Page 145 of Just One Fake Date

“I don’t think she’s unkind. I think she loves you all very much.”

Stephanie blinked rapidly then looked at Shannyn. “You really can’t have kids?”

Shannyn exhaled. It never got easier to talk about it, even for a good cause. “My ex and I tried for our entire marriage. We went for fertility counseling and the whole works. Well, except surrogates.” She didn’t talk about those two lost babies. She just couldn’t. Her throat was already tight. “The thing was that we ended up forgetting why we were together in the first place.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I wouldn’t have been able to fall in love with Tyler if I was still married to Cole.”

“You really love him.”

Shannyn nodded, still amazed by the power of the love she felt for Tyler. “It’s not just anyone who could convince me to give marriage another try.”

“He’s pretty stubborn.”

“It works just fine because I am, too.” Shannyn took a step closer. “But here’s the thing. My mom never had kids: my brother and I are adopted. And my dad died when Aidan and I were both little.”

“Oh, that’s sad.”

“It is, but my mom isn’t a sad person. She believes in celebrating every good thing that comes to you. She savors everything, appreciates it, and makes it last as long as she can. She never takes anything for granted, and that was the lesson I forgot with Cole.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was so fixed on the idea of a child that I forgot to take care of my marriage. I’m not sure if I could have saved our partnership alone, or if he would have met me halfway, but we were happy when we got married and we lost that along the way. We forgot to appreciate what we already had, and so we lost it, chasing something else. When we didn’t end up with a child, there was nothing else left.”

“That’s really sad.” Stephanie took a shaking breath and averted her gaze, her voice softening. “I had a miscarriage the week before last.”

“Did you go to the doctor and have everything checked?”

She nodded. “Just one of those things, they said, like it was no big deal.” She frowned and shook her head. “We weren’t even trying. We’d talked about trying after I finished grad school, but we haven’t been as diligent about birth control.”

“It’s nice to be spontaneous,” Shannyn said. “Intimate.”

“Exactly. I was keeping track of my cycle, but not really closely, and then I missed my period. I kind of freaked out because I thought it was too soon, but then Anthony was excited and I started to be, too. We were planning where we’d put the crib and picking out names, and he was helping me eat exactly right. It was really sweet and then...”

“How far along were you?”

“Three months. I was going to tell Mom this weekend.” She blinked quickly as her tears rose again. “But I can’t tell her this. I just can’t.”

Shannyn nodded, then put a hand on Stephanie’s shoulder. The other woman gripped her fingers. “A lot of women have miscarriages and even stillbirths. Your mom might have, too. She might understand perfectly what you’re feeling.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe the next time I come home, when it’s less raw. Or maybe if I conceive again, I’ll tell her. I don’t know. I just want to cry and cry right now.”

“Part of that’s hormones, you know.”

Stephanie looked down at the floor. “I feel like it’s my fault.”

“I doubt it was. It’s common enough that I think it just happens.” Shannyn reached out and touched Stephanie’s wedding ring. “You know, we all want everything. We all wantallthe good stuff and that’s okay. It’s ambition. Maybe it’s even hope.”

“Maybe it’s just greed,” Stephanie said, smiling for the first time.

“Maybe. But I’m going to guess that you love Anthony.”

“Oh my God, yes.”

“And so you’ve already got more than a lot of people. You’re young, healthy and married to the man you love, who also loves you. He’s got a good job. You’re going to school. Your family is nearby and they’re all healthy. You’re already pretty lucky.”

Stephanie nodded, her manner thoughtful. “You’re right.”

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