Page 44 of Shattered Hearts

Stella and I talk to Peggy on our way down to the lobby, and Stella sneaks into Zane’s office wanting to kiss him goodbye. I love how much she loves him.

Instead of asking Douglas to drive into town, we order a car, and on the way to the house, Stella calls the doctor’s office and schedules my appointment. She rattles off my birthdate like it’s nothing because it’s hers, too.

I text Gage and ask how he’s spending his day. He sends me a picture of a beautiful black pickup truck. I don’t know the model—to me it looks like a newer version of what had gotten blown up. He asked Baby to pose, and she stands on her hind legs, her tongue lolling out of her mouth, near the driver’s side front wheel. I laugh and show Stella.

Can I come over tonight?I ask.

I’ve never been so much in love. The hole in my heart when we’re apart is devastating and it’s difficult to breathe. I need all my willpower not to message him all the time, not to insist we spend every waking second together. He has a life, friends, I bet, whom he hangs out with. A job, obviously. I don’t want to act needy, like I can’t live without him.

Sure. About six? I’ll cook dinner.

Perfect. I’ll bring dessert.

I shove my phone into my purse. Let him take that how he likes.

Stella called ahead, and when we step into the house, Ingrid’s waiting, holding my meds and a glass of water. Lucille’s also hovering near the door, wanting to hear news of yesterday’s explosion. She knows Gage’s truck, and she saw me along the edge of the video clip talking to Stella on my cell while Gage spoke to the police.

We tell her what we know, our theories, and what the police said, but we can’t tell her much more than what the news reports speculated. A few more details, maybe, because we know things about the Blacks the journalists don’t know or wouldn’t think to tie to a private investigator’s truck blowing up, but Lucille will worry no matter what we tell her.

I’m sorry I’m not asking her to go, and I hug Ingrid goodbye. One day, it will be for good. All the time I’ve spent away from home since meeting Gage makes me feel guilty, but I think I was outgrowing her before that. I’m in a much better place than I was when Zane hired her. Back then, there were few people we could trust, and Ingrid was one of those people. She’s put so much energy, compassion, and sympathy into my recovery, it isn’t fair she’s paid to sit alone in her room or keep Lucille company in the kitchen. She should be free to move on and take care of someone else who needs her as much as I did.

There won’t be time to come back before going to Gage’s, and I pack an overnight bag. On the way into the city, Stella and I chat about little things like setting aside an evening to open gifts and put away the Christmas tree and the other holiday decorations. I mention I told Gage I’d bring dessert, and she says we’ll stop by Love + Sugar after we’re done shopping.

Half an hour outside city limits, our conversation fades.

The future’s murky, and that isn’t new to me, but Rourke hating me, Gage’s truck blowing up, and my mind getting worse make the new year scary and uncertain. The things Zane said gives me the creeps. Is the explosion a sign of more things to come, or was it simply retaliation like Gage thinks?

This can’t be my entire life. There has to be more.

Word travels fast, and everyone knows my brother’s fiancée and I are in the city. Even though we enter through a private VIP door, a paparazzo tags us outside the ob-gyn’s building. There will be a ton of speculation come morning. Everyone on the planet wants Zane and Stella to have a baby. I think it’s funny how invested everyone is, and I tease her in the waiting room as we wait for my appointment.

“Maybe you’ll be the pregnant one,” Stella says, nudging me. “Truth or Darecan have fun guessing who the daddy is.”

I wrinkle my nose. I hate the paparazzi.

My gynecologist is a polite older woman who’s happy I’ve found a nice young man, and she pats my shoulder so often I think she’s going to leave a dent in my skin. She tells Stella she can wait in the waiting room, and knowing my history of assault, once we’re alone, asks if I feel safe in my home and in my relationships.

I explain Gage is a private investigator, that he loves and protects me, and that I, too, am very much in love. My cheeks pink as I tell her. I’ve added another person to the growing number of people involved in my love life. I don’t suppose Gagehas it any better if he’s hearing crap from his stepdad about dating me and if he’s wrestling with guilt Max and I were involved first.

“I need to consult your primary care physician, Miss Maddox. Just to be sure the shot won’t interfere with your medication and so he knows we’re adding birth control to your prescription list. I’ll be right back.”

“All right.”

Cold air blows through the exam room vents, and I’m lonely sitting by myself. For privacy, I understand why she asked Stella to leave, but I wish she was with me now.

My doctor knocks sharply on the door and pushes it open. “Things will be fine. Birth control can affect your hormones which can affect your mood. If you feel depressed, emotional, unhappy, or have thoughts of harming yourself, call and make an appointment right away. Other side effects include bloating and spotting. If anything unusual occurs, call my office or let Dr. Reagan know, all right?”

I doubt I’ll be able to tell if I feel any different due to the birth control, but I say, “I will.”

After a pelvic and breast exam and shot to the butt, I’m free to go. I schedule another appointment at the registration desk and set the reminder in my phone’s calendar.

Shopping’s pleasant, and all the salespeople love Stella. She has money to spend, and she’s nice. Not nice in a fake, polite way, butnice. She remembers who has kids and who has pets. She remembers the vacation or the husband’s promotion. She doesn’t treat them like salespeople, but friends.

Even my mother held everyone at arms’ length, reluctant to let people in, afraid they’d turn on her. I hope Stella’s friendliness isn’t ever used against her. She’s too sweet to turn jaded.

I buy bras, panties, extra pajamas, and a few other pieces to keep at Gage’s. He invited me to, but after my breakdown in his stairwell, I never did. It will be nice to leave a few things there. I like spending the night in his bed, waking up in his arms.

We stop at Love + Sugar, and I buy a box of éclairs. There wasn’t anywhere else we planned to go, and Douglas and Stella drop me off at Gage’s. Waving goodbye, I juggle the box, shopping bags, and my purse and bump the door to Gage’s building open. I clomp up the metal stairs and knock. He answers, a smile on his handsome face, and I drop everything and launch myself into his arms.

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