Page 35 of Keeping It Professional

I hunched up my shoulders. He didn’t get it. I wasn’t passing on Sophie incaseit got weird. I was passing because one day I knew it would. Best-case scenario, we’d fall in love, then I’d do something, or she would, and we’d end up hurt — and not just our hearts, but our careers. She’d have to transfer, or one of us would. Word would spread we’d been lovers and we’d split up, and we’d let it affect how we did our job. We’d go from trusted teammates to dumb, horny flakes.

“I know what you’re thinking: you’ll just break up.”

“Most relationships end that way. Yours did.” I regretted the words even as I was saying them. Brian made a sound like he’d been punched in the gut. He sat down again, on the ball return.

“Sorry,” I said.

“You’re an asshole, but listen. Yeah, I’m divorced. And, yeah, that was awful, and it affected my work. I took that month off because I was slipping, making mistakes I never would make. But if I had a time machine and I could go back, I’d still ask her to marry me, for better and worse.”

I scoffed. “You would not.”

“Yeah, Iwould, because we were great. We were married ten years and eight were amazing, and if I could do it again, you bet I would. Even knowing she’d leave in the end.”

I thought of what Sophie had said about the past. About how it was sometimes good to look back. But most of the time, if you asked me, it wasn’t. I’d remember Nick mostly when I’d had a bad day, a patient I hadn’t saved. A rescue gone south. I’d think of him then, and how I’d tried to save him, and the look on his face as the light left his eyes. Had the good times been worth thatlook of betrayal? Or would it be better to remember nothing at all?

“You’re going broody,” said Brian. “I’ll grab us some beers.”

I tried to picture my childhood with Nick lifted out, the park with just me, the schoolyard, the beach. But we’d come as a package deal, Miles and Nick. Nick and Miles. The beach without both of us was only sand. The park was just grass, the schoolyard just asphalt. We’d had other friends, but their faces were blurs, their names in my memory fuzzy and dim.

“Here.” Brian thrust a paper plate at me. “I got you a slice. Olive-pepperoni.”

Normally, I’d have suspected his motives: had he brought me pizza to grease up my grip? But he didn’t need that today, the way I’d been playing. I took a bite.

“Ow. Still hot.”

“Cool off with some beer.”

“That your medical advice?”

Brian laughed. “Yeah.”

I took a cool swig of beer. It was crisp and refreshing, and the pizza was good. Today had been good, despite my losing game. If Brian left someday, got a job somewhere else, would I sit around wishing we’d never met? I didn’t think so, and I wouldn’t give up Nick either. So, why not see where things went with Sophie?

“Ithasbeen a while,” I said.

Brian wiped his chin. “Huh?”

“Since I’ve tried dating. It’s been, uh…” I tried to remember how long. Brian had set me up a year or two back, and we’d chugged on a few months before we’d split up. “Since Alex, I think. What’s that, two years?”

“More like four.”

“No way was it that long.”

“No, it was.” Brian set down his pizza to count back on his fingers. “You still had that place back then, with the narrow front door. And I’d just got my dog, so, yeah. Four, five years.”

I got up, grabbed my ball, and bowled it hard down the lane. It flew straight at first, then veered to one side, and struck one sad pin. Brian golf-clapped.

“You know what I miss?” he said. “It’s the little things. I miss having someone to share a day off with, and crash out and chain-watchBachelorreruns. To text stupid things to, because I know she’ll laugh.” He took his own ball and bowled a strike, and blew on his fingers like they were smoking.

“Rub it in, why don’t you?”

“Don’t mind if I do.” He marked his strike on our score sheet. I watched my ball roll back. I tried to imagine a day off with Sophie, sprawled out on my ratty couch, her feet in my lap. It wasn’t as hard to picture as I’d have thought. She could fit in that scene. We could fit together. I’d find her sweaters draped over my chairs. She’d get a spare toothbrush for when she stayed over. We’d wake up together and carpool to work, and I’d meet her mom. She’d already met Brian.

I pulled out my phone, then put it away. I wasn’t going to ask her out with Brian looming. But later, on my own, I guessed I just might.

CHAPTER 13

SOPHIE

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