but that’s my limit. That’s one thing Jesse’s going to have to do first. I’ve laid bare all I can.

He’s here now, though. Doing this lover’s dance with me, so I tell him with my body the words I refuse to let go.

Caressing, kneading, grappling—we’ll both probably be covered in bruises. Auggie barks at my doorway like he thinks we’re killing each other.

“Murph,” Jesse says desperately, “I can’t. I…”

He pulses inside me, letting me know what he couldn’t hold back. It’s all I need to let go. I drop my head and roar, my ring constricting around him. Our hands are covered in my release, but I don’t even care as I lower my palms to the bed and ride the waves.

Each warbled groan he lets out when he feels my sphincter spasm makes me shudder as my body clenches around him like a hug. His hand, warm and rough, circles over my ass like he’s praising my body. I can feel his thighs trembling against the backs of mine. They say sex changes things. I think they’re right. Nothing will ever be the same for me after this.

We fall to the mattress on our stomachs like rag dolls, his chin landing on my shoulder. With my eyes closed, I bask in the sated sensations for a while, nearly being lulled to sleep by the brush of his fingertips over my ribs.

Cracking an eye open, I find his blissful face on my pillow. Handsome. Sexy. And just… Jesse. My Jesse.

I hope one day the post-intimacy anxiety that always blooms in my chest will cease to exist. I feel it now as his eyes flutter open and gaze at me.

“Told you your dick isn’t too big,” I murmur, raking the back of my index finger over his thumb.

A puff of laughter. He sighs and scans my face.

“What do you think?” I ask, no longer able to withstand hearing his verdict.

“I think… I’m really looking forward to your mom being on midnights.”

CHAPTER 27

Jesse

“You know you have three moles above your right ass cheek?”

“Jesse,” Murph huffs, the shower water sluicing off his forehead as he glances over his shoulder, “if you’re more interested in my moles than what we’re doing, we need to try something different.”

I halt my next thrust once I’m comfortably buried back deep in his heat. There is nothing more interesting than what we’re doing, but I’m curious where he’s going with this. Does he have more tricks? Has he been holding out on me these past two weeks?

Sucking a water droplet from his shoulder, I nuzzle the back of his neck. “Different like what?”

Huffing in frustration, he wriggles free of me. What does it say about me that I like when he gets aggravated over delayed gratification? Knowing he needs me and that I hold the answer to his dilemma is a turn on.

Spinning around, he jerks me to him, covering my mouth like a punishment. I come up gasping for air. Sexually frustrated Murph is the best kisser.

Shoving me backward, he doesn’t stop until he’s knocked my knees out from behind me with the perch in my shower. Does he want a blowjob? I’m getting pretty good at them and love the way he paws at my head while I do it, but that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

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