Page 65 of The Accidental Honeymoon

"Sure." That answer is more of my ‘new outlook’ bullshit. It’s a lie. I already dread the first incline.

We set off at a moderate pace. The trail winds through a forest of towering pines. Their needles form a soft, springy carpet underfoot. Birdsong competes with the rustle of leaves. The air has a crisp, clean quality that makes me uncomfortably aware of my city-dulled senses.

All this pretty nature, and I have to hoof it like I’m fucking Sisyphus rolling a boulder up an eternal mountain.

I focus on putting one foot in front of the other. The stretch and pull of muscles I’d forgotten I had keeps my mind busy. Sweat beads on my forehead. I wipe it away with the back of my hand and curse silently. This is Jay’s element, not mine. Every step feels like a lifetime.

Seriously, are we there yet?

Still, I can’t deny the beauty of it. Sunlight filters through the canopy in golden shafts, dappling the trail with shifting patterns of light and shadow. A small creek babbles alongside us. Its water is clear and cold as glass.

I steal glances at Jay as we climb. He moves with the easy grace of someone born into the woods. There’s a serenity to him here that I find disarming.

“Blake would have hated this.”

My serenity suddenly sails out the window at the mention of her name.

“What?”

“This. Hiking. She refused to go with me. According to her, anyone that would go for a hike instead of just tackling the stair climber at the gym was crazy.”

For several seconds, I’m silent, my mind churning.

"Why did you propose to her?" I finally ask. "I still don’t really understand. You don’t believe in long-term commitments. Why would you decide that you should tie yourself down to someone who doesn’t like the things that you like?"

Jay stops and turns. His expression is unreadable. "Who says I don’t believe in them?"

"You did. Indirectly at least. I can’t stop wondering why you were prepared to marry Blake."

"I proposed to her because I loved her. Or I thought I did." He takes a deep breath and looks up at the swaying treetops. “The farther away I get from that disaster of a wedding, the more I realize that I was more swept up in the narrative I was telling my fans than anything else. I try to remember how I felt for Blake and….” He goes quiet for a minute. “It just feels fake compared to—”Jay stops midsentence, clapping his mouth closed.

I tilt my head. “Compared to what?”

He turns and looks at me for a few seconds. His blueeyes probe me, studying my face as if looking for hidden answers. But I have none; I was askinghim.

“Could we get to the top before we get too tired to finish?” he asks. “I promise that it’s not much further.”

There’s a strange jitteriness to his words that makes me reach out and stroke his arm. “Of course.”

Jay takes off like he’s a rabbit who’s just heard a fox rustling nearby. It is not lost on me that he promised we would take it slow. I trudge behind him, slowly falling behind, feeling upset in a way I have no right to feel.

Then he looks back and realizes his mistake. “Oh. Uh… Sorry, Calla.” He doubles back, falling in step with me. Nothing is said. It’s just companionable silence and hard climbing for the next few minutes. He is as good as his word and stays with me the entire time.

Just when I think my heart is going to give out, we crest the top of the ridge.

For a moment, there is no sound but gasping for breath. I lean against a tree and pant. Jay looks like he just finished a casual stroll while I try not to die. “You okay?” he asks.

I shake my head, unzipping my jacket and pulling my shirt away from my skin. He rubs my back in slow circles and offers me water that he magically pulls out of his pack. I take the water and lean into his touch.

Up here, it’s just me, Jay, and the trees. Who’s going to tell?

At length, I stand up straight and look around. “Did you say something about an amazing view?”

“I did.” Jay’s teeth flash as he smiles. He holds out his hand and I take it. “Come on, Lily.”

We climb the last few steps to a small, lightly wooded plateau. The view punches the breath right out of me thesecond I see it. The trail was a steep ascent, but this… this is like standing on the edge of the world.

The valley below is a living, breathing thing. I can see a patchwork of bright green farmland squares nestled amongst the sloping hills. Each side of the valley starts off with a subtle rise only to angle and jut sharply upward toward the top. It’s breathtaking. The stream I noticed before snakes into a river that weaves a sinuous ribbon flashing sapphire here and there between emerald hills.

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