Page 27 of Daddy's Little Matchmaker

“Glad you like it. Tell me about being in denial for ten years. What does that mean, exactly?”

She took another sip, and stared at her glass while she spoke. “It means I hated myself for the things I thought about when I masturbated. I refused to acknowledge those thoughts or feelings at any other time of day. I told myself I was normal, and that I was going to have a happy little vanilla life with this one weird anomaly that I would never tell anyone about. Early on I believed that once I fell in love, those thoughts would go away. They didn’t.”

He put a hand on her knee, and she focused on him.

“The first time I had a wet dream, it wasn’t about something sweet and gentle. It was violent. To say I was confused would be an understatement. But pretty early on, I told myself it was okay to have those thoughts as long as I never followed through on them.”

Tessica said, “That first year, I cried more than once after an orgasm. I couldn’t understand why such horrible things would excite me in the moment, when those same thoughts disgusted me if I thought about them objectively.”

Connor scooted even closer so that their hips touched, and put an arm around her shoulders. “Tell me about those thoughts.”

Tessica’s face heated up and she shook her head.

Connor said softly, “When I was thirteen, my first wet dream was about my next-door neighbors. It was a family with two kids. The boy was in my class, and the girl was a couple of years older than us. I heard their father threaten to spank both of them over the years. In my dream, he was spanking his daughter.”

Tessica gasped and put a hand over her mouth. It was so similar to her own early orgasmic thoughts that she couldn’t believe it. She looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but honesty and vulnerability.

He continued. “A few months later, I imagined myself spanking her. That eventually moved to me forcing her onto her knees, and choking her with my cock while she cried.”

She nodded, focused on her wine glass and whispered, “The first time I brought myself to orgasm, I imagined playing house with my boyfriend. Except he wasn’t the husband in my fantasy, he was pretending to be my Baby. And he wasn’t exactly a willing participant. I was forcing it on him while he cried and begged me to stop, and then I spanked him when he refused.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Connor gave her a side hug.

“Do you think I’m sick?” she asked.

“Of course not.”

Both of them paused their conversation as the waiter brought their first course.

“Gougères for your hors d’oeuvre.”

Once the waiter left, Tessica asked, ‘Gougères?”

Four brown rolls the size of golf balls sat on a plate.

“Cheese puff pastries. Probably goat cheese.” He took his arm off her shoulders and reached for one.

She picked one up and bit into it. The puffs were fifty percent air, and the rest tasted like a rich cheese bread without the greasiness of melted cheese. “Mmm,” she hummed appreciatively.

He popped one in his mouth and chewed slowly. He took a sip of wine and picked up another puff. “What happened when you were twenty-six that made you stop lying to yourself?”

She poked at her second puff as she answered. “The internet. I mean I’d been using a computer at work for a while by then, but I didn’t have a personal computer at home until then.”

“When did you get married?”

“That same year. It was his computer.” She ate her second puff.

“Did you tell him about it?” Connor asked.

“Not at first.”

After a moment of silence, Connor said, “Maybe elaborate on that.”

She sighed. “I graduated college in ’94, with a bachelor’s degree in accounting, but I needed more credits before I could take my CPA exam. My parents helped me out for the first four years, but after that, they said I had to pay for the rest of my education myself. I got an entry-level job, lived at home, and went to night school to get the rest of my credits. I met Austin in night school. We studied together, and one thing led to another. He was handsome and funny, and felt much more mature than other guys I’d met in college. We got engaged when I was twenty-three and married when I was twenty-four.”

She took a drink of her wine. “I moved from my parents’ house into his apartment the day after we got married.”

“Were you a virgin?”

---