Page 33 of Rathgar

Ah. That. It had become something of our little tradition in the short time I’d spent with Iris and Janie. Now that Iris had her own bedroom and bed, she was quite adamant about ‘protecting’ it.

Just like her mother.

One night she came into our room crying, talking about a monster under the bed and saying she couldn’t sleep. I did what any alpha — no, any dad — would do.

I took out my weapon and let her watch me scout through the room, making a show of looking in all the nooks and crannies. I told her I scared the monster off, and he wouldn’t try anything while I was around. It was a small thing, but the look of sheer admiration in her eyes is one I’ll never forget.

She acted like I was her hero in that moment, and I guess I was. So every night, before she went to bed, I’d go into the room and ‘fight off’ anything that might be lurking before I tucked her in. She loved it, and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would as well.

But now I was leaving, and both she — and Janie — would have to face the monsters on their own. Both literally and figuratively.

I reach into my belt and pull out a small, thin tool I use mostly for cracking the hafta nuts Janie likes so much. To the outside observer, it almost looks like a tiny knife — only, the sharp edges are all on the inside.

“Rah-rah’s gotta go for a few days.” I crouch down to eye level and meet her worried gaze. “But I’m leaving this with you, okay? Can you take care of it for me?”

“A present?” Iris tilts her head.

“Something like that.” I smile. “Hold out your hand.”

Iris extends her palm and I give her the small tool. She looks upon it with awe, gripping it tightly in her small fingers.

“Can you be a big girl for me while I’m gone?” The words dredge up that sad, forgotten emotion in my chest all over again. Her eyes, shiny and scared, never leave mine.

“I’ll try.” Holding up the nutcracker, she says, “Will this keep the monsters away?”

I nod. “Keep it right next to your bed, okay? It will make sure no one bothers you while I’m gone. And if you get scared in the middle of the night, you grab it and it will keep you safe.” I take the hand that’s not holding the nutcracker and clasp it in my own, giving it a small squeeze. “I’ll be back soon. I promise.”

Iris sniffs back a tear and holds the nutcracker to her chest. “Okay. Miss you.”

Oof. Another shot to the heart. I always thought it was impossible to miss someone before they’re even gone. I was wrong.

Turning back to Janie, she has the most curious expression on her face. The fear’s still there, but there’s a soft, caring undercurrent that permeates everything.

“Thank you,” she whispers. “Iris will remember that.” She folds her hands over her belly. “I’ll remember that.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

“Just…” Her voice wavers, as if she’s unsure what she wants to say next. “Come home safe.”

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. I want to remember this feeling. I won’t let this be a repeat of last time. This time, I am not leaving as a method of getting away.

I’m leaving because I have something worth fighting for.

After a long moment, I pull away, pressing a kiss to her belly and then giving Iris a long, comforting hug. She clings to me even longer than Janie. When I break away at last, she’s still clutching the tool — the ‘weapon’ — I gave her to her chest like a precious treasure.

I know if I stay here much longer, I’ll crack. So with one last look and a hand raised in farewell, I grab my duffel and head to the meeting point.

I’ll come back to you, Janie. I’ll prove it to you, and Iris, and everyone. I’m tired of running. I will do everything I can to be the man, the alpha, and the father you need.

RAIDED HOME

JANIE

I know this time is different, but it still doesn’t make the house feel any less empty. It still doesn’t make me feel any less alone.

This time I opt to stay in Rathgar’s house with Iris. We settled into the place nicely, and he really did put a lot of thought into making sure we were comfortable.

Rathgar’s house. The thought passes and I amend it with a smile.

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