Page 75 of The Idiot

“No, I… I want to.”

Shifting around behind him on my knees, I get the view from a new angle. Damn, he’s gorgeous; thick thighs, beefy cheeks, perfectly curved, a dusting of hair sprinkled in his crease.

How a guy’s ass, his hole, and his drawn-up sack are gorgeous, I don’t quite understand. Maybe because it’s Murph. Or probably. Or definitely. My friend, the man I care about and respect more than any other person on the planet. A guy who served his country, lost his father, takes care of his mom and his land—and what he wants is me. Me, to give him this incredibly intimate thing. Because itisintimate; it’s not just sex if it’s us, is it? At least, not for me.

I try not to take anything too seriously. I spent my life with a brother who did and looked miserable because of it. I thinkthat’s what has me hesitating now. This is very serious. It feels like he’s giving me something precious. He’s trusting me with his body, and he knows it’s my first time. I’m grateful it’s him. I can’t imagine it being with anyone else, but how can he have so much faith in me?

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” he whispers. “Just use lots of lube, on both me and yourself.”

Hand trembling, I tear open the condom and somehow manage to put it on. Coating my shaft in lube, I can’t tear my gaze from his hypnotic backside. The perfect line of his spine connects to the part above his meaty globes that I’ve palmed dozens of times now. The shadowed part of his crease and the puckered skin in the center are like a beacon for where he wants me.

There.In there.

What if I’m terrible? What if he hates it? I don’t want to let him down.

“Are yousureyou’re sure?”

“Jesse… look at me.” I do, even though I realize that was metaphorical when he adds, “What else do I have to do? Put a sign on it? Yes. I want it.”

Glancing at my glistening hand, I swallow, and then reach for him. His pucker greets my fingertips with a small twitch, like a living, breathing thing, invigorated by my touch. His contented sigh sends a wave of heat through me. He’s mesmerizing, the way he’s responding to each brush and swirl of my fingertips. And that he’s warm there, so warm, promises of the environment awaiting me.

My cock is twitching at the sight and sensations, eager for the unknown. Taking myself in hand, I delicately brush my tipover his entrance. He lets out a puff of breath and pushes back against me. His body barely gives way, letting me know just how restricted my target is.

Gripping his hip, I ease back. “It won’t fit,” I warn, panic seizing my chest, and maybe even disappointment.

“It will.”

“It won’t. My dick is too big.”

He peers over his shoulder. I don’t understand why he looks so calm. “It’s not. Trust me.”

I’m too spun up to contemplate if that’s a size dig as I reassess my cock and the tiny circumference of his hole. I don’t care what he says. Shaking my head adamantly, I have to tell him for his own good.

“It is. It’s huge. I’ll hurt you.”

“You won’t. I know a trick. Just push against me.”

“Atrick? Does it involve magic dust? Because I don’t see how else this can safely work.”

Sitting up on his knees, he twists and cups my jaw. “Jesse, do youwantto do this?”

Shit. I’ve ruined the moment.

Listen to me, calling it a moment when this is probably no big deal to him. I mean, he’s done it before. Clearly. He knows tricks for crying out loud.

“I… did; until I did the math.”

Chuffing, he kisses me and smiles. “Do you trust me?”

Is that a trick question? There’s no one I trust more. “Yeah. Always.”

“Then trust me when I say we’ll both enjoy this, and no one will get hurt.”

I nod because I want to believe him. He turns back around and resumes his position.

“I’m ready when you are,” he assures me like that’s supposed to make me less wary.

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