Page 63 of The Idiot

“That’s not the point, Jesse. It was stupid and unsafe. Promise me you won’t do anything like that again.”

Rolling his eyes, he lets out a guttural sound. “Fine. Yeah. I promise.” Biting his lip, his gaze tracks down my body to where our pelvises are still pressed together. “So, are we doing this or what?”

I want to eat that hungry look off his face with my mouth, but one of us has to be responsible here. “We need some ground rules first.”

“Rules?” he protests, like I’m the fun police.

“Yeah. We’ve been friends forever. I’m not going to fuck that up with this. We stop whenever you want to stop,” I inform him, hoping that he never wants to stop. But I would and I will if it comes to that. I’ll probably die from it, but I won’t make him uncomfortable. “And I’ve been gay my entire life. You haven’t. If there’s something you don’t like, you need to tell me. Alright?”

“Alright,” he concurs softly, flashing me a shy smile.

It makes him look virginal, which I know for a fact that he isn’t. At least, not regarding women. I’ve never been with a virgin, and it scares me how possessive it makes me feel me to be Jesse’s first anything with a man. The thought ofpaving the way over his body where no man has gone before stirs something primal in me, as if I don’t already have it bad enough.

“What about you? Do you have anything you want to add?”

Shrugging, his index finger traces the waistband of my boxer briefs. “No.”

Wow. He gave that a lot of thought.

Sighing, I feel my shoulders relax now that the business end of things is over. I’m nervous. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous with a guy. It’s not just a guy. It’s Jesse. Jesse and I are going to…do things. Where do I even start? Lowering my head, I brush my lips over his collarbone.

“Wait!” he presses against my shoulder.

Fuck. He can’t handle it already.

“What?”

“You’re not still trying to meet someone on this cruise, are you? I mean, that’d be kind of weird if you hook up with somebody, and we’re… if we’re…” I blink at his stammering. “Well, I’d feel kind of dirty. You know?”

I think that’s his way of saying he’d be jealous, and I think I’ve wanted to hear those words for years because adoration blooms and swells around my heart. Tracing his jawline with my fingertip, I shake my head.

“No. I don’t mess around, and I get tested after I’ve been intimate with someone, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.” I don’t want to freak him out with promises. I don’t even know if he knows what he wants yet, but for the moment, he wants me, and I want to keep it that way. “If I’m with you, I’monlywith you until you say otherwise.”

It’s the closest thing I can think to say that doesn’t sound like, ‘my heart is yours forever.’

His mouth ticks up at the corner, and his hands smooth up my sides. “Okay. Cool. Um, I had a check-up a few months ago when I found this itchy spot on my nuts and—” He trails off, watching my face, so I take care to close my gaping mouth. “Anyway. Everything was fine. I’m good too.”

I should probably not overlook the itchy nuts comment, but all that really stuck with me was ‘a few months ago.’ He hasn’t messed around in a few months? The possessive urges inside me ramp up another five notches. Maybe Jesse isn’t as promiscuous as I thought, which makes him feel even more like mine.

Tongue darting out, he licks his lips and watches his hands as they trace across my pecs. I still can’t believe he’s looking atmelike that, all hungry and eager.

Burying my face in his neck, I breathe in his scent and send up a silent prayer. It feels like I’m skating on a pond of thin ice, but it’s still the only place I want to be, even if I fall through and freeze to death.

Tracing the cord in his neck with my tongue, I sigh when his hips wriggle beneath me, wanting. Grinding back, I grip his hip, holding him in place and reveling in the feel of our friction.

“Pull me out,” I whisper against his pulse.

His sweaty fingers fumble with my waistband, slipping inside. They hesitate for a second, but then wrap around me. It steals all my air. Jesse—touching my cock. I have to remind myself to breathe.

“Now you,” I rasp.

I want to watch his every reaction but am too afraid to look at his face and shatter his curiosity as he fumbles to free himself. When our cocks meet, I shiver. Jesse’s sharp intake of breath tells me he’s enjoying the greeting, too. Reaching overto the nightstand, I scramble with a shaky hand to retrieve my lube from my toiletry bag.

“Give me your hand.”

When he holds out his palm, I dribble the liquid into it, and then toss the bottle on the mattress. Peering down between us, I line us up and then whisper, “Hold us together.”

The look of wonder in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate in recognition of what I’m suggesting, is just one more turn on. With laser focus, he wraps his hand around us and gasps. His grip is loose, and it’s killing me not to move, but I don’t want to rush him. With labored breath, he just stares at the sight of us enclosed in his hand.

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