Page 60 of Keeping It Professional

CHAPTER 21

MILES

My new partner saw me like I’d once seen Sophie: an annoying newcomer she’d need to break in. She was probably fifty, with short-cropped gray hair, her lips always pursed like she’d sucked a lemon. She stopped me, our first shift, on my way to sign in.

“I’m Magda,” she said. “I heard about you.”

I opened my mouth to ask what she’d heard, but she made azztsound:zip your lip.

“I know five years ago, you spent six months on admin leave. You ran into a house on fire, ignoring orders. Almost got yourself killed, not to mention your partner. And now there’s talk you’ve transferred in a hurry. Transferred right after a traumatic call. I’m telling you now, I donotwork with cowboys. One whiff of cowboy shit, that’s it. We’re done. Do you think you can handle that, or should we call it right now?”

I muttered that I could handle it, and she narrowed her eyes. She stared me down till I blinked, then turned away. I braced myself for a long day of nagging, but she barely spoke once our shift hadbegun. When she did speak, it was just to bark orders:You drive. Spine board. Stand back. Let me.She was good at her job, so I didn’t fight, just did what she said and got through the day.

Our next shift was the same, and every shift after that. I found myself sidelined, more often than not, watching while Magda took charge of the scene. I wasn’t too proud to learn from her experience, but I missed the rhythm I’d had with Sophie. I missed our give-and-take, and her easy smile. Magda never smiled, at least not at me.

We wrapped up our latest shift with a nod and a grunt, and she went her way and I went mine. All I wanted to do was dive into bed, but my phone started chirping about halfway home. I put it on silent, but it buzzed on the seat. One step through my door, and my house phone went off. I picked it up.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah?What the hell?”

My head spun for a moment, then it hit me. “Brian?”

“Who do you think? Are you on your way?”

I leaned in the doorway, massaging my brow. Pins clattered, muffled, down the end of the line. I could hear children screaming and the rumble of balls. Bowling, damn it. Was that today?

“It’s Sunday already?”

“Yeah. Hurry up.”

I groaned. “I don’t think… Could I take a rain check? I’ve had a long week, and?—”

“You’re kidding, right?”

A worm of irritation coiled in my gut. I couldn’t missoneday? What was he, my wife? I knew he was lonely with the divorce, but we all had our problems. He wasn’t unique.

“I’m exhausted,” I said. “I’ve had a crappy few weeks. Forgive me if I’m not in the mood to go bowling.”

“You could’ve called, at least. I’ve been waiting an hour.”

My irritation uncurled and spread through my chest, no longer a worm but a crackling wildfire. I couldn’t have held it back if I’d tried. “You know what? Screw you, and the horse you rode in on. I’m in hell over here, and you call just to nag? No ‘hello, how are you, everything good?’ No ‘hey, you okay, since the whole—since the fire?’ You call just to yell at me, just?—”

“Miles.”

“Just to be a dick? Here’s a newsflash: no one likes bowling. No one under sixty, so?—”

“Miles.”

“So you go to hell.”

I hung up, breathing hard, and yanked the phone from the wall. My cell buzzed in my pocket, and I tossed it aside. The house was too bright, so I drew all the shades, then I face-planted into the couch. I could hear my phone buzzing on the hall table, but I ignored it. I ignored Brian. He’d have ditched me eventually. Everyone did. He’d only stuck with me this long because of last time. Because of five years ago, when I’d nearly flamed out. He was a do-gooder, was Brian’s problem, hanging around out of some misplaced guilt.

I rolled on my back. Closed my eyes tight. In the dark, I saw Nick, then the man from the crash. The one from the yellowcar, pinched nearly in two. We couldn’t have saved him. Nobody could. There wasn’t enough of him left to patch up. But the one before him, with the pipe through his gut,couldwe have helped him? Had we done all we could? I went over it all again, how Sophie’s voice cracked. How I stopped to check on her, getting out of the bus. FD should’ve restrained him, but so should we. I could’ve secured him before he flipped out. Or Sophie could. Or both of us. If I hadn’t been distracted, if she’d been calmer…

I reached in my pocket and pulled out my wallet. It fell open to Nick’s picture, all faded to hell. One day, that picture would fade all the way, till all you could see would be ghosts where we’d been. Shadows for eyes. Nick’s gaping scream. Mom and Dad in the background, yellowing shapes.

One day they’d all be gone.

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