Page 13 of The Idiot

Watching them converse, I realize now just how many times I’ve seen Murph talking to them while I’ve been preoccupied with watching the dance routines. He really was never into this. Was he? Why didn’t I see it? The things you blind yourself to.

Today, he said he came here to spend time with me. The compliment still sends a warm rush all the way to my toes. Realizing he had to bullshit with two veterans just to tolerate spending time with me while I did my thing, though, makes my gut feel like it’s been sucker punched. What would he have rather been doing? I hate that I don’t know. Fishing or hunting?Does he even like fishing and hunting or were those a ruse, too?

Waiting alone at the bar, it feels like I’ve lost an appendage. We’re supposed to be like Driver and Passenger—always together. It feels like the passenger just got kicked out of the car, though.

I know he said it was only this ‘one thing’ that I didn’t know about him, but that can’t be true, considering he apparently isn’t the rodeo fanatic that I thought he was.

Crap. I bought him a bull rider bobblehead doll for his birthday this year. I feel so stupid now.

Ralph finally moseys over, taking his sweet ass time about it. Sunday service here sucks. Alexis would never keep me waiting this long, but I’m glad Ralph lets her have the slow nights off.

“What’ll it be, Jesse? You need a shot?”

“No. I need a new beer. This one’s warm. You might want to check if your cooler went out again.”

What the heck is the snort for? He knows I could probably fix it for him for free if he needs help. No chance of that, though, if he’s going to be all salty.

Grabbing another from the same cooler, he sets it down in front of me and levels me with a look as he takes my old one. “That’ll happen when you nurse it for an hour.”

An hour? What is he smoking? There’s no way I’ve been sitting in here talking to myself for an hour. Is everyone a liar?

Taking a swig, I make sure to keep my challenging gaze fixed on him. The ice-cold beer slides down my throat like liquid nitrogen. When I set the bottle down, my fingers are practically numb from the chill.

Damn. That’s… frosty. Mighty frosty.

His smug expression tells me I’ve lost all concept of time tonight. Thanks for that, Murph.

“Four dollars,” he informs me, folding his arms over his chest.

Alexis lets me run a tab and pay at the end of the night. Has Ralph always been such a dick?

He could do without the smirk. Forty-eight dollars in an hour and what have I got to show for it? I still have a million unanswered questions and no plan. Worst hour of therapy in my life.

Okay, so, theonlyhour of therapy of my life, but still. It’d be nice if it had bought me the assurance that I’ll be keeping my best friend and not just a large Oreo Blizzard.

Where the heck is Cheri, anyway? These feelings aren’t going to eat themselves.

CHAPTER 3

Murphy

“You’re sure you don’t want any of this?”

The aroma from Mom’s shepherd’s pie is still lingering in the kitchen, making my mouth water as she wraps up the casserole dish.

“No. Jesse should be here any minute.”

“Where are you two headed tonight? It’s kind of early.”

My face heats at the implication she suspects we’re not hitting up the Dew Drop directly. I am probably the most confusing son in the world, but she’s never questioned why I go to a female strip club. I’m not ready to tell her I finally broke the news to Jesse, at least not until I know how he’s taken my truth now that he’s had a few days to process it.

I can’t believe he invited me out tonight. It sprouted a tendril of hope in my chest when I got his text earlier. It’s been three days since I shared my news. I was starting to think he was going to fade into oblivion.

JESSE: Maloney Baloney, you want to hang out tonight?

ME: Sure.

‘Sure’was a much less enthusiastic response than the one I felt inside. He even called me ‘Maloney Baloney,’ that stupid nickname he gave me when we were nine.

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