Page 36 of Still Falling for You

I’m brought back to the present and wonder how much I’ve ever actually known Alex.

Oblivious to my bittersweet trip down memory lane, Alex takes a slow sip of his coffee. ‘They’re coming.’

I follow his lead and start drinking my beverage. The sweetness tastes almost bitter on my tongue and Ihmmmin approval.

Registering the approaching footsteps, I can’t stop my body from tensing.

‘By the way, I strongly approve of your band choice.’

I splutter into my cup. I hoped he hadn’t noticed my T-shirt.

‘Holly. I thought it was you,’ Aaron greets me as soon as hestops by our table.

I recognise the doll-like brunette next to him, even though the last time we met she had less clothing on and was significantly more flushed. Aaron towers over her, and I bet he loves it; he always hated I was a bit taller.

The woman, Eva, smiles at me good-naturedly, like we’re friends and not like she’s a dirty homewrecker who derailed my life. I hate everything about her, so I ignore her and focus on the spawn of Satan in front of me. I don’t understand why he’s come over to say hi in the first place, especially with the truncated conversation about repayment hanging over our heads. If I were him, I’d avoid me. If I were him, I’d dig myself a very deep hole, cover it with heavy rocks and finish it off with a layer of concrete. I’d stay there, marinating in my own guilt and shame and contemplate what a bad person I was until I ran out of oxygen.

‘Aaron.’ I’m pleased with myself because I sound almost dignified. As dignified as somebody can be wearing a faded Spice Girls top.

Aaron scans the table and ends at the emptied sachets of sugar in front of Alex, knowing full well how I drink my coffee. Then his face scrunches up and I’m forced to find the source of offence. Alex’s hand has ended up casually resting next to mine on the table. To a stranger, it might seem Alex and I are a couple, as preposterous as it sounds. I feel wounded that Aaron should be this aghast at me having a male companion.

Judging by his rigid posture, Aaron’s waiting for me to introduce Alex or for Alex to introduce himself, but neither of us makes a move. It’s like we’ve rehearsed this. Mirth makes my lip twitch, and my nausea retreats.

Unable to stand the tension, Eva smiles at Alex, but he’s doing his Lord Sugar impression, staring at her in that intimidatingly passive way he used to at me at school. With that performance, I’ll have to buy him a life-long supply of coffeeand pastries.

‘How have you been?’ Aaron loses the game. He’s always been a people pleaser and could never stand the idea of people disapproving of him.

‘Great actually.’ I don’t elaborate, and I don’t ask him how he’s been. I hope he’s had the worst time ever.

‘Aaron has just been promoted.’ Eva pulls herself up to her full hobbit height. Aaron’s cheeks gain a subtle pink sheen, and he adjusts his watch; he’s embarrassed. Good.

‘Good for you.’ I take another sip of my coffee.

Eva rubs her rounded belly pressing against the blue cashmere jumper. I’ve tried studiously ignoring that part of her body for the last two minutes but failed. ‘Oh, dear. I have to pee. It’s the baby,’ she says jovially to Alex who remains stone-faced. Who saysoh dear? She pecks Aaron on the cheek before she strides towards the toilets at the back of the café. One of Aaron’s past comments rings in my head. He used to complain that I never kissed him in public. I guess he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted.

Alex’s phone starts ringing. For a nanosecond, his brow furrows, the old Alex glimpsing through that gesture. He used to have that exact expression whenever his phone rang, always anticipating a catastrophe, but I guess Alex had to turn into a fatalist. When he pulls it out of his pocket,Janelights up the screen.

‘Take it. It might be important,’ I say calmly, but on the inside, I’m screamingdon’t leave me. I hate to admit it, but Alex’s presence has steadied me.

He weaves through the crowd that has just strode through the door and heads outside, disappearing from view.

Once Alex is gone, Aaron drops the pretence. ‘Can’t you be more civil? It’s not like we’re at war. We split up. That’s not the end of the world.’ He scolds me like we’re still together. ‘And what’s up with that?’ He points towards Alex’svacated seat.

It takes me a while to process his words because a part of me still thinks he’s not being serious, but his expression and body language say otherwise. How had I missed seeing what a colossal arsehat he is?

‘How would you like me to be? Friendlier?’ My voice drips with sarcasm.

He scowls at my tone. ‘Eva has nothing to do with this.’

I don’t deign to react to his stupid comment because, of course, Eva has everything to do with this. ‘I’ve messaged you,’ I say to change the topic. The power balance has tipped slightly in my favour.

‘I’ve been busy.’ He rakes his hand through his hair, making the top stand up. That’s when I notice the subtle changes about him. His hair, usually immaculately styled, looks messy, and his T-shirt is creased. His stubble has also seen better days. I wonder how he’s been enjoying his new life, but I’m not petty enough to ask him that and give him the satisfaction of making me the villain.

He exhales loudly and sits in Alex’s seat. A breath whooshes out of me. Have I given him the wrong impression?

He leans over the table, moving the coffee cups to one side. He invades my space by parking his arms so close I have to move my hands to my lap. It feels almost like the old times, when he says, ‘Let’s not fight. It’s the promotion and all the baby stuff. It’s exhausting. It’s a scan here, a pre-natal course there.’ He rubs his stubble and waits for my reaction.

I’ve never realised it until now, but Aaron is an emotional vampire. He drains but doesn’t give in return. We were never a good match.

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