“I had a crush on her since the first time I met her. As we grew up and became adults, I thought for sure she was the one for me. We did everything together. Fought together. Ate together. Trained together. After a while, we even moved in together.”
For a while, the only sounds are the thudding of my heart and Isabella’s soft, even breaths. Far away, in the kitchen perhaps, a clock imperceptibly ticks away the seconds.
“I thought we were in love. Itfeltlike we were in love.” I let out a breath and shake my head. “Perhaps I was blind. She never said as much, but I knew that we were meant to be together. That we would be heart-mates, if only she could see that it was time to bond together…”
The sky darkens further, and a clap of thunder sounds in the distance. Funny, then, that it matches my darkened mood exactly.
“I never got a chance to tell her how I really felt. And that day on the battlefield when she looked up at me, covered in blood, and told me to run…” My chest seizes up and my voice breaks. This time, tears fleck to my eyes instead. Damn it!
“I failed her.” My voice cracks, shoulders shaking. I haven’t let myself feel this much since she passed. I didn’t think I’d ever find another soul I could open up to. But something about Isabella, even if she was sleeping and exhausted, made me feel safe for once in my life. Made me feel like perhaps I could change the ending of my story.
After Zannah’s death, I’d come to terms long ago that I’d grow old alone and die alone, without a woman to warm my bed or claim my heart. But what if that didn’t have to be the case?
I don’t know what to think anymore, and I don’t know how to put it into words. If I told all this to Isabella while she was awake, she’d probably look at me like I was completely crazy. Despite all appearances, I’ve never been too good with emotions. Turned them off and away, like most of us did. On the battlefield, they were a liability. And in our personal lives?
Too many of us had experienced loss there, too.
I run a hand softly through Isabella’s dark hair again, letting the soft strands fall through my fingertips. She won’t ever be mine, not in that way. But she doesn’t have to be. For the time that we have together, I’ll do my best to be the alpha she deserves. If I had been the one to fall that day, leaving Zannah alone without a mate, I would hope someone would look after her.
Would take that precious girl into their arms and bring a smile back to her pretty face. So that’s what I’ll do. Stay by her side, be the rock she needs.
And at the end of it all, we can both part ways knowing that we did the right thing.
The sound of a sniffle catches my attention and when I refocus on the scene in front of me, Isabella’s awake. And looking right at me. I freeze.
How much did she hear?
And why was she crying?
“I…” She starts, voice warbling. “I had no idea, Orri. I’m so sorry.” She wraps her arms around me and shifts even closer, laying her head against my chest.
She heard it. She was awake, possibly even the whole time.
And I just spilled my deepest, darkest secrets.
What have I done?
“It…” I struggle to find the words. The emotions that so eloquently poured out of me only seconds ago stutter and stop, suddenly unsure. I didn’t mean to say all of that stuff in the first place, but once I got going I couldn’t stop…
“It was a long time ago.”
“Still,” Isabella says. She reaches out and takes one of my hands, linking my fingers with her own. I marvel at the size difference, her hand small and doll-like in my own. The soft touch moves me more than all the sex we had. For a moment, we’re no longer alpha and omega, or even man and woman.
Just two people, sharing a similar pain and taking comfort in one another’s presence. That’s the word for it, I realize at last. There’s lust there, sure. There’s possessiveness. But on top of it all, there’s a sense of peace and safety andcomfortI feel with Isabella, and I’ve never felt that with anyone.
Not even — I realize with a shock — with Zannah.
What does that make me, then?Whodoes that make me? I don’t have the answers, but for right now? Just staying like this in her presence is enough.
“I know you lost a mate, too,” I start. “And I know how fresh it is. How painful. I remember how much losing Zannah hurt me. How much it still hurts me, when I least expect it. So I don’t want you to think I’m trying to replace him, or that I’m trying to say he doesn’t matter.” I take our joined hands and bring them to my lips, kissing her small, soft fingers. I don’t know why, it just feels right.
“I honor and respect this alpha Bjornick for everything he did for you. For all of us. He died an honorable death protecting the ones he loved.” I pause, letting the lump in my throat pass. “Just as Zannah did.”
A few moments of silence pass, and Isabella’s the next to speak. “So where does that leave us?”
I look deep into her tender brown eyes, and see something there that looks suspiciously like hope.
“Isabella,” I say, making sure she hears the conviction in my voice. “I will do my best not to feel shame or guilt during your heat, for however long this—“ I gesture around us, “—lasts. We’ve both lost someone, and we both could use the companionship. But I want you to promise me something.”