Page 104 of Shattered Hearts

“I don’t know. Gage has been working on a couple of cases, and her name keeps popping up. He doesn’t like the idea, either, and I trust him. He’s got instincts I don’t have.”

“He shouldn’t be involved.” I don’t mean to snap and my voice is sharper than I intended, but it’s because of what Jerricka said. If I’m going to start seeing other people, if I’m going to break up with him, then he shouldn’t be weighing in on my care. It wouldn’t be up to him.

Zane lifts onto an elbow. “Why? I thought you two were practically engaged. He told me he’s going to marry you, and I thought that’s what you wanted.”

Tears fill my eyes. “He can do better than me.”

He blows out a breath. “I used to think that about Stella. That any man on this earth would be a better fit for her than a fuckup like me. All the shit I’ve done, Christ. I look in the mirror, Z, and I don’t see a man. I see an asshole who’s destroyed lives, whose parents wouldn’t be proud of him. I let the company go, I deserted you in that hellhole, I believed Ash over anything Stella wanted to tell me. When she went to Florida to stay with her parents, I really believed she’d never come back. Why would she? But love doesn’t see mistakes. Stella doesn’t look at me and see all the things I’ve done wrong. When Gage looks at you, he doesn’t see a woman who was drugged up for five years or a woman struggling to parse out her future. He sees is the woman he loves, that’s all. That’s all he needs.”

“I’m not enough.”

“You’re enough because he thinks you are.”

“No, I’m not. You were right. I should date other people. Set Tate and me up on another date.” It sounds horrible coming out of my mouth, and even Zane frowns.

“Are you going to break up with Gage, Zarah?”

“Yes.” Saying that simple word slices me from the inside. I’ll die from internal bleeding.

“If that’s what you think you need to do.”

“If he loves me that much, he’ll wait. Like you did for Stella.” Except, when I tell him I don’t want to see him anymore, I’ll endit. Completely. Then I can tell Jerricka I did the right thing, and she’ll want me as a patient again.

“Do you...would you want to get out of the city for a while?”

I sit up, my heart hammering. “Really? You’d let me go somewhere?”

“It’s not a question of me letting you go anywhere. You can do what you like as long as you’re keeping yourself safe. You could go to London and visit Nigel and Helena or—”

“I could go to LA and see Mel.”

Slowly, he nods. “You could. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

I throw myself into his arms. Leaving King’s Crossing is the answer to all my prayers. I can get away from Gage, Zane and Stella can have a few weeks alone after they get married. Jerricka and I will have room to breathe, and I can come back to the city refreshed and ready to work to move forward.

Dr. Reagan will reduce my meds again and I’ll keep taking the pills Jerricka prescribed me. It doesn’t matter that they aren’t safe if I’m pregnant. I can stay in LA until I get my period, and if I don’t, I’ll do what I need to do before I come back.

“Thank you.”

“Just as long as you know getting away for a little while is one thing, running from your problems is another. You don’t need to run from anything...you have people who will help you do anything you need to do. Remember that.”

“I will.”

“You’re going to break his heart, you know.”

I force myself to smile. “I’m too complicated. He’d get tired of it sooner or later.”

He tilts his head and tugs his fingers through my snarls. “I don’t think that’s true. I may not know him as well as you do, but I don’t think that’s true. Well, I’m ready to head home. Are you coming?”

“Can I stay here? Will you let me?”

He purses his lips. “If you were asking me if you could stay anywhere else, I’d probably say no. But the security...if you’re sure it’s what you want.”

“Yeah. I’m settled in, and the kitchen’s stocked. I’ll watch a movie or something, then go to bed.”

“All right. And meet up with Stella tomorrow, okay? She was disappointed you didn’t want to go shopping.”

“Yeah, I’ll tell her. Thanks.”

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