Page 82 of Shattered Hearts

“I know, but I think it could help me. If you don’t want—”

“I said I would do whatever you needed me to to do, no matter what that is. If you need to explore, then explore. I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”

She wiggles off my lap and kneels between my legs. She wants to give me a blowjob, and my cock sings with pleasure. It’s been a while since I had a woman’s lips around my dick, and more cum seeps out in anticipation.

I rein it in.

She looks up at me, her big brown eyes full of trust. “I might not be able to do it for a long time.”

“You don’t have to do it at all.”

“I think if I want to push my progress, I have to, and I feel safe with you.”

“I hope that never changes, sweetheart.” I tense, waiting for the heat of her mouth, but she starts slow, licking up and down my shaft, tucking her fingers between my sac and the elastic of my boxers, lightly fingering my balls. Her slow and steady is going to give me a heart attack. I reach for her hair, and she lifts her head.

“Don’t, okay? Don’t touch me.”

“I’m sorry.” I swallow hard, imagining just how difficult this must be for her. To willingly do something she’d been made to do without her consent. I grip the edge of the chair.

“It’s okay. I like it when you twist your fingers in my hair and one day while I’m doing this I think I’d like it if you did, but right now I need one step at a time.”

She goes back to licking my cock like a lollipop, and I swear to God I should win an award for acting like I’m doing nothing but watching paint dry. This is for her, not for me, and I need to give that to her. All along I’ve been saying I want, no, Ineed, to be part of her recovery, in whatever way that entails. If that means her giving me a blowjob without me touching her, then that’s what it means.

Her little mouth closes over the tip of my cock, and I have to summon every ounce of willpower I have not to move. Her tongue nudges the tiny divot there, and my dick surges. I hiss out a breath. “Sorry, I can’t help it.”

Pulling her mouth away, she says, “It’s okay. That means you like it, right?”

“Fuck, I more than like it.”

She giggles, and it warms my heart she can in the middle of doing something she despises.

Licking me, she sucks me into her mouth with a light pressure. Maybe it’s natural, maybe Stella gave her some tips, but holy fuck, she knows what she’s doing and I’m not even halfway in her mouth and I want to come.

“Zarah.” Urgently, I say her name. I don’t want to push her away. She said not to touch her, and I won’t.

Without releasing my cock from her mouth, she looks up at me, and the look in her eyes, the absolute love there, knocks me sideways. I jerk my hips, and my cock slips out of her mouth with a wetpop. “I’m going to come.”

She licks my cock and says, “You’re supposed to.”

“I know, but I don’t want to. I’ve never liked coming in a woman’s mouth. It’s not you, I promise. I want to be inside you.”

That’s only half a lie. Ipreferbeing inside a woman when I come, but if a woman’s enthusiastic and says she doesn’t mind, I’m usually not one to say no. Some women like swallowing cum, but I already know Zarah isn’t one of those women and more than likely never will be.

“Are you sure?”

I wrap her hand around my cock and stroke up and down. “Yes. I’m pretty damned sure.”

“Okay.” She stands, lifts the packet off the table where she dropped it, and hands it to me.

I give it back. “You started it.”

“I did.” She smiles, proud of herself.

She rips it open and wiggles the sticky condom out of the foil. I have to show her which way is the right side up, and when she rolls it down my cock, it’s almost as painful as her lips wrapped around my head. Her touch is feather-light, and more cum oozes out the tip.

Straddling my thighs, she lowers herself on top of me, using my shoulders to steady herself.

I grip her waist, but she’s the one in control. Pushing down, then easing up, pushing down, then easing up, getting used to me. I didn’t think to touch her, see how wet she is, but she’s doing fine on her own and maybe that’s the point.

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