Page 34 of The Idiot

Why does he look annoyed again? I’m leaving him alone like he asked me to. Am I not allowed to be on the same deck as him?

Frowning, he starts moving again, and I swear it looks like he’s picked up his pace. Is he trying to get away from me?

“Geez, he hates me,” I mutter.

“Is that your friend you told us about?” Darnell asks.

Tearing my gaze away, I focus on my cracker and shrug, so I don’t sound too pathetic. “Yeah. The bearded one, not the sparkly one.”

I told them we grew up together, and that I came here to provide moral support, but that was the extent of it. They don’t need to know Murph’s history. Again—who’s a great keeper of secrets? This guy. Right here.

I don’t know how gay code works, if someone here might not like that Murph hasn’t come out to many folks where we live, but I’m not going to do anything to ruin his chances of finding love. I mean, not that Walt or Darnell are on the market. They said they’ve been happily married for fifteenyears and just like to go on cruises to spice things up a bit. I get it. My dad barely leaves his recliner after a day on the orchard. So, good for them.

“Well, you’re in expert hands here. Let him do his thing, and we’ll take care of you,” Darnell assures me, giving my knee a squeeze.

Man, even my thigh muscles are tense. This is getting ridiculous. Murph’s giving me so many knots, I’m going to need to see a chiropractor when I get home.

Walt’s capable hands smooth across my upper back and down my arms like a calming balm after working on my shoulder knots. “All right. Lie down. Let’s work on your back now,” he says, standing up from the lounger where he’d been straddling it behind me. He’s so spry. I hope I move that effortlessly when I’m his age.

“No, really. I’m good.” I cast a look between him and Darnell. Does Darnell not care if he has his hands on another man? Clearly, I’m young enough to be their son, but still. A shoulder massage is one thing, a back massage is entirely another when a guy’s husband is within punching distance. Right?

“Walt has magic hands,” Darnell assures me, lowering his sunglasses where he’s lounged, soaking up rays. “You’d be missing out.”

Before I can articulate more protests, Walt lowers the back of my lounger to a prone position and pats the netted fabric. “Give me ten minutes, and you won’t remember your friend’s name.”

I want to tell him that’s impossible. I appreciate that he and Darnell are so in tune to my heartache, though. Old people are such good listeners.

I sneak another glance in the direction that Murph and his new friend went, but I’m not as stealthy as I hoped. Murph catches me and scowls. That scowl goes right to my heart. I feel so damn empty inside. He’s acting like I have the plague.

The day I fixed his tractor, he gave that unconvincing, ‘Yeah.Sure,’ when I tried assuring him he could count on me for anything. I’ve never seen him not have faith in me before. It stung. The longer that‘Yeah. Sure,’tumbled around in my head, the more that panic settled in.

I was losing him. I was sure of it.

And then Pete showed up at Mom and Dad’s that weekend again with Cam. Nothing new. They’d been coming every weekend since the first time Pete brought him home, except this time they weren’t glowing with happiness.

The story that Pete unloaded on me, my parents, and Miranda that night when Cam went up to bed still makes me sick to my stomach. Poor Cam was basically banished by his father when he found out Cam was dating Pete.

Who does something like that to their own child? Now, poor Cam has basically been holed up at my parents’ house, so his father doesn’t try to whisk him away somewhere out of sight.

It’s made me wonder if Murph was worried about experiencing that type of rejection from me. At first, I was bitter to discover his family knew all along while I hadn’t, but that petulance died a quick death when I saw what the alternative could be. I’m glad my brother is using his hard-ass powers against someone who deserves it. If Cam’s family doesn’t want him, I’m with Mom and Dad—he can have our family.

It’s what I wanted to show Murph—he can be whoever he wants to be, and I won’t let a soul make him think otherwise.I couldn’t sleep until I bought my plane ticket. Maybe I read too much into what happened to Cam, but I didn’t want Murph thinking he had to banish himself to some secret cruise to be gay only here.

Now, though, I’m second-guessing my motives. Was I being selfish by coming here?

I can’t deny that my decision to book this trip mademefeel better.

Crap. Maybe I was selfish.

But I can’t lose Murph. I just can’t. And now I think I pushed him farther away. This is awful.

Flopping down onto my stomach, I turn my woes over to Grandpa Walt’s adept hands. If everything inside is going to hurt because of my potentially dying friendship, at least I can alleviate the pain on the exterior. Too bad Walt’s grandpa magic can’t cure a broken heart because I’m pretty sure mine’s been split in two.

CHAPTER 8

Murphy

Peering around the corner that leads toward the Asian Grille, I detect no traces of anything sparkly. No one decked out in cruise ship buttons. No one with grabby little hands that have explored nearly every inch of my body in the past forty-eight hours. I don’t think I’ve ever been touched that much with my clothes on. Philip has officially rewritten the definition ofdetermined.

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