Page 99 of The Accidental Honeymoon

"Ready?" he asks again.

"Yeah," I say, taking a deep breath. "Let’s go."

He hits Record. We slip back into our roles as the kitchen delivers us several truly revolting food items fresh off the grill. Dutifully I cut, chew, and swallow, all while smiling at the camera instead of revealing how I really feel about this diner.

Once we’re done filming, I am out of the booth and sprinting to the parking lot like a bullet from a handgun. Jay stays behind, presumably to shake hands with the owner. But he appears through the doorway soon after. “The owner offered me a gift certificate.” He waves it in my direction. “Are you sure you don’t want any taxidermied, square-dancing possums?”

I cross my arms, not just for warmth, and glance at Jay. His hands are in his pockets, his shoulders hunched. The tall, confident man has shrunk. I wonder if this is the real Jay, the one who lives beneath the surface of his public persona.

Or did I just make him smaller? That’s entirely possible.

"I’m sorry," he says after a beat. “For pushing you. For everything."

I uncross my arms, then recross them, unsure what to do with my hands, my body, my words. "I’m sorry I snapped. That was completely uncool.”

"Calla, I think we should have a serious talk about our expectations here."

“I’m trying!” I take a deep breath, the cold air stinging my lungs. "I’ve been in relationships where it was all one-sided before. Where I cared way, way more than the other person. It never ended well."

He stays silent, waiting. I appreciate that he’s not rushing me, that he’s letting me find my own pace.

"That’s why I’m so cautious. It’s not just about the time and effort I put in. It’s about the emotional investment. I’ve thrown myself into things thinking they were real, only to find out I was just a convenience. Or worse, a joke."

Jay’s expression shifts, the lines of his face rearranging into something more somber, more understanding. "Calla, you can’t think that you’re a joke to me.”

"I’m saying that we don’t really know each other. You don’t know my past. I don’t know yours. Everything was fine and easy until… you know, we start being real with each other."

"Let’s focus on the positives," he says. "We’re in this together, and we both have something to gain. Maybe we can even learn from each other."

God, that is exactly what I didn’t want to hear from him.

"We’ll make it work," he says. I want to believe him. I don’t, but I want to.

"We’ll see," I reply. That’s all I can give him.

thirty-five

CALLA

I lie awake,staring straight up at the ceiling. In the cool hush of the bedroom, the only sound is Jay softly breathing beside me. The room is bathed in the deep blue hues of early morning. No longer night, not quite morning. It’s just some other, foreign thing.

I came to bed late. I thought about staying at my place… but I couldn’t stay away from his house. I know this might be one of the last times I get to look at his face.

How stupid am I? Anyway, Jay was already asleep. I was hiding from him. Hiding from my feelings.

When I slip into his bed, Jay stirs and turns to me, eyes half-lidded with sleep. “Calla. You okay?”

No, not really.But I can’t tell him that. I’m too much of a coward to risk making myself completely vulnerable to him. If I’m right, the outcome could shatter my heart. So instead, I lean in and kiss him. Gently at first, then insistently.

He pulls me closer, shaping my body with a quiet, sleepy touch.What if this is the last time I get to feel his body pressed against mine?

It’s slow, drowsy dance. The kind of intimacy that speaks of something deeper than lust. I try to memorize the feel of him. The way his skin warms mine. The way he breathes my name.

"Right here, in your arms.” His words are just a whisper against my bare, heated skin. He wipes the sheen of sweat from my forehead and gives me a husky laugh that I feel right down to my very core. “This is my favorite place to be, Lily."

But does he mean it? A man like Jay has everything going for him. He can have any girl he wants. Would he pick me if we hadn’t accidentally gotten married? I don’t know and the insecurity is eating me alive.

I don’t know what to say, so I settle against his chest, as if that could keep the moment from slipping away.

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