Page 94 of Shattered Hearts

“Of course. You never have to ask. I’ll be home all day.”

“Sounds good. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

She disconnects, and I resist throttling Zane. “You scared the fuck out of her. Why did you do that?”

I coast out of the parking lot, gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turn white.

“I treat her with kid gloves and everyone gets pissy and says to treat her like a person. So I do, then I catch hell. I fired her therapist. There wasn’t anything more I needed to say.”

“You could have told her everything I just did.”

“You did it better than I could have, and if you want to help her find a new therapist, go ahead, but I have the final say in who she sees. She’s still my sister.”

“Yeah, because your final say always works so well. Next time, take it easy. It’s not like it’s been smooth sailing since she had her panic attack at my apartment.”

He has the grace, at least, to look ashamed. “I’m still not good at talking to her.”

“I told you, you have to forget all the shit that’s happened, and if Jerricka Solis was a bad idea, you’re going to have to get past that, too. This shit is all connected. From the minute Zarah met Stella in payroll, this is all connected.”

He stares out the window as the buildings go by, traffic jamming the street. “You might be right. But I can’t see the endgame.”

“Maybe there isn’t one.”

Zane stares at me. “Of course there is. The Blacks never did anything without a reason, without a projected outcome. Cook and the Blacks were working together—Cook owns Quiet Meadows and Ash took a specific interest in the drug trials Dr. Pederson was performing there. What were they testing? How can we find out?”

I turn onto the interstate entrance, accelerate, and merge into traffic. It may not be any faster than driving downtown to reach Zane’s building, but I need all the seconds I can spare. “We decided me talking to Rourke is a bad idea. If he’s involved in this, I don’t want him to know we know. But it could explain why Zarah was so scared of him at Max’s dinner. Maybe he visited her at Quiet Meadows and she remembers he wanted to hurt her, or that he did. Zarah knew how to get into the basement. They brought her down there.”

Zane rubs his forehead. “Okay, well, for right now, Zarah’s out of Quiet Meadows and she’s not seeing Dr. Solis anymore. She has an appointment with Dr. Reagan and he’s going to lower her medication dosages again. She’s been doing well since the night at your apartment. Maybe all she needs is a break. Let’s go with that and regroup.”

“I’m talking to Savannah Mesa’s mother after I drop you off. I’ll see if she can shed any light on what was going on at thefacility, or at least why she believes her daughter would commit suicide.”

“Do you think the girl in the park, that Stacy Birmingham, is connected to what’s going on?”

Pressing my lips together, I consider the question. “Were they at Quiet Meadows around the same time? If they were part of Dr. Pederson’s research, I don’t know. Savannah Mesa wasn’t bipolar or schizophrenic, at least, not according to her sister.” I have to fight against the emotions rising in my throat. Meredith’s dead, and I have never once entertained the idea it’s my fault because I didn’t take her more seriously. I don’t want it to be true. “She was only depressed.”

I exit off the interstate and fight people on their way to work. I’m a patient kind of guy, usually using the time on the road to puzzle out a case, and I never mind the traffic unless I have somewhere I needed to be ten minutes ago. I stop in front of Maddox Industries and let the truck idle.

“Well, keep me in the loop.” Zane pauses. “Thanks for being on our side.”

“One day I’m going to marry her. Just so we’re clear.”

Smiling faintly, he says, “I have no complaints.” He slams the door shut and trots up the stairs toward the towering building. People come and go, and Zane’s stopped three times before he reaches the revolving doors. I wonder what it’s like to be in charge of so much, to have the power to control everything you look at with a crook of your finger.

Zarah will have that same power. I see glimpses of it when she’s feeling good. I’m proud of her, but her legacy isn’t something I can comprehend. It’s not like Pop and me working cases, running our little business. I’m almost thirty-seven years old. Don’t have a kid to pass it along to, and if Zarah and I do get married and have children, they won’t want my meagre PI business. Zarah and Zane will raise them to rule the world.

I don’t know how to feel about that.

I head in the direction of the Mesa’s house and call Zarah again just to double check she’s okay. I hate the way Zane handles her. I know he’s been under a lot of pressure the last couple of years, but why he can’t treat Zarah like a normal person pisses me off. Deep down I know it’s guilt. Fuck, he left her locked up in Quiet Meadows for five years, but he can’t hide from that. I’ll pick up his slack because I love her, but he needs to be careful or he’ll damage what little relationship they do have.

She says it’s a nice day and that she’s going out with the dogs. I’m glad she likes to spend time outside. I know it’s always helped me when I feel shaky. Taking Baby on a run puts my head on straight.

I tell her to be careful. She needs the independence and the autonomy, and I don’t suggest she invite Stella along. Sometimes you need to be alone, and she’ll have the dogs to keep her safe.

Her goodbye is more subdued than usual, but she’s had a lot of changes in the past few months. I didn’t do any more followup on Ingrid, either. Her sister emailed me back to tell me what’s in Chicago (nothing, and that’s confusing as fuck), and I forgot to tell Zane I found out where she went. I’ll need to email him when I’m back at the office. Even though I see him in person, I should still get into the habit of emailing both him and Stella. Technically, they’re my employers, though Pop never said if he cashed the check Stella wrote out for him.

It costs me another fifteen minutes, but at the last minute, I decide to drop Baby at the office instead of making her wait in the truck. Pop isn’t here, but that doesn’t mean anything. He could be out eating breakfast or pounding the pavement working a case. He hasn’t said anything more about the explosion, but he hasn’t had much of a chance because Zarah and I have been spending so much time together. For years, it used to be just meand Pop, and after Viv dumped me, I didn’t care about dating anyone until I rescued Zarah from that pack of paparazzi. She used to say I made her feel squishy inside, and looking into her huge brown eyes, I know now exactly what she meant.

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