Page 61 of The Accidental Honeymoon

Calla and I are standing at the corner of Greater and Church with Ryan, Bennett, Wren, Ellie, and Iris. We’re a motley crew. Each of us clutches oversized foam fingers and inflatable recliners like true parade enthusiasts.

A float shaped like a gigantic TV remote rolls by. Ryan lets out a whoop. “This is the best thing ever!”

Calla nudges me and points to the next float coming down the street. It’s shaped like a huge bowl of popcorn. People on the float are tossing handfuls of the stuff into the crowd. I duck as a kernel whizzes past my ear.

“Catch some for me!” Calla shouts. She holds her inflatable recliner costume up like a shield.

I grab a few pieces off the ground and stuff them in my mouth. “Delicious.”

She wrinkles her nose in mock disgust. “You’re unhinged.”

“Don’t judge me, Lily. Anything goes today.”

“Unhinged!” she declares.

I pick her up and attempt to throw her over my shoulder, letting her squeals of ohmygodputmedownrightthisminuteJayRustin sail right past me. The recliner she’s wearing is bulky but I slap my full hand right on the meat ofher ass. It makes a delightful sound that wouldn’t be out of place in a porno.

But today is a family event, so instead of taking the logical next steps, I let her roll off my body and free herself.

She huffs indignantly, but I can tell that she’s trying not to laugh. “You’re the worst.”

“But the best husband,” I add with a wink. “You can’t forget that!”

Wren blows a whistle and waves her hand in the air. “Guys! Look!”

For a minute there, I’d forgotten that other people exist. No big deal. Not a sign that I might secretly have feelings for my fake wife. Definitely not that.

We all turn to see a float shaped like a giant recliner. It’s covered in plush fabric and there’s a big-screen TV mounted on the back. A man in a bathrobe and slippers lounges on the chair, holding a remote and sipping what looks like hot cocoa. The whole thing slowly tilts back. The crowd goes wild.

“That is some next-level laziness.” Ryan sounds almost reverent.

Calla leans in close to me. “Imagine the craftsmanship that went into that.” Her breath brushes my ear.

“Yeah. It’s… impressive.” I focus on the float as it tilts back even farther. The crowd’s cheers grow louder. I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Calla grabs my hand and squeezes. “I’m glad we came.”

“Me too.” I mean it. I wink at her, then turn my head, craning to see the next float in the parade. Out of the corner of my eye, I see somethingI wasn’t expecting.

Ryan and Wren stand off to the side, looking like a married couple entering their fortieth year of constant bickering. Wren picks at her nails and looks agitated. Ryan stares off into the distance. It’s obvious that they’ve just had words.

“Hey, you two!” I call out. “Why the long faces?”

Ryan shrugs. “Just taking a breather.”

I look at Wren. She won’t meet my eyes. “Wren, what’s up? Why are you being so weird?”

She looks up sharply. “Maybe I’m just tired, Jay. Or maybe it’s something else. Maybe you should mind your own business.”

I’m stunned. Wren has never talked to me like this. She’s my little sister. I’m supposed to know what’s going on with her. “Wren, I?—”

“Forget it.” She walks away. “You two both suck.”

I look at Ryan. He just shakes his head. “Don’t look at me, dude.”

The parade’s cheerful chaos swirls around us. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

“She didn’t mean it.” Calla puts a hand on my arm. “Whatever it is, she’ll come around.”

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