"Get out."
"Wait, we can—"
"GET OUT!" I yell, and without another word, he turns and leaves. I think for a moment he's going to resist, to come up with some reason to stay or call me out for disrespecting him and raising my voice. But he doesn't.
The door clicks, and so clicks closed any hope I ever had for a happily ever after. The world spins around me, and I lose myself in the uncontrollable sobs shaking my whole body.
VIOLENCE
ORRI
Blood. I guess that's all I'll ever be good for. All I can ever contribute to this world.
Just terrible, wanton violence.
I rip into yet another creature, watching as its innards spray the ground.
Blood and battle are all I have. All I've ever had, even when I hit rock bottom. And if this isn't it, it feels pretty damn close.
It's been a week since I left Isabella in tears. It tore me apart to do so, but I knew I could never be the mate she needed and deserved. It lodged straight into my heart when she said she'd fallen for me. Haunted me in the middle of the night, so much that I wake up panting, pawing at the sheets for someone who's not there.
But this is how it has to be. Those are the rules.
After all, I'm nothing but a warrior. Guess I was never meant to have a happy ending.
* * *
"Orri, we need to talk."It's Ulfar, Zannah's brother. He remained on the team when she passed, and he's turned into a great hunter. Sometimes his mannerisms remind me of her.
"About what." I scowl into my drink, knocking back the rest of the dregs and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "We did our job, didn't we? What more is there?"
"That's not what I'm talking about." Ulfar's voice is stern, serious. "I'm talking about your behavior in the field today."
But that doesn't make sense. I haven't done anything wrong. I've fulfilled every task and every duty he set out for me. More than that, even.
"What about it?" I'm still looking for an exit, trying to remain as disinterested as possible. I don't want to talk about it, especially with Zannah's brother. I’ve been avoiding talking beyond what was necessary to him ever since she died. How could I possibly tell him what was going through my head? How would he ever understand?
Ulfar pulls up a chair next to me. I guess I'm not getting out of this one. "Listen, man. Since when do you have a death wish? I haven't seen you like this since..." He trails off.
"I don't want to talk about it," I grumble. Why can't he get the hint?
Ulfar's gaze flicks to the blade sitting by my side. Specifically, to the blue ribbon tied around the hilt.
Dammit. Should have packed up first.
"All right. All right." Ulfar isn't giving up so easily. "It's a female problem, isn't it? I know that look when I see one."
"Fuck off."
"Then why is her smell still all over you?" He nods at the blade. "And on that ribbon? What's going on, Orri?"
I let out a long, slow breath. Close my eyes. Of course he'd notice the damn ribbon. I didn't even notice it for a couple days after returning to my quarters. Somehow one of Isabella's hair ribbons — or maybe the sash to a dress? Had gotten mixed in with my clothing, and I didn't have the heart to return it to her. She made it clear she never wanted to see me again.
So what was the harm in keeping it? Of having a little something to remember her by?
Besides, her scent calms me. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night, panicking and thinking that something's happened to her, if I can just reach her scent, my body relaxes enough to go back to sleep. It's embarrassing as hell, and no way am I gonna tell Ulfar about allthat, so I opt for a different approach:
"I was doing a favor for the ISA. I helped an omega through her heat after her mate died in that raid. That's really all there is to tell."