Page 107 of Is It Casual Now?

“I’ve made you coffee, if you can bring yourself to sit up.” Siena ignored Jamie’s accusation.

“You don’t play fair at all,” Jamie said as she moved, shuffling her body into a sitting position against the head of Siena’s bed.

“I never said I was fair.” Siena perched on the edge of the bed beside Jamie and gave her another quick kiss on the lips.

“Uh-uh,” Jamie said when Siena tried to move back. She captured the back of Siena’s head and pulled her back for a deeper kiss.

“Mmmm, you taste like coffee,” Jamie moaned when she let Siena out of the kiss.

“And you can too.” Siena grabbed a cup from the bedside table and handed it to Jamie.

Jamie took the mug and looked at her warped reflection in the surface.

“Jamie?” Siena asked, placing a gentle hand on Jamie’s arm.

“I can’t take the job, Siena.” Jamie looked up as she spoke the words. Fear and self-loathing filling her, but she had to do this. For Siena, and for herself. She had to be honest and stop hiding behind her walls.

“Oh.” Siena leaned back as though the words had physically hit her. “I thought you needed time to think about it?”

Jamie shook her head and swallowed over the lump in her throat. “No. I knew right away that I couldn’t accept it. I’m sorry, Siena. I should have told you last night.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t lying.” Jamie looked up and hoped Siena could see the truth radiating in her eyes. “I really want to think about decisions, about the big ones, before I simply answer. I want to be moving forward in a purposeful way, not just chasing the bouncy ball that grabs my attention.”

“But you’re definitely sure now?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Siena’s tone was so sad it almost made Jamie reconsider. It almost made her open her mouth and tell Siena she was wrong. Tell her she would take the job, and they could live and work together and skip off into the sunset.

But she knew that wasn’t how these things went. “I know you must be mad at me.”

“No, I’m not mad.” Siena gently lifted Jamie’s chin with her fingers. “I’m sad that I don’t get to see you walking around all sexy in some more laundry-day outfits. But whatever you choose is okay with me. I love you for you, Jamie, not for what you can offer me.”

“For how long?”

“What?”

“How long will you love me when I can’t offer you anything? I don’t have a job. I don’t even have enough gas in the tank or money in my account to get some. And that’s not the worst part. I have so much to do to work on myself. I need a lot of time to become the person I actually want to be. And I have been told I’m not the easiest person to be around.” God, Jamie was such an idiot sometimes. She really had to stop giving out all the reasons why people shouldn’t like her if she wanted to be liked.

“And who says that?” Siena asked.

“Ummm.” Jamie let out a small huff of amusement. “Everyone who has ever been around me for any significant amount of time.”

“Jamie.” Siena stopped her before she could really get on a roll. “I love you. It’s not going to be smooth sailing, and there’s going to be the ups and downs and the shit that gets dragged in from two lives merging together to become a third entity. Let’s be honest, every relationship is a little bitménage à trois.”

Jamie laughed, Siena’s eyes sparkling as they met.

“None of that stuff is what made me fall in love with you. Not the job you have, not the money you earn, not the things you can offer me professionally. I love you. And that’s all there is to it.”

The silence lingered and rested heavy in the air.

“Can I ask you a question?” Siena asked.

“Yeah.” Jamie took a sip of her coffee and closed her eyes. Whether it was from the blissful hit of her first taste of caffeine for the morning or to prepare herself for whatever the question might be, she didn’t know. Perhaps a little of both.

“Why are you declining the job?” Siena asked.

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