Page 47 of March

“But I was thinking about Megs, even though she tosses and turns like she’s having a night terror or something. It hit me more on the drive home: I was smiling more. She’d say something, and I’d laugh. Ever since, I’ve been wondering if I only want her.”

“Meaning, it’s not a woman thing but a Megan thing?”

“Does that happen? I’ve never wanted to have sex with another woman, Bryce. Not once have I even considered it. But Ihaven’t been with any guy since we got back. I’ve been thinking about Megan like that, picturing it.”

“Picturing the two of you…”

“Yes. I left your place today thinking that I needed to keep this to myself because I can’t risk hurting her or ruining our friendship, but then, I saw this picture, and it felt wrong that someone else was kissing Megan’s cheek.”

“She’s dating her. She’s finally trying to move on from her feelings for you, Kels.”

“I know. But if I feel them, too, she doesn’t have to move on. We can move on together.”

“Kelsey, what you’re saying is a big deal. You have to be sure about this. If you tell her, and she gives you a chance, but it turns out that you don’t want to be with her like that, it’ll devastate her. I’m not even sure your friendship would recover.”

“I know,” Kelsey said softly.

“Doyou, though? When you think about being with Megan like that, how does it feel?”

“Terrifying,” Kelsey replied quickly. “But also exciting. I’d be nervous as hell.” She laughed a little. “Like, I’d want to make her feel so good, Bry. But I’d have no idea what I’m doing.”

“It’s not that hard,” Bryce said, only half-kidding. “It’s been a long time since I’ve slept with a man, and I try not to think about that, but with a woman, it’s so different. For me, at least. Granted, the few guys I was with were young, and we weren’t exactly in serious relationships where we were in love or anything, so it’s probably different with guys if that’s the case, but when you’re with a woman, and there are real emotions, it’s not about one person doing something to the other to makethemselvesfeel good, and hopefully, the woman feels good as a result. I realize not all guys are like that, but the ones I was with were.”

“You got a few thrusts, and that was it, huh?” Kelsey said knowingly.

“Yes, every time.” Bryce chuckled. “No guy ever came close to making me…”

“Got it,” Kelsey said. “Been there.”

“With Megan, you’d have all sorts of emotions, Kels. You’d have the love you two share as friends, that bond that you’ve had for years. You’d have trust between you two that you hadn’t had with any of your exes – or, at least, that’s what you’ve told me. You’d both be present in that moment. You’d want to take care ofeach other. Megan would be very patient. She’d never pressure. She would want to make you feel safe and loved, and yes, she would want you to feel good, too, but it’s not all about that.”

“It would be about us,” Kelsey said. “And finally expressing those feelings.”

“Yes,” Bryce replied. “So, if you think you reallyhavethose feelings, you need to keep in mind that Megan has been in love with you for years. I don’t say that to make you feel bad or scare you. It’s just where you are right now. You’ve been figuring it out for a year, but she’s been trying tomove onfor a year.”

“And she finally has.”

“I’m not sure she has yet,” Bryce said. “It’s more that she found someone who she thinks might be worth pursuing for the first time in a long time.”

“Bryce, whenever I think about losing her to this new woman, it’s not that I think I’m losing her as myfriend, and I’m jealous of that. It’s that I feel like I’m losing an arm or something. It’s the fact that she’ll kiss her. She’ll get to kiss my Megs.Iwant to kiss her.”

“Now, you get it.” Bryce smiled, even though Kelsey couldn’t see her.

“Get what?”

“When I saymySophie. You get it, don’t you?”

Kelsey chuckled and replied, “I’ve known Megan for years. We’re best friends. You knew Sophie for a few hours, so it’s different.”

“But it’s not when it comes to how it feels. I felt like I had my arm pulled away from me, too. I was sitting in that police station, thinking about how she was probably worried, wondering if I was okay, and maybe just standing at the bar alone, waiting for me to come back. I felt like I lost my heart that night, Kels, and it’s only been recently returned to me.”

“I feel the opposite now,” Kelsey shared. “Like I just lost it.”

“You haven’t lost anything yet, but you still need to be cautious here. Make sure you really want this before you say anything to her.”

“I don’t have much time. They’re just dating right now, but if they get together and they’re a couple, I can’t say anything. I wouldn’t get in the way of that for her.”

“Just don’t rush it because you think that’s going to happen soon. It’s taken Megs this long to go on a date with someone she’s interested in. I don’t think she’s just going to jump into a serious relationship. Maybe talk to her about how she’s feeling with this new person in her life before you go telling her how you feel. Check in with her first.”

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