Page 79 of The Idiot

“Is that… okay?” he hedges, glancing over at me as he buttons his jeans.

“Y-eah.” It’s more than okay, except it amplifies the neediness coursing through me after whatever emotional missing-you game we just exchanged in the shower. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

His mouth ticks up at the corner. “Nothing to be sorry about. How about after you’re done helping your mom tomorrow? We could go out for a drink or something. I don’t think we’ve been to the bar in ages. They probably think we died.”

“Well, I kind of promised Alexis that I’d work on her car afterward. She and Cheri are going to be cooking a little dinner thing for the girls and promised to feed me as payment.”

“You want some company?”

I want to sayyes. It’s a completely plausible activity that we would have done together pre-exploration, but now? All I can imagine is me being too distracted by his presence while I try to work on Alexis’ car.

“Nah. I know that kind of strippers aren’t your thing, and I’ll get it done quicker if you’re not there. Thanks, though.”

His expression shutters, but he nods. Reaching past me, he grabs his sweatshirt off my vanity and dons it without a word.

Is he mad? Why does this feel so uncomfortable? We’re supposed to be friends, and now I’m too terrified to do friend things with him because I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself.

He fell asleep here last night. Waking up next to him in my bed felt way too good. He said he should get home, but I’m pretty sure I’m the one who conned him into the shower.

Shit. This is getting out of hand. What is wrong with me?

I hate this ever-present war inside me lately. Part of me says I should keep myself away from him while another part longs for the way I feel when we’re together. Eventually, we’re going to have to figure out how to be friends who don’t get each other off. I can’t say I’ve ever had the urge to settle down, but Murph gave me that whole speech before the cruise about wanting what his parents had. I imagine he’s going to want to get back to looking for that some day. It won’t be fair of me to keep distracting him.

Back in my room, I can see the imprint from his head on my pillow. I ignore the anxious flurry that stirs in my chest, wondering if we’ve crossed some line I can’t ever return from. Murph isn’t out in Wenatchee, except to me and his mom. I haven’t fucked that up so far, but if I don’t get my act together soon, I could. I can barely keep my hands off him as it is.

I don’t know what his reasons are for staying under the radar, but I don’t want to find out if he’d be forgiving if I accidentally blew it for him. Still, I can’t stand the thought of him sitting at home alone by himself for Thanksgiving.

“Did you want to come to my folks’ place for Thanksgiving? Or… would that be weird? I mean, we’re always together, and you’ve stopped by on Thanksgiving before.”

He has. It’s totally a platonic friend activity that doesn’t make me look like a greedy orgasm thief, nor an event where anyone would question why the two of us are there together.

“Do youwantme to come?”

“Sure.”

Slipping into his boots, he smiles. “Okay. Thanks.”

He makes his way over to me, stopping just a few inches away. This is the most confusing part—goodbye kisses. How do you go your entire life being friends with someone to getting goodbye kisses? Or rather, how do you stop giving and accepting goodbye kisses once you’ve started exchanging them?

Maybe Thanksgiving is a bad idea after all. I’m so much needier than I thought.

CHAPTER 28

Murphy

The screen door creaks, despite my efforts to guide it carefully shut behind me. It’s no matter, though. My gaze connects with Mom’s from where she is in the kitchen.

“Well, hello stranger,” she calls, buttering some toast. “I didn’t see your truck outside when I got home. I was starting to worry.”

Shit. I knew I should have skipped the shower at Jesse’s, but he was… convincing. And I’m easily convinced when it comes to him. I could say I went out for breakfast, but I don’t think I’ve ever left the house for breakfast at six a.m. in my life.

“Morning. Sorry. Fell asleep at Jesse’s last night.”

Auggie prances over, demanding to be petted before I let him out to do his business. Mom still hasn’t commented on her thoughts about my whereabouts last night. Good. Maybe it’s forgotten.

Grabbing a mug from the cupboard, I pour myself a coffee and accept the slice of toast she hands me. After the thousands of calories I burned last night and this morning, I try not to eyeball her plate of eggs. I’ve never been in better shape, and it is entirely a result of my sex workout the past month.

“You two have been spending a lot of time together since you got back from your trip. I take it you worked everything out?”

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