Page 55 of Still Falling for You

‘Is that why you never finish?’ I eye his glass. It’s something I noticed at Becky’s birthday party. He left every drink he ordered unfinished.

Surprised at my observation, he nods almost imperceptibly.

My glass joins his on the table. ‘Addiction is a mental disorder. It’s not a choice. You don’t suddenly wake up and turn into an addict.’ The weight of his gaze nails me to the sofa like a butterfly pinned to the spreading board.

‘Logically, I know that, and I know she tried to get better, but she couldn’t.’

The sadness that radiates off his body shakes me to the core, and not for the first time I hope that Jane was there for him when his mum passed away. I hate the idea of him carrying it alone. Nobody has ever cared for Alex, and I realise with fear that I want to be the one to care for him. I want to be the person he relies on, the person he comes to when he’s feeling sad or angry.

He brings me back to reality. ‘What are you going to do about your dad?’

A desperate need to unload my thoughts, even though they are crude and a little naïve, takes over my logic. ‘I’m relieved that he’s OK.’ I hesitate, swallowing nervously. ‘But I don’t know whether I can just forgive and forget.’ My voice is as weak as a thread about to snap. ‘But I want to so much. I want to go back to what we had before I found out. I miss it. I miss us.’ I don’t think I’m talking about my dad any more.

Alex shifts in his seat and ends up so close I can smell the woody, and now familiar, smell of him. Goosebumps creep up my arms. The air changes between us and becomes charged. If I touched him now, he’d send an electric shock through my body. His hand rests in the space between us, and I agonise over the few centimetres that separate our bodies.

This is far from what I intended. All I thought I would get was an easy conversation followed by passionate sex. I didn’t expect to steer into dark, murky waters, and I didn’t expect to need it this much.

His chest under his shirt expands with rapid breaths. ‘Before we left school, Jane told me you asked her to assignyou a different mentor.’

‘I don’t think I can carry on like this.’ There’s no space for lies between us now. ‘I thought it would be for the best to go our separate ways.’

He closes his eyes briefly before he says with resolution, ‘I lied to you the other night.’ His expression changes from hooded to open and vulnerable. I frown. ‘When I said I didn’t know what I wanted.’ Everything goes completely still.

‘I want you.’ My mind scrambles, but he’s not finished. ‘Any way I can get you. I know this is not the right time, with your dad and…’ He trails off. His confession unlocks me.

I only hesitate for a few seconds before I bring my hands to his cheeks. Holding him steady, I whisper, ‘I want you, too.’

I lift to my knees, and without overthinking it, I straddle him. Immediately, his hands roam up my back, pulling my hips forward. Every contact of our bodies sends shivers to my core. His thighs feel powerful underneath me, and I shift to find a comfortable position which makes us flush against each other in all the places that matter. Heat radiates off his body; he’s a furnace, and I want to warm myself against him.

He smells of wine and mint, and the combination is heady. His eyes glaze over with desire as he finds purchase on my thighs. My skirt hitches up over my knees, exposing white expanses of bare skin. When his fingertips connect with my bare flesh, his grip tightens. He leans into me at the same time I arch against him, and then we’re kissing. The kiss immediately deepens. I anchor my hands against his broad shoulders, and he grips my bum under my skirt. I shift against him to get better access, and that’s when I feel him hardening. He groans, and a sense of thrill travels the length of my body. It’s intoxicating to know that we still do this to each other. But this time, there will be no playing around. I need him now.

He pulls at the bow at my neck, and it unravels with the flick of his expert fingers. I proceed to unbutton my blouse ashe does the same to his shirt, his hands swift and impatient. Finally, we’re on the same wavelength and want the same thing.

He grinds against me as he disposes of his shirt. We’re both out of breath by the time we’re topless, but it’s heavenly to feel his skin against mine. His chest is big and powerful. A light smattering of golden freckles covers his shoulders and upper body, the rest of him is the palest white.

He buries his head against my collarbone and kisses the space between the bone and shoulder. I shiver when he lowers one of my bra straps, nipping the exposed skin underneath. He repeats it with the other strap. ‘I’ve dreamed of doing this so many times.’ His tone is reverent.

‘I’ve dreamed of you doing this so many times,’ I admit in a hushed tone, echoing his words. He dips his fingers inside my bra, stroking my breast. I tip my head back as a sensation bolts through me like lightning. He starts undoing the clip of my bra, but before he manages to unhook it, he sits up and yelps. He hefts me up in his arms, making me squeal, and moves us sideways to discover a spring popping through the threadbare fabric of the sofa where he was sitting. I didn’t even know the sofa had springs inside.

He must think me a total loser for living in this dump, but instead of saying anything of that nature, he starts laughing so hard his chest rumbles against mine. It gets me laughing as well, and I start shaking with violent fits of it. We look at each other for a moment and that sends us into another bout of laughter. I can see the humour in this.

‘This place is not safe for habitation,’ he offers when we finally stop.

‘You haven’t seen the bathroom,’ I respond coquettishly.

He tightens his grip on my waist. ‘Oh, the infamous bathroom where dead bodies have been known to have been buried.’ I love how playful he is. He feels different, like a door has been opened and I’m standing at the threshold ready to walkin and see all the wonders that are there to offer. Just looking at him, all flushed and eyes shiny, I want this moment to last forever.

‘A dead body, singular. I’ll have you know this is a respectable place. We don’t cater for serial killers. Not enough room,’ I announce sardonically, and it sends him into another fit of laughter.

He leans into me, and then there’s no laughing.

‘Bedroom?’ I suggest between kisses, and he nods frantically. I’m about to stand up when he grips my thighs and pulls himself to his feet with me. I wrap my legs around his waist and let him carry me towards the bed.

When we reach the destination, he swipes the bag I abandoned on the covers and it clatters to the floor, a few items scattering about the lino. Again. He drops me on the bed and then immediately stretches over me. The weight of him against my slight frame is exhilarating. We’re an unfinished dot-to-dot puzzle; I savour every place we connect, and I’m thrilled about every place we don’t yet. I have never wanted anything more than this right now. Him. Us.

My skirt gets discarded and then I’m underneath him only in my underwear. He’s still wearing his work trousers and a kinky part of me is thinking of leaving them on, but then the idea is chased away by another more urgent and primal thought of having Alex completely naked above me.

He grinds against me, and I can’t stop the moan from escaping my mouth. This is really happening. Now. Finally. I reach down to unzip his trousers. This is an unknown territory because as much as he’s touched me before, I’ve never touched him like this.

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