Page 2 of The Heart

But how can I be fuckinglonely?I’ve been on my own for most of my life, so why do I suddenly care now? Why does it matternow?

I chose this life. Chose to do my own thing, no matter how chaotic it is or irresponsible it makes me.

I chose to alienate myself from everyone around me.

Maybe the fact that I’m getting older is starting to sink in. Thirty was a fun time. It was the thrill of being out of my twenties, of being old enough for people to start taking me fucking seriously, but now that’s over.

Thirty-one feels like an existential crisis.

I glance down at my phone, realizing that it’s still early. The Club doesn’t even open for nearly twelve hours, so there’s no sense in heading there now.

I walk into the living room and drop down onto one of the leather couches. They also came with the place, because I didn’t want to fucking deal with buying anything when I’m hardly ever here anyway. If it weren’t for the bed or bathroom the cleaning lady I pay to come once a week would probably wonder if anyone even lives here.Maybe I should buy some trinkets or something.Looking around at the ultramodern decor and otherwise empty room is not helping my mood.

I stare at my reflection in the television that covers the entire wall, then search for the remote, finding it just out of reach.

Shit.

Oh well,there’s probably nothing I’m particularly interested in watching anyway. So I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts until one makes me smile. I tap the call button.

“Hello?” a confused voice asks on the other end of the line.

Great start, Colt.

“Hey, Sophia!” I say, trying to sound chipper.

“Colton?Why are you calling me?” she asks, her voice kind despite her confusion.

“No reason, just wondering if you wanted to have lunch or something later today?” I ask, already thinking of several eclectic places I know she would love. We’ve had dinner and fucked several times over the years, so I’ve gotten to know her pretty well.

“Lunch? No, I don’t think so. But maybe I’ll reach out another night?”

I squeeze my eyes shut, suddenly feeling incredibly stupid for calling her when the sun is still up. I know what we are; don’t know why I would think otherwise.

“Yeah, no worries, babe,” I say quickly, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Bye, Colton.” She hangs up.

I continue scrolling through my contacts, smiling even wider this time as I hit the call button, I have a great idea. Like me, Sam is an adrenaline junkie and we’ve had some pretty great times, even during daylight hours.

“Colton?” she asks, but there’s not enough in her tone for me to determine if she’s happy to hear my voice, so I just start talking.

“Do you want to go skydiving today? I know this guy who can take us up. He’s got this little plane over in–”

“Colton, it’s seven AM on a fucking Monday.” She chuckles.

“So?” I ask, wondering what that has to do with skydiving.

“So?I have work, like most adults.”

I sigh, knowing that she didn’t mean that as a dig, but kinda finding it impossible not to take it that way. I make a shit-ton of money, I just don’t do it on Monday mornings. Not sure how that makes me less responsible, but apparently, it does.

I don’t regret my lifestyle choices.

Because Mondays fucking suck.

“Another time then?” I ask, trying to keep my tone light.

“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see,” she says.

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