Page 2 of Crashing Without Justice

Our first date had also gone as expected. She’d spoken happily about her family, friends, interests, and getting to know her had felt so effortless. She’d been talkative, and everything that she’d spoken of, she’d spoken of as if it’d been the most interesting thing in the world. She’d been full of excitement and animation, and it’d been such a breath of fresh air in a world full of technology addicts.

Of course, she’d also been excited to learn all about me and my life, and it’d been easy to share with her, something that wasn’t always possible with everyone else. Paige had come across as if she hadn’t one judgmental bone in her body, and it’d felt liberating.

At any rate, after a few months of dating, we had moved in together, and I’d felt like a fairytale hero the day that she had agreed to marry me; I’d felt as if life couldn’t get any better. After one failed marriage under my belt, I’d been convinced that Paige had been my chance to finally get it right. I’d been convinced that my happily-ever-after had been possible, because believe it or not, men wanted their chance at happiness also.

It hadn’t been until three years ago that my eyes had finally started to see a bit clearer. Three years ago, those love-colored glasses had begun to crack a bit. Three years ago, I’d started to notice things that shouldn’t have involved my perfect wife. Three years ago, I’d had no choice but to question the little things that hadn’t made sense anymore.

Finishing off the rest of the water, I glanced around the hotel room, wondering how long I was going to be able to hide out here, because that’s what I was doing. I was close with my family, so I knew that I could easily room with any one of them if I wanted to, but I needed this bit of space. I needed to gather my thoughts and plan out my next move, which admittedly depended on what Paige’s next move was.

While I didn’t need a shower, I needed to do something. Luckily, I had the weekend off before I’d have to go back to work, so I wasn’t going to have to worry about that right now. The last thing that I needed was to accidentally electrocute myself because I was distracted. Granted, that would be the answer to all of Paige’s prayers, but while I was willing to pay for my sins, I wasn’t willing to pay for them with my own death.

Just as I started unpacking my suitcase, my phone chimed with a message that I couldn’t ignore. It was tactless and insensitive to be more worried about the ‘wrong’ woman, but I couldn’t help it.

Trista:R u ok?

Me:Not really, but it’s ok

Trista:Call me if u need me

Me:Thank u

I stared at the exchange, and while it seemed impersonal, it really wasn’t. Trista knew me well enough not to take my distance in this moment personally. Despite being at fault, and despite being the villain in this story, this wasn’t easy on me. My regret for all parties involved was real, and it was weighing heavily with every breath that I took right now.

As I got undressed to go take a shower, I thought about all the phone calls that I was going to have to make tomorrow, starting with my parents. They deserved to hear the details from me, especially since they were the type of parents that were going to help me pick up the pieces, even if I did deserve to suffer for my sins.

Christ, what a fucking mess.

Chapter 2

Paige~

Istill couldn’t believe that this was happening; I didn’twantto believe that this was happening.

Not again.

Yeah, Patrick had sworn that he hadn’t been cheating, but only a year later, he’d been posting pictures of his whore on social media, and three years later, he had married her. My ex-husband had left me for another woman, and no matter how many times he denied it, I knew the truth. I mean, why else would he have left me? I’d been the perfect wife, giving him two beautiful children and catering to his every whim, so it could have only been another woman.

Still, instead of letting the bitterness eat me alive, I’d chosen to move on with my life and give happiness another chance. I’d chosen to put myself back out there, showing my children that you could still rebuild from the ashes that life sometimes gave you. I’d also chosen to keep a smile on my face every time that my children appeared in one of Patrick’s family Christmas cards, portraying the perfect blended family. Patrick and my replacement, Lydia, had chosen to add to their offspring count, and so Kalayla and Wilner had a half-brother a few years younger than they were.

My ex-husband’s lying infidelity aside, I had never imagined that I’d be in the same boat that I’d been in ten years ago. When I’d first met Harding, I’d felt like Rapunzel being rescued from the tower, and I’d been all in. After five years of trying to find my new love story, I’d almost given up before meeting Harding. It’d taken me two years to finally start dating again, but it’d been horrible all around. While Patrick had been posting pictures of his newfound love, I’d been wading in the disappointing waters of online dating and pitiful blind dates.

At any rate, now I was faced with the end of another marriage, and I had no idea what to do or how I should feel right now. If anyone were to ask me, I’d say that I felt hurt and angry, but those words didn’t seem adequate enough to describe how I was really feeling. My betrayed emotions felt like they were trying to break through my skin, and it was a disgusting feeling. Unlike when Patrick had ended our marriage, Harding had confessed tocheating, and he’d even had the nerve to tell me the details; almost as if he’d been doing me a favor.

When I’d gotten home earlier, all I’d been thinking about was dinner. Harding had asked for rib-eyes, but being in our forties, I’d chosen the healthier option of chicken. With Harding being forty-six, and me being forty-four, I’d begun making our health a priority in our lives, and eating better had been part of that plan. I’d also had plans on helping Heady with her booster club later this evening, but Harding had killed that with his little confession.

Anyway, the second that Harding had insisted that we’d needed to talk, I’d known that something was wrong. For the most part, Harding had always played the passive one in our marriage, catering to a lot of my last-minute whims, something that I’d seen as an act of unconditional love, but wasn’t so sure of now. From day one, Harding had been all about my happiness, so his confession hurt badly.

Now, to say that I’d been surprised would be a lie. After all, men were men, and as long as there were immoral whores walking around to tempt them, what were they supposed to do? They were only human, and we all knew that Eve was to blame for the mess of infidelity. If the first man of creation had been weak enough to fall for her deception, what hope did other men have? Good didn’t always win over evil, and that’s what was happening here. Harding’s whore might be winning for the moment, but that didn’t mean that I had to give my life up without a fight.

I also couldn’t lie and say that I hadn’t noticed him beginning to pull away a few months ago. Oh, the changes might have started about three years ago, but the real variations of personality had begun only recently. Usually onboard with everything on my agenda, Harding had begun questioning a lot of what I’d been doing, and he’d never done that before. He’d been the perfect beacon of support for anything that I’d been involved with, but not recently. No…recently, he’d begun to hit me with these minor interrogations, or at least that’s what they’d felt like.

Still, knowing all that, it still hadn’t made hearing the words any easier. My husband had admitted to cheating on me, and to make matters worse, he had also admitted to having feelings for his mistress. He had admitted that she’d been more than just a one-night stand, and he’d felt that he’d needed to be completely honest with me about that. While still trying to process my emotions, I’d been willing to work on forgiving him and look to our church family to help us through this dark time, but instead of jumping at the chance to redeem himself, he had chosen to confess his feelings for this other woman, putting a real name to her sinful ways.

So, now I was armed with information that I wasn’t ready to know. Not only was I aware that my husband was a cheater, but I also knew who he had cheated on me with, and while he’d sworn that it had only happened once, the feelings that he had for her were the bigger issue. The feelings that he’d begun to develop for this other woman were what had led him to cross a line that could not be uncrossed.

Of course, my phone was now going off, incoming texts and calls making it dance erratically, though that was to be expected after what I had posted on social media. I had people that followed my accounts and were invested in my life, so I owed it to them to be transparent. If they were going to be there for me during all my happy times, then they deserved to be able to lend their support during my hard times. I had a relationship with my friends and followers, and they shouldn’t be cheated out of what they had to offer me during my time of need. Besides, if I was going to have to endure the shame of another failed marriage, why shouldn’t Harding have to carry that same burden?

When Harding had first approached me to ask me out, I’d been over the moon with the excitement of new possibilities, and it hadn’t been just about his looks, either. He had looked at me with complete adoration in his blue eyes, and I’d fallen under the spell of his unspoken promises. Our first date had been perfect, and he hadn’t even seemed annoyed by my talkativeness. He had listened eagerly to everything that I’d had to say, and he’d even shown genuine compassion when I’d gotten to the part about Patrick leaving me. Of course, with his own failed marriage under his belt, it’d been easy to sympathize with each other, and that’d been another commonality for the both of us.

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