Page 6 of Rathgar

“I never expected…well, I didn’t know what to expect when Lara signed up for the program. She did it for me, you know. For Iris, really, and also my sake.”

Rathgar’s silent a moment, and I worry for a panicked second that he’s going to ignore me just like he did back at Lara’s place. Then he speaks. “So why are you here?”

That’s a loaded question if I’ve ever heard one. I chew my lip, trying to think of how to say it. “Well, I love kids. I agreed to the program because I want to be able to stay here on this planet with Lara and Ray. I don’t want to go back to Earth. There’s nothing for me there if Lara wants to build her family here, and I’m grateful that we’ll have food.” I shake my head, grief already clenching at my gut. “But I’m not going to let my heart go so easily.”

A few moments of silence pass between us, but then Rathgar surprises me with the change of topic. “Where is the girl’s father? Did he fall in battle?”

Hmph. Of course he would think that. The reality is much more embarrassing. Already I’m kicking myself, not wanting to admit to my shame — my failure. But I was the one that started this, after all. To stop now would only give him more reasons to look down on me. I take a deep breath and shake my head. “No, nothing like that.”

“Then what?”

The words feel like sandpaper in my mouth, but I force them out. “He, um…he left us. Didn’t want to raise a child. He left as soon as I found out I was pregnant.”

He pulls the aki to a dead stop, his reaction immediate. I feel every muscle tense in his body behind me. Can practically see the anger radiating off of his skin. Oh no. I’ve done it this time. I should have kept my big mouth shut…

“Shameful.” The word comes out forced, through gritted teeth.

Yeah, I know. I want to curl into myself, to hop down off this huge beast and run back to my sister. Rathgar is telling me what everyone around us said when they realized that I was going to be a single mom. I want to forget this ever happened.

“He is no man.”

Wait, huh?

The air simmers with tension. I dare not turn to face him. The sight of his displeased face would be too much to bear.

“To leave a child…to abdicate such responsibility like that…” His voice is low, lower than I’ve ever heard it. Laced with malice. “Such deeds would be punished by death among my kin.”

With a jolt, we start moving again, and I see the buildings of the center come into view. “No Aesir man will ever abandon a woman or child in need. I promise you that.”

I’ve heard that promise before. Why does Rathgar’s promise give me hope when I shouldn’t have any? Shouldn’t I be smarter than that?

DIVINE JOKE

RATHGAR

Janie and I go our separate ways once we reach the center. I performed my duty and delivered her safely. That’s all it was.

I won’t think about the way she felt so soft beneath my touch or the way she swayed on Kestyra, my aki, as we rode toward the center. That way lies madness.

While the medical staff poke and prod at my body, my blood still boils at the thought of Janie’s plight. Children were irreplaceable miracles here on Aesirheim. They were so few and far between, so hard to conceive and carry to term, that the thought of someone abandoning Janie and her baby like that…

It makes me want to hurt something. Preferably the lowlife that made her feel this way.

She’s maddening and far too talkative, but she deserves better. Even I know that. And there’s one thing we can both agree on: we’re both doing this out of duty. Out of obligation. We have no desire to put our hearts on the line.

As for me? I’m only following orders. Soren practically threatened me with exile if I didn’t. Good for him that he found his heart-mate and all, but I’m not sure I believe in that stuff. And even if I did, I don’t think a long-term relationship like that is right for me anyway. What kind of woman would love a hardened warrior like me?

I don’t have Soren’s charm, nor do I have his position or influence. I may be second in command, but at the end of the day, I’m just a soldier. I’ve spent my whole life on the battlefield. I don’t know anything else. Especially not when it comes to relationships.

I barely understand my fellow clan members. How am I going to be able to relate to someone from a totally different planet?

The waiting room is too small. Too claustrophobic. I get up and stretch my legs, deciding to walk around and explore while I wait for the test results to come back. It’s all a very complicated process that I only half-listened to, but apparently they took my DNA and used it to cross-check with all the other humans in their database.

Once they find a genetic match who will be able to bear my offspring, they’ll call us in and we’ll be off to the cottages. One quick screw, I’ll get her knocked up, and I’ll provide everything the baby and mother needs to survive and thrive. I’ll get my reward, and our population will swell once more. It’s a win-win.

Right?

I groan, running a hand through my hair and over my braid. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for the Alpha experiment. Things were different back then. Our people were plentiful and prosperous, spreading across the globe and across the galaxy. It seemed nothing could get in our way…

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