Page 50 of Nash

“I know,” she says. “And I'm sorry you had to step up and take care of a teenybopper little sister, shuffling me around to and from school events, grocery shopping, meal planning, all of it. I'm sorry you felt responsible for me?—”

“I'm not sorry,” I cut her off. “Hadley, Iloveyou. I remember the day Mom and Dad brought you home. I'd never been more excited in my life. My new best friend was sitting there, crying in a car seat. It was the best day of my three-year-old life.”

Her eyes water, and I wave her off.

“It was,” I say. “And our parents are amazing. I was more than happy to step up and help the family out when I was needed. None of it haseverbeen a burden on me.”

“I know it's not a burden,” she says. “And I honestly think that you stepping up like you did, in a way that so many other people wouldn't and it would be totally understandable, has been the sole reason why Dad has not only survived this long, but is suddenly looking at a life without constant treatment. Without you doing what you did, and continuing to do what you do, Mom wouldn't be able to take care of him like she does. Dad wouldn't have the doctors or the treatment that he does. And while I know none of us will ever be able to repay you for that, even when you say we don't owe you anything, I canhopethat you'll focus on yourself for once.”

I swallow hard. “I do things for myself,” I say, shrugging. “Hell, I’m known as the cocky playboy of the Badgers, remember? You can barely go on a social site without seeing me plastered on it, one ridiculous headline after the next.”

“Serial dating isn't exactly self-care,” she says. “Not that there's anything wrong with it. But lately, that hasn't been in the headlines.”

I remain silent, cocking a brow at her, knowing what's about to come next.

“Everything I see reported on you has been about your involvement with Reese,” she continues. “And I know you told me that it was a mutually beneficial situation, but the more I see of you two together, the more I'm highly doubting it's as fake as you're claiming it is.”

I rub my palms over my face.

I can't lie to Hadley. Never have, never will.

“I knew it,” she says before I can even respond. “It totally isn't fake.”

“It's complicated,” I explain. “It definitely was set up that way in the beginning,” I continue.

That night months ago seems like such a different version of myself when I look back on it. I thought the little business endeavor that me and Reese struck would be a fun adventure, short-lasting but amusing. But here I am, months later, and I have no intention of breaking things off.

“I don't know how to navigate this,” I admit to Hadley.

“Being monogamous?” she asks, not a hint of judgment in her tone.

“Not just that,” I say. “The idea of being with her and only her is easy. It has been since the beginning. I have no interest in anyone else, but for the last decade, I've hadonesole purpose and that's to work as hard as I can for as long as I can to ensure my family is taken care of.”

“You’ve done that, though. We’re all doing well, because of you,” she says. She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “You've done everything to ensure that. It's definitely time you start focusing on yourself, Nash,” she says, leaning back in the booth again. “You need to figure out what you really want. And if that's being the best and most badass hockey player there is, then keep doing what you're doing. If that somehowalso includes a real relationship with Reese with no business arrangement around it? Then you need to do it. You deserve the world, regardless of how you present yourself as the cocky, goofy, know it all in front of the cameras.”

“I know it sounds ridiculous,” I say. “But I haven't put my wants or needs first in a long time. It feels strange, almost wrong, somehow. Not to mention Reese hasn't expressed if what we're doing is still under the guise of being fake or not. I can't tell if she's just really enjoying the success from the videos that we post, or if she actually likes me. I'm in uncharted territory and that scares me.”

“She one-hundred-precent likes you,” she says. “No woman would put up with a man she didn't like just for good views. Even if she is a social media manager, she’s still human. And especially not for four months. Plus, as annoying as you can be, you're a really good guy most of the time. Whowouldn'tlike you?”

I laugh. “I don't know, women who know my dating history and my public persona? Women who think I see them as interchangeable?”

“Reese may have believed those rumors in the beginning,” Hadley says. “But I highly doubt shestillbelieves them. Especially since you guys are practically inseparable whenever you get a spare moment to be together. You know one way you could find out?”

“Talk to her?” I ask in a mocking tone.

“Yep,” she says. “That’s the best way to figure things out.”

“I know,” I say. “But we have such a good thing going. I really don't want to mess it up. Plus, how pathetic would I look if I pour my heart out to her, something Ineverdo, and then she tells me she was just in it for the views? And quite possibly other benefits?”

“First,eww,” she says, scrunching up her face like she’s bitten into something rotten.

“Second, Reese is a really good person. She doesn't seem like the type to just be doing this for her career, despite the fact that you guys set it up that way. Again, you're never going to know unless you ask her.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I say. “I'll get to it.”

Hadley sighs. “She has my vote,” she says. “Not that it matters. But I also think you need to start shifting that mindset to think a little bit more about whatyoureally want. It's time you start focusing on yourself. You absolutely deserve it.”

“Your vote does matter,” I say. “And thanks, sis. I'm sure you're just saying all of this because I'm paying for your breakfast,” I say, trying my best to get back to lighter ground.

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