Page 18 of Rathgar

I’m alone.

I roll over in bed, still smelling Rathgar’s scent all over the pillows. Rationally, I know he’s fine. I know he’ll be back soon.

But as I drift into a troubled, fitful sleep, I can’t help but worry that history’s repeating itself all over again.

BREAKING TRADITION

JANIE

I don’t know why I thought things would be different when I woke up.

The moment I wake, I roll over and throw my arm over the side of the bed like I have every other morning. But there’s something missing.

Or rather, someone.

I try not to think about it as I get out of bed and wash up in the bathroom. I focus on cooking breakfast in the kitchen, even though I’m subconsciously picking out Rathgar’s favorite foods.

And I definitely don’t think of him when I get dressed for the day and see one of his jackets there, hanging on the peg where he left it.

Sinking down onto the couch, I throw my head back and groan. I should be pleased. I should be relieved. I should be a lot of things, but all I feel right now is loneliness. Like something’s missing, an empty space I never even noticed before.

Still grumbling to myself, I check the timeline on the paperwork from the ISA. Now that my heat’s over, they’ll be sending nurses over to do checkups and pregnancy tests. Even at the thought of a test, my stomach cramps. I lay a hand over it gently and think about the possibilities.

Given how much Rathgar and I went at it over the last two weeks, it would be a shock if I wasn’t pregnant. But then again, I hadn’t had any symptoms or morning sickness, so…

I while away the morning picking through the selection of books tucked away in the living room. I still can’t read the language very well, but there’s one that looks like an atlas with plenty of pictures. No matter how long I stay on this foreign planet, it never fails to fill me with surprise and awe.

It’s so beautiful and colorful, like something out of a storybook dream rather than a real, living breathing planet. But as I flip the pages, I see other regions of the world as well. Places far off that are less tropical and more rugged. It makes sense — a planet as large as Aesir’s bound to have their own seasons and environments just the same as Earth, if not even more pronounced.

I wonder if I’ll ever get to see one of the other regions. The mountainous one looks so pretty, all tall peaks and snow-capped ridges. I’ve never seen snow on a mountain before in real life.

I wonder if Iris would like to go sledding…

And there’s that thought again. Iris. Family. Home.

I miss seeing my daughter. I miss being able to spend time with Lara and Ray. And even Soren.

If Rathgar’s going to be gone for much longer, should I stay here and keep waiting? Or would I be better off with the comforts of home?

I pace around the living room for nearly half an hour weighing the options back and forth, but finally, I can’t take it anymore. Orvox, the liaison for the ISA, told us to call if there was anything we needed or anything they could do to help. I figured it was just for emergencies, but staying here by myself was already starting to make me go stir crazy.

So with a deep breath, I pick up the phone and call Orvox over at the ISA.

It takes some convincing, but since my situation is unique, Orvox finally relents and grants me permission to return home. I tried to ask her if she knew where Rathgar had gone. She didn’t answer. Either she really doesn’t know, or she’s not telling me. She doesn’t hesitate to remind me that I’ll still be subject to the terms of the contract and that I’ll still need to be present for all the necessary appointments and tests, though.

I assure her that’s not a problem. I don’t plan on running off. I just want to go home. I gather up all my things, take one last look at the few belongings Rathgar left behind, and wait for the transport to arrive.

Looks like it’s just me and my sis all over again.

It’s funny how quickly I’ve come to call my house here in Soren’s village home. Neither of us have been here very long, but the aliens have been nothing but hospitable and welcoming.

Of course, there’s the fact that my sister is their leader’s heart-mate. That helps. And I, as part of the family, get much the same treatment. It’s nice — a far cry from our desperate living conditions on Earth. I don’t know if I could go back to the way things were before.

I like not having to worry about where our next meal is going to come from. I like having space for Iris to play and learn and grow up. And I’m so proud to see that Lara’s found a man who cherishes her more than life itself.

Everything seems so picture-perfect with them, and I’m happy for her, of course I am, but I can’t help but want that for myself. Just a little.

My thoughts drift as I ride the shuttle back to the village. The cottages were nice, cozy places to stay, but they could never beat being home with my family and friends. It’s almost dusk when we arrive back at Soren and Lara’s house.

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