Page 2 of Love, A Curvy Girl's Guide

“What in the hell is that?” Frank demanded as Bridget held out a scrappy piece of lace with her spaghetti-grabbing tongs.

“That’s what I want to know. It went through the washer and dryer with one of the boys’ clothes,” Bridget fumed.

All seven sons shoveled cereal into their mouths without looking up to see what their mother held.

“Ian?” she asked sweetly.

Handsome as sin and still rumpled from sleep, the youngest Johnson’s head popped up as he gazed at his mother. A crooked smile spread across his chiseled features. “What do you need, Ma?”

Bridget scowled at him. “I found something in your laundry.”

Dennis smirked. “Was it a lizard? I remember how mad you were when the last one went through the dryer.”

“I was seven,” Ian replied, flipping his brother the one-finger salute.

Bridget shuddered at the memory of the carnage Dennis referred to. “I told you we would never discuss the lizard incident again.”

“Crayons again?” Davis smirked. “Ian-pooh, you’ll have to use big boy pencils soon.”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, D. You know that wasn’t me.”

“Ian!” Bridget snapped. “Watch your language!”

Davis grinned. “Yeah, Ian, watch your language!”

With a sigh, Ian turned back to his mom. “What? Did I forget to empty my pockets?”

Bridget brought the offending garment further into the light, still holding it with the tongs. “What is this?”

Ian frowned, squinting to get a better look. But it was too late. Two of his brothers, being closer to their mother, had already jumped up and snatched the garment.

Dayton gave a low whistle as they spread the material between them. “These are fucking sexy, Ian! Looks like baby brother likes himself a full-figured woman.”

Derek batted his eyes at Ian. “Unless… these can’t be yours, can they? I could’ve sworn you were more of an autumn color.”

Ian dove for the panties, but Davis was faster. “Looks like little Ian has either taken up cross-dressing, or maybe his day with Haley wasn’t as terrible as he’d led us to believe.”

Ian’s face flushed. “I’m not a cross-dresser!”

Derek laid a sympathetic arm on his brother’s shoulders. “We would still love you, Ian, no matter what. Besides, it’s no secret Mom always wished you’d been a girl.”

Bridget bristled. “I would never say that. I love my boys.”

The boys answered in unison. “You always say that.”

She huffed. “That is ridiculous! And for the record, Ian, I didn’t think they were yours.”

Ian scowled at his brothers before sending his mama another blinding smile. “Thanks, Mom. That’s more than I can say for this bag of dicks.”

“I mean,” Bridget babbled on, “it wouldn’t matter either way, sweetheart. But if they are—and I know you said they aren’t—but if they are, we’ll need a larger size. Your testicles need room to breathe.”

The boys erupted into laughter so hard someone farted, and Frank decided it was time to water the garden. Sometimes, you just had to get the hell out of Dodge.

“They aren’t my fucking panties!” Ian yelled over the commotion. “Shit, Mom!”

“Language!” Bridget’s ire rose again. “Watch your tone, young man! Just because you’re coming out doesn’t mean you can get all sassy.”

Dennis wiped tears from his cheeks as Davis flopped onto the table, nearly upsetting the homemade jelly. Dayton sat back down and began eating his cereal again. Or maybe it was Derek’s; Dayton didn’t care one way or the other.

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