Page 58 of The Heart

And nowI’vestopped moving, wondering how often throughout the day her piercing rubbed on the fabric unhindered. I make some sort of noise deep in my chest from the thought and Leena laughs.

“Clothes. Off,” she says.

I smirk, keeping my eyes on her as I slowly lower my pants then step out of them. She stares.

“Come on, darling,” I say, stepping into the shower and dragging her with me.

I immediately take her mouth with mine, letting the water run down our faces as I pull her body up against me, my lips frantic. She kisses me back, but all too soon she pulls away, holding my face between her hands and looking up at me with some disapproving look I can’t figure out.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, concerned.

“You can’t just fuck me every time you want to avoid whatever it is you’re upset about,” she whispers.

“I’m not upset,” I say quickly.

“Seb,” she says, looking up at me with those big eyes, the water lingering on her long lashes. I stare at her, then narrow my eyes, wondering how she could have known I was upset. I haven’t even admitted that to myself yet.

She’s right, as usual.

“Should I not have invited Colton over tonight?” she asks.

“No, no. He’s… well, he’s alone. And I…” I trail off, looking for the words.

“You know how that feels,” she finishes for me.

“Yeah, I do. I’m glad you asked him,” I say. And I mean it.

“Then what is it?”

I lean my forehead against hers, close my eyes and take in a breath.

“I’m just… confused,” I say. But I know that’s not really an answer.

“You’re allowed to be,” she says softly and her words hit me somewhere unexpected.

I am?I’ve worked my whole life to be sure of everything. To make quick, solid decisions and to stick by them. I’ve never been…confusedabout anything. So why the fuck would this be any different?

“You’re also allowed to be with Luke officially, if you want to be,” she continues.

“Leena, I don’t think it’s a good id–”

“I can see how much you want to be near him. How much it hurts you not to be. How much it hurtshim. You can be whatever you want to be in public, or keep it private, I already told you I’ll support you both either way. But what I’m not okay with, is seeing you like this. Whatever decision you make needs to be the one that makesyouhappy.” She runs her fingers lightly over my cheek and I lean into the touch. “You don’t have to tell the whole world, you know. You don’t even have to tell the team. Maybe just start with one person?”

I take in her words. Every. Single. Fucking. One. Of. Them.

Am I really hurting Luke?

I suddenly feel this pressure in my chest, as if someone is pressing down on me and won’t let go. Was I really so fucking caught up in my own shit, so busy avoiding my feelings, to think for one goddamn minute about what this was doing to Luke?

Thinking about letting everyone see what we are when I don’t even know is fucking terrifying.

Not the whole world.Just start with one person.

“I don’t know how he would react,” I find myself saying to her, closing my eyes as the water pours over our bodies, her hands still grasping my face.Good.I need them.

I need her to hold me steady.

“Do you think he would judge you?” she asks honestly. But that’s an easy answer.

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