Page 7 of The Idiot

What if he’s not? What if this is the day I find out just how accepting my best friend is now that the question has presented itself so close to home for him?

Spinning around to face me, his eyes are wide. “Did you see that? I knew it! I called it the second he brought Cam home.”

He knew? Then what the hell was this about? Confirmation?

“Um… they’re a couple, I take it?”

“Yeah. I still can’t believe it. Remember, I told you that Pete got pissed when I tried to take his phone last weekend when I thought he was texting a woman?”

“Vaguely.”

Throwing up his hands, he gestures wildly. “He tackled me into Mom’s rose bushes. You had to pull a thorn out of my back. I swear, you never listen to me.”

It was the first time I touched a man’s flesh in three months. Of course, I remember. Rolling my eyes, I start toward Sully’s Bar and Grille to hide the flush taking over my cheeks. I try notto make a habit of touching him, but the big baby wouldn’t quit his crying. Smallest thorn ever.

“I was saving the brain cells for more important memories,” I call over my shoulder.

“Yeah, well,thatwas the woman. He must have been talking to Cam, and thenbam! He shows up with him here yesterday morning and says it’s his ‘buddy,’ but you should have seen them. They couldn’t take their eyes off each other all day yesterday, and then he tried to make this whole nonchalant deal about sharing the same room with him.”

I’m not liking where this could be headed.Iwant someone to not be able to take their eyes off me.Iwant someone to share my room with. If I’m lucky enough to find someone like that, how the fuck am I supposed to keep my best friend if this is how he’ll react? Does it weird him out? He doesn’t sound disgusted, but why the dramatics? Granted, everything about him is dramatic and is usually amusing, but I had hoped this would be one topic where he drew the line at his over-the-top reactions.

“Are we eating or what?” I ask, stopping outside of Sully’s and angling my chin. “You promised me lunch.”

“How can you think of food right now?” he wails, holding his hands aloft. “This is like the most monumental news of my life. My brother is gay!”

I can’t breathe. Like, seriously, can’t fucking breathe. My stomach just took a dive, making the thought of getting lunch now the last thing I want. I yank the door to Sully’s open, though, and force out words. “Let’s get a burger.”

Walking in, the dim lighting in the bar blankets me, making me hope no one can see that I’m seconds away from hyperventilating. There are a few local farmers at some tableseating lunch. Why do I feel like a fraud, as though I’m bare-ass naked? They don’t know, and I don’t care what they’d think if they did.

I used to think that was the problem—that I’d become some local spectacle if anyone besides my family knew about my sexuality. I’ve always respected Pete, but that level of respect just skyrocketed. He just held hands with a guy downtown and the world didn’t end. Idon’tgive a fuck what anyone would think, anyone but one person. As always, everything hinges on Jesse.

“Man, I can’t believe it,” he elaborates, taking the bar stool next to mine without even looking at me. “He never said anything. He dated that Lauren chick for a few years. They even got engaged. Remember her? Fuck me eyes and long legs?”

I grunt in acknowledgment at his vulgar description of Pete’s ex. Mentioning Pete’s dating history further highlights his ignorance.

“Bisexual,” I mutter, scanning the menu even though I know it by heart.

“What?”

“Outside… you said Pete was gay, but he’s dated women before, so… so maybe he’s bisexual,” I rationalize.

“Oh, yeah. I guess,” he replies absently, and then holds the sides of his head in his hands, resting his elbows on the bar. “Man, I still can’t wrap my head around it. I mean, me and Miranda were teasing him yesterday, but I was just giving him shit. You know? I didn’t expect him toactuallybe gay.”

And he claimedIdon’t listen to anythinghesays. His ignorance isn’t his fault. We basically live under a rock, but it’sstarting to grate on my nerves knowing how south this thing is going.

“Bi,” I emphasize, pointing at the beer we drink when the bartender comes over.

“What?”

“Bisexual,” I clarify again, looking him in the eyes as if to challenge him, even though he’s got no clue of the silent storm brewing inside of me. He said he was giving his brother shit. There are some things you just don’t give people shit about. Even a terrorizer like him has to know that.

“Oh, my gosh! I legit just got confirmation like five minutes ago and am still trying to absorb this giant thing I didn’t know about my own brother, and you expect me to know all the terminology? What are you? An expert?”

I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t. I can’t baby him forever.

“No, butI’mgay.” The words launch out of my mouth like a weapon before I can even second-guess if I want them to. Breathe, Murph. Holy shit. Just breathe. “So,” I continue, trying to keep my hands from trembling, “I know the difference.”

I hold my breath again. He blinks and blinks. It’s quite possible that I’m having a heart attack. And then… he laughs.

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