Page 42 of Soren

There's more I want to say. So much more. But the words don't come. They stay lodged in my heart, covered up with so much grief that I can barely breathe. I sit down in the chair next to the bed again and stare out into the blackness, willing the stars to take my worries away.

"Are you feeling okay?" I ask after a time.

Janie nods. "I'm fine." She lets out a small laugh, then points to the cast on her leg. "Well, except for that. Puts a bit of a damper on things."

I smile in response. Even in the worst times, Janie always finds a way to make light of things. "Yeah, a bit."

"The doctors say you'll be good as new, though." I point out. "Lucky you were able to get to a hospital in time."

"Yeah," Janie says again, her eyes far away. "Lucky."

My stomach churns with an unasked question. Is it the same one she can't voice? I lick my lips, take a deep breath, and ask it.

"I...don't know what's going to happen with the contract." I fold my hands in my lap and look down, focusing on the ring. "I know you've been able to put money into savings, but..." I gesture at the hospital room. "All this isn't cheap, and..."

"Lara." She takes my hand. It's so soft and warm on my own, a contrast to the huge, coarse palms of the Aesir. "We've gotten through worse. We'll get through this too."

A single tear wells up at the corner of my eye. I sniff. "I know."

Because -- as usual -- we have no other choice.

A few more moments of silence pass between us, and I turn my attention to Iris' small, sleeping form. Her chest rises and falls slowly, her mouth slightly open. My heart aches in a whole different way when I see her now. Before, it was because she was my sister's child and had taken up residence in my heart as well. But now, there's another reason, too.

The alien baby growing inside me. I gently place a hand over my stomach and let my thoughts drift. If the contact was null and void by me leaving, what did that mean for the baby? What did that mean for us? I had too many questions, and not enough answers.

All I know is that meeting Soren -- and getting the help we needed from the ISA -- changed both of our lives. For good or for ill, things would never be the same.

"When you decided to leave," Janie pipes up. "What did he say?"

Her eyes are wistful, far away. Her hands bunch into the sheets.

"Who, Soren?" Even saying his name sends a chill down my spine. "What do you mean?"

"When you told him you had to leave," Janie continues. "What happened? How did he react?"

My face softens when I put two and two together. Iris' father had up and abandoned Janie the moment he found out she was pregnant. We never heard from him again. And now, seeing Janie's tear-streaked face, I know what she's really asking.

"He..." I start, trying to find the words as I go. But as the tearful scene plays out in my mind, it's more raw and vivid than any dream. I can see his stricken face. Hear his pleas. His passion. His fierce resolve to destroy anyone who would hurt me or my loved ones.

He wouldn't have done that if he planned to leave me. He wouldn't care if he only wanted me to bear his child.

I glance down at the ring on my finger again. "He...asked me to marry him."

Janie's mouth hands open. She sits bolt upright in bed and momentarily forgets to keep her voice down. "He what?! Are you serious?"

It feels like I'm in a dream as I spin the ring around on my thin fingers. "Yeah. And oh, Janie, it was wonderful. He built up this whole scene, just like in the movies. He put so much thought and care into it, he remembered everything I liked, everything I'd ever told him, and then he got down on one knee and..." My voice cracks, the flood of emotions taking over at last. "He gave me this ring."

"Oh, Lara." Janie takes my hand, holding it up to admire the teardrop-shaped gem. "This is beautiful. I've never seen anything like it..." She snaps her head up and looks me straight in the eye. "You said yes, right? I mean, of course you did if you have the ring, but..." Janie drops my hand and shakes her head with a shrug. "You left him behind for this?" She gestures around the sparse hospital room. "You're my sister and I love you, but I think we both know how rare it is to find someone that truly loves you."

Her eyes flick over to Iris' crib, and I don't miss the years of grief and guilt behind them. "You're going back, right?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. After wiping my face with my sleeve, I compose myself and tell her, "I...I don't know. I honestly haven't thought about it."

That's a lie. At least partially. But I've been so preoccupied with looking after Janie and Iris that everything else had to take a backseat.

Wasn't that the story of my life? Forever putting my dreams on hold for the sake of others. With good reason, of course -- we lost our parents, Janie became a single mother, and then the blight struck and took us down with it. There hadn't been much time for dreams. Not back then.

But now...

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