Page 107 of Shattered Hearts

“How do you—”

“What? You think I don’t know? That I haven’t been dumped before? The radio silence yesterday was all I needed, but at least be adult enough to tell me to my face.”

“I just think, you know, it would be good if we slowed down a bit.”

I scoff. God, it’s hard to keep my anger from spewing all over. She doesn’t deserve it. She’s only doing what she thinks is best—whatJerrickathinks is best. I have to remember she’s been through a lot, and Jerricka’s right, on some level. Zarah’s been sheltered, and she should see what’s out in the world before she settles down. Never mind I’d go wherever she wanted to go. That we could explore together. I guess that’s neither here nor there. With Zarah, it’s always been all or nothing. She gave me her all for a while, now she’s going to take it away and leave me with absolutely nothing.

It’s not like I haven’t been here before. I got through it then, I’ll get through it now.

“If by slowing down you mean cutting me off, then yeah, I guess you should. You’re not fooling me, Zarah. I went to see Dr. Solis this morning. I know your one-eighty is because of her. It’s fine. Listen to your therapist. You pay her good money to tell you what to do.”

She bites at her bottom lip. “Will you still come to Zane and Stella’s wedding?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Weddings are for friends and family, and I’m neither. Good luck, okay? I’m not mad. A little hurt it ended this way, but I’m not mad. I love you and I would have supported you in whatever way you needed, but that’s done and we’re over, so don’t you dare think I’m going to sit home and cry about it. You’re going to live your life, let me live mine.”

She nods and stares at her coffee. She can’t look at me, and it’s just as well. I don’t want to look into her eyes and see what’s there. A little love, more than a little regret she tangled with a guy like me in the first place.

I stand to my feet. I pause and take in her figure, so tiny in the chair, her shoulders hunched. “If what we did yesterday got you pregnant, I’m not in any position to negotiate. If you’re pregnant and keep it, I’d like to be a part of my baby’s life. But if you don’t want it and get rid of it, don’t bother to tell me, okay? It’s better if I don’t know. According to Jerricka, I was coercing you into sex, so apparently I deserve what I get.”

Her gaze slams into mine. “That’s not true—”

“Sure it is, but I’m a big boy. I’ll find a woman who wants it, the way I want to give it to her. Catch ya later.”

I leave her sitting there, and I stomp past Sierra who’s cleaning the espresso machine looking for all the world like she didn’t hear every single thing we said.

“Movie tonight?” I ask, knowing full well in the empty café Zarah will hear me.

“Yeah, sure.” Sierra’s no fool, she knows exactly what I’m doing, but she’ll go along because we’re friends and she’s a little in love with me. What the fuck, I’m a dickhead, so I might as well act like one.

“I’ll pick you up at eight.”

I slam out of the café and climb behind the wheel of the truck purchased with Zane’s money. The first thing I’ll do is trade itin. It won’t do much money-wise unless I sell it and donate the money to charity, but it will be a good first step in distancing myself from them. Then, after I do that, I’ll tally all the hours I worked on Zarah’s case and send any money back I owe Stella. I’m not on the case anymore. There is no case. Nothing to look into, and if Pop hasn’t cashed his check, I’ll tell him he can rip it up.

I text Pop, let him know I’m going to work at home for the rest of the day, and at my apartment, I change into sweats and take Baby for a long run. She enjoys blasting through the freshly fallen snow and I think about other things for a few minutes.

Thank God it isn’t until later, until after the movie, until after the bar we went to afterward to grab a beer, until after I drop Sierra back at her place and I’m at home, that it hits me.

Zarah and I are done. She’s got a whole world out there waiting for her, and she’s never going to come back to me.

I’m never going to watch her in the kitchen making coffee, or come home after a long day at work to her reading in my bed. I’m never going to marry her, we’re never going to dance under the stars on our honeymoon. I’m never going to watch our children grow up. I’m not going to have any of that because we never should have met in the first place.

I stagger to the foot of my bed, where Zarah had her anxiety attack, and I sit there.

Dry-eyed I sit there until the sun comes up and my phone is silent all night long.

I’m nursing a headache when Stella walks into the office, snowflakes glinting in her blonde hair. Once it decided to startsnowing, it hasn’t let up, and we’ve had over twelve inches in the past couple of days.

Her eyes are sad, and she’s lost her spark. At first I think she and Zane are having problems, but she says, “Zarah told me what happened.”

I wonder if her version and my version are the same. I doubt it.

Shrugging, I avoid her eyes. “It is what it is.”

“You shouldn’t be mean to her, though. She’s having a hard enough time.”

“I haven’t done anything.”

Stella slides her phone out of her purse, brings up a screen, and shows it to me. It’s the gossip websiteTruth or Dare,and featured on their home page is a picture of Sierra and me last night at Old Jake’s laughing with a group of friends. She’s hanging on me like she always does whenever we’re together, and I look happy, not like Zarah kicked me in the teeth just a few hours before. The caption is particularly nasty.Does Gage Davenport have a piece on the side or is there trouble in paradise? Where is heiress Zarah Maddox? In the ladies’ room?

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