Page 30 of Ulfar

This isn’t like me. I’m an alpha, a warrior, and one of the elite few that served under Soren in the great war. So why can’t I figure out this one small thing?

As I slip the book into Enebris’s saddlebags, even she can tell something’s up.

“I don’t know, girl.” I swing myself up onto her back and look up at the darkening sky. It’s nearly sundown, taking me all day to get here, but I’m too antsy to stay the night. I need answers. “What do you think, huh?” I ask Enebris, leaning against her long neck and petting her mane, deep in thought.

She merely grunts in response, blowing air out through her teeth and pawing at the soft earth. Just as impatient as I am, I guess. I had planned on camping the night and then returning in the morning, but I don’t think either of us would get much sleep tonight. So I turn around and urge Enebris forward into the setting sun.

* * *

The night wears on,but every step brings me closer to Sarah. To my home. And that’s what it is, I realize with a great weight in my chest. Whatever happens, I want to be where she is. I didn’t expect her to be anything more than a means to an end when this all started. A box to check off. A duty to perform. But she’s so much more than that.

Every time I think about her radiant smile, her soft curves, or the innocent, vulnerable look on her face when she’s fast asleep, I spur Enebris a little bit faster. It’s well after midnight by the time we reach the outskirts of the main village, and farther still to reach the ISA cottages. There’s a stable near there for my mount.

I’m debating whether to continue on back to the cottage, risking waking Sarah up in the middle of the night, when I see the light click on in my friend Orri’s home.

He’s up—but why?

My curiosity drives me forward, and before I know it I’m knocking at his door. Orri answers after a moment, eyes red and ringed with sleep deprivation. “Ulfar...” he starts, looking past me. “What are you doing here? And Enebris, too. What’s wrong?”

“May I come in? I need to talk to you about something.”

He looks over his shoulder. “Let me check with Bella. The babies have been keeping us up all hours of the night.”

And sure enough, I hear the telltale wail of a fussy child coming from inside the house. That could be me soon, I realize. “Go ahead.” I wave him away. “Another few minutes out here isn’t gonna kill me.” It’s cold, but I’ve been through worse.

Orri chuckles, then goes back into the house. He returns a few moments later with his mate Isabella in tow. She’s holding an infant in her arms and looks even more exhausted, if that’s possible. “Come in, Ulfar. You’ll get sick if you stay out there all night.” I take Enebris and put my mount into their stable. She’ll be fine in there while I have this conversation.

Finally out of the darkness, I set down my gear and look around the small cottage. It’s nice—filled with handicrafts and soft, natural accents that make the place feel like an extension of the outdoors. A toddler, no more than a few years old, sits on the ground teething at a soft ring. Wide eyes look up at me, the cries stopping immediately as they take in the sight of the newcomer.

“Looks like they’ve been a handful,” I observe with a smile. I extend my hand toward the little one in Isabella’s arms, and the baby reaches out in turn, tiny digits gripping my index finger.

So small. So soft. Something melts inside of me at the touch, and it’s not even my child. Stars only know how much of a mess I’ll be when it’s my own kid. Speaking of which...

“I wanted to ask you something,” I start again, folding my hands and trying to find the words. I tilt my head at the couch, lined with animal pelts and looking warm and comforting after the long overnight trek. “May I?”

Orri nods, and I sigh in relief after taking a load off. “It’s about my assigned omega. Sarah.”

He gives me a knowing glance, then turns to Isabella and the children. “Why don’t you take these two back to bed? I won’t be long.”

“All right,” she says. “But don’t stay up too late. Come on, let’s go.” And with a surprisingly little amount of sniffling, the little one follows her, leaving us alone in the living room.

“So what’s this all about?” Orri asks at last. He sits down in the chair opposite mine, leaning forward and resting his chin on his hands. “It must be pretty serious for you to come all the way out here in the dead of night.” His face blanches for a moment. “Your mate, Sarah, she’s not...”

I bite back a curse. Of course he’d go there—he lost his first mate in a battle so many years ago. I should have known better than to worry him like that. Already I see flickers of that old memory flaring up, haunting his usually bright eyes.

“No, no!” I shake my head, trying to reassure him. “I’m sorry, it’s nothing like that. It’s more that...” I rub the back of my neck. It feels so weird to be open like this. I’ve never been good with my feelings. Always figured they were for other people to make a fit about. Not me. But this whole alpha and omega thing has thrown everything I know into question, and I’m desperate for answers. So I swallow my pride and continue.

“Sarah’s...been confusing, to say the least. One minute she’s happy and the next, she seems upset about something. Every time I talk about her family or her home world, she tenses up and won’t tell me what’s going on. I thought everything was going great, we even had a mini vacation and I told her about my intentions, but then she sends me on this wildakichase to find a book she left behind, and I don’t know why.”

Orri thinks for a moment, then straightens. “Hmm. It does seem like she’s struggling with something. Bella and I had our own share of struggles. You know well what happened between Zannah and I. Took a long time to come to terms with that. An even longer time to open up to Bella about it. She had scars too, but over time we managed to find a rhythm that worked for us.”

I stare at the ground, grimacing. “I’ve been trying, but it feels like it’s been one step forward and two steps back. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“Let me ask you this,” Orri says, voice lowering and becoming more serious. “Do you resonate with her? Do you think she is your heart-mate?”

Even the word activates something deep within me, a primal longing that can’t just be hormones alone. “Yes. I feel her within me, filling up all the spaces I never knew were empty. She is the one for me, Orri. I know it.” I pause and let out a sigh. “But I don’t know if she feels the same.”

He reaches out and pats his hand on mine. “You’re a smart man, Ulfar. We’ve traveled together, fought together, faced death together. And I can’t hope to know what’s going through your head right now, but I know how scared and conflicted I felt when Isabella resonated within me.” Orri’s face turns wistful for only a second, but then he continues.

---