Page 3 of Still Falling for You

Jane discusses the day’s agenda. All of us will first sit through a safeguarding update and then we will set off on our own, completing an online safeguarding training before the first tea break. Then the whole afternoon is devoted to classroom prep and another tea break. Jane even includes a teaching assistant rotation to help out with classroom displays. I’m impressed with how organised this school is.

John’s knee knocks into my notebook. Looking like he’s ready to take a nap, he’s manspreading with one of his ankles crossed over his knee, his foot hovering dangerously close to the nearest cup on the desk. When he catches me staring, he winks at me. Not wanting to seem unapproachable, I smile despite feeling like shaking him like maracas. If he was any more laid-back, he’d be horizontal.

It happens then. I peruse the classroom to familiarise myself with all the faces in the room when I meet with a pair of the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen. My stomach plunges while my heart claws up my throat. The one and only Alex Bennet stares back at me from across the classroom like I’m a stranger.

He looks different. His wild red hair is short, and he’s dressed in a grey suit with a waistcoat. His features are harsh and unsmiling. The temperature between us drops to Arctic in the dead of winter, but nobody else notices.

At that precise moment, Jane says, ‘Alex, the floor is yours.’

But he’s still staring at me like he hasn’t heard her, and a few people turn their heads our way. Finally realising that people are gawking at him, he focuses on Jane and his face relaxes, resembling, a little, the Alex I knew. My chest twists.

When he passes by, a black-haired woman to John’s left titters while openly assessing Alex’s backside. Then she whispers something to John who leans toward her a little too eagerly.

Alex stands in front of the room with confidence, and it hits me once again. This is really happening. I’ve never been moregrateful to have mastered the art of a poker face. But despite my best efforts, I can’t stop cataloguing the changes that the last ten years have made to Alex’s body. The boy’s gone, and instead, there’s this intimidating grown man. He’s filled out around his arms and shoulders while still retaining some of his boyish leanness. He’s also taller, but maybe it’s the effect of the power suit and the confidence he holds himself with. Immediately, his demeanour puts me on the defensive.

‘Morning, everyone. It’s nice to see you back. I hope you had a restful summer and are ready for the new term. Let’s get to work.’ His voice is deeper, more clipped, and it makes my insides twist into figure-eight knots.

This version of Alex is alien. The eighteen-year-old Alex never spoke in front of more than three people and avoided crowded spaces. That Alex detested power suits and authoritarian figures. He’s become everything my version of Alex hated.

Alex starts speaking. I vaguely catch the wordssafeguardingandlaw, but my head isn’t really in it. I’m still utterly stunned, a feeling similar to local anaesthesia before minor surgery.

I watch him as he leans to retrieve a stack of handouts and passes it to a woman in the front who distributes them. A smattering of freckles shines golden across his nose and cheeks under the spotlight above the teacher’s desk.

He points towards various people in the room who are directly involved with safeguarding procedures. Ellie, the SENCO and designated safeguarding lead, who is a woman in her forties and beams at everyone perhaps too enthusiastically for the start of a new academic term, her assistant Becky, and Tom, the pastoral lead, who is my dad’s age and has a wild mop of greying hair.

By the time I recover, Alex wraps up the update and directs people to complete the safeguarding online training in their respective classrooms.

Most people immediately vacate their seats and a fewgrumble that this whole meeting was pointless, eventually trickling out of the classroom. Nothing new here. A few people hover, chatting with their colleague friends. I pretend to be gathering my things when in truth, I’m inconspicuously checking Alex out. He sits down by the computer and starts tapping on the keyboard like I’m not here at all.

‘Morning, Holly.’

I find Jane towering over me. I wonder how long she’s been standing there. Her brown eyes behind the purple glasses have sparks of amusement in them that I haven’t seen before. I think she’s trying not to laugh at the state of me.

‘I see you’ve had a bit of a disaster this morning.’ Her eyes drift to my sodden jumper. ‘Sorry I didn’t respond to your email.’

I emailed Jane to tell her I was going to be late due to road maintenance before I left my flat.

‘I’m so sorry. I’m never late, but I guess today has been…’ I trail off, but she stops me from finishing the sentence anyway.

‘Don’t worry about it. I know you’re always punctual. Your previous school spoke highly of your commitment.’ My eyebrows rise in surprise. ‘Some days everything goes wrong.’ She hits the proverbial nail on the head. ‘Do you have anything to change into?’

‘I didn’t think I would be struck by a tsunami, so I didn’t pack a change of clothes. I’m sure it’ll dry soon.’

She shakes her head. ‘That’s not acceptable. Come with me and I’ll find you something.’ She throws a quick look Alex’s way, but he doesn’t even lift his head.

When we get to her office, Jane rummages through lost items and finds me a green T-shirt that fits snuggly around my torso. It’s embarrassing because I’m ninety-nine per cent sure that it belonged to a child.

After, she leaves me in my new classroom and tells me my ECT mentor will be with me shortly. Before she leaves, apuckered v appears between her neatly plucked eyebrows.

My new classroom feels empty, a clean slate. The windows running along the entire outside wall let in the morning sunshine. A solitary beam reaches my desk and sets the surface alight, a silver lining.

I get an overwhelming sense that everything is going to be OK. It’ll be the new start I so desperately need and not even the unexpected appearance of Alex is going to spoil it. It’s a big school and the chances of seeing Alex often are minimal.

The door swings inwards, and my ECT mentor enters the room. I train a pleasant smile on my face, but it drops immediately when I home in on a neat grey suit.

Bollocks.

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