Page 4 of Shattered Hearts

I get myself off in the shower, remembering how Zarah tasted under my mouth, how she tugged on my hair, pressing her pussy harder and harder against my lips, begging me to make her come. I loved the feel of her muscles clenching at myfingers, cum gushing out of her. The sound of her moaning as she orgasmed, her clit quivering under my tongue.

Two minutes of heaven turned into two weeks of hell.

The glass baking pan Zarah brought over that had Lucille’s lasagna in it sits on my counter waiting to go home. I keep forgetting about it, but it’s a nice enough dish Lucille wouldn’t mind having it back. I grab it and the insulated bag Zarah used. It’s a good excuse to make a trip out there, and then I can rip Zane’s throat out for not letting me see her sooner.

Iamtenacious, and Iampigheaded.

Turning Zane Maddox into an enemy could be my stupidest move yet, but I’ll do it willingly.

For love.

CHAPTER TWO

Zarah

Irelapsed. At least, that’s what Dr. Reagan thinks. He told Zane they were too aggressive, lowering my dosages too quickly, and it messed with my head.

The minute we stepped foot in the house, Zane called Jerricka, explained we had an emergency, and asked her to drive out to the house. I barely remember her sitting on my bed, coaxing me to swallow a large pill, holding a glass of water to my lips. She tucked me into bed, almost maternally, smoothing my hair back and murmuring, “I shouldn’t have left you alone for so long. I’m sorry.”

I don’t know what it was, but that pill made me sleep for three days. That’s what Lucille said. I woke up just as confused as before, and my body hadn’t stopped hurting. The tumble down Gage’s stairs left behind aches and pains that still haven’t faded.

The night I fell, he called Zane. His fear and panic still cause apprehension to poke needles into my skin. Gage is so strong, so confident, I never thought I’d see him look so scared, and I hopeI never see it again. He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to calm me down. Protect me.

Nothing about that evening is clear, and maybe the night Gage and I spent together is lost to me forever. Dr. Reagan told Zane he suspected I had sex, and Zane punched my bedroom wall, trembling with rage. I was too woozy to correct him.

He knows the truth now, that Gage and I were exploring each other. That I was in his bed willingly, an eager participant. He didn’t ask for details, and I couldn’t have told him anyway. All I remember of that night are impressions, feelings. His lips on mine. Holding me. Love. Maybe Zane wouldn’t have thought it was such a big deal if I hadn’t smelled of sweat and semen. And fear.

Or if I wouldn’t have had two bruised ribs and a mild concussion.

Jerricka told me to keep taking the medication she gave me and a night like that would never happen again. It has though, but I’m too scared to say anything to anybody.

Like last night. I’m reading a book, just lying in bed reading a book, and all of a sudden I don’t know what I’m reading. It was like the words were disappearing, floating off the page and out of my brain.

It scared the hell out of me.

Or when Lucille came in holding my breakfast tray, and I couldn’t remember who she was or what she was doing in my room.

Little things I should know, but don’t. I feel like I’m going crazy.

No. Not going.

Like I already am.

Missing Gage doesn’t help. He sent me a pretty Christmas card, and I love looking at the picture he put inside. I propped it up against the lamp on my nightstand. Besides the card, Ihaven’t heard from him. He might have tried my cell, but Zane took it. Jerricka could have told him I don’t need it or that it’s not safe for me to communicate with anyone. All I know is I checked my purse, looking for it, and it was gone. I’m too afraid, too tired, too heartbroken, to do anything about it.

I probably scared Gage so badly he wants nothing more to do with me. No sane person would want to deal with my mental health issues or an over-protective brother. Gage would have to have a death wish to go head-to-head against Zane.

Most days I lie in bed and wait for my memory to flit away, holding my breath until wisps of what I used to know come back.

Stella sits with me a lot. Because of my accident, her parents didn’t visit us for Christmas. I told her to go see them instead, but she wanted to stay and that means a lot to me. She’s a buffer between Zane and me and I need her to keep him cool. He has his own rage and panic to deal with, and he’s scared. We all are. There doesn’t seem to be any answers, and that frightens me. I can’t have a future when my mind is like this.

When I don’t know what’s coming next.

I was doing so well. Reclaiming parts of my life, doing things on my own. Now I feel like I’m back to square one. When Zane brought me home from Quiet Meadows. Parsing out what’s true and what’s a lie. What really happened and what didn’t.

If Gage ever loved me. Truth or lie.

Tears drip onto my pillow, and I look at that picture through watery eyes. It’s true. It has to be true.

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