Page 71 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, throat tight and full. “I didn’t know ...” What? That she’d fall for him after one night? That she’d make it through and see him again? That they’d be so irrevocably connected for the rest of their lives? “... I’m sorry.”

She could hardly grasp one emotion before another took its place. Comfort, relief, regret, shame. Grateful that she could be here again, with his heartbeat mere inches from hers, his face buried in her neck and his hands memorizing her body.

It was short-lived.

“If I’d known you’d come back, I wouldn’t have—”

“No.” She sucked in a breath and yanked back, shaking her head. “No. Don’t.”

What was she doing?

He released her right away, but his arms were slow to fall back to his side. A muscle flexed in his cheek as he clamped his full lips together, silencing the rest of the sentence. His nostrils flared as he stared at her, the green flecks in his eyes somehow brighter.

She pressed both fists to her forehead and took several breaths, willing her heart to calm and her brain to clear. Her gaze dropped several inches to his collarbone because yes, she was a coward.

“Don’t say you wouldn’t have gotten back together with ... her.” Her throat was a parched desert as she tried to piece together her reaction and explain it to him.

“Okay.” Jamie’s eyes seemed to drink in her features, his gaze slowly sliding across her face. He held very still. “Is what Tiffany said that night true? You talked about me ... dreamed about me? When you were in the hospital?”

She tucked her lips between her teeth and nodded. She wasn’t afraid to say it—not like she’d been before—but she was trying not to cry.

“When you came back, did you want to see me again?”

She nodded again and took a steadying breath. “But when I did—”

“I was with Carly.”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “I can’t pretend that didn’t change anything. I owe her everything.”

It changed everything that day, without question. But so much had happened since then, and she wasn’t sure where to go from here.

“I meant what I said. I didn’t break up with her with expectations from you.” He ran a hand through his hair, muscles in his forearm rippling. “It needed to end no matter what, and just days from now she’s leaving for a job she’s always wanted. Believe me when I say it’s better this way for both of us.”

If Elliott hadn’t seen and heard it from Carly herself, she might not have believed it. But she had, and she did.

“I’ll respect your choice about us. Always.” The way he said the wordusnearly buckled her knees with wanting.Us... If only. “If you can’t get past the fact Carly and I were together once, I’ll figure out how to live with that. But that might mean I have to stay away from you, because I’m starting to think I can’t just be your friend. Not now, not yet. I’ve tried and I’m failing miserably.” His gaze locked on hers, eyes blazing. “I still want you, Elliott. I want to be with you, spend time with you, and learn everything about you. I want to touch and hold you, and I want to kiss you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I’ve tried to stop. I’ve tried so fucking hard to stop, and it’s like deciding to live without air. I don’t ... I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know if I can.”

Elliott would never know how she held herself back in that moment. It took literally every cell of strength to resist what her heart was screaming at her to do: take that step forward and seal her lips across his.

She’d never wanted anything more than the man standing before her, and she’d had reason to make some pretty serious wishes in her lifetime.

But if there was one thing Elliott had learned in her screwed-up life, it was this: some decisions couldn’t be made lightly. She’d made informed consent an art form, signing lines to state she had, in fact, read every single page she’d been given about the risks and benefits of procedures, chemotherapy, transplantation, and more. She hadn’t just flipped to the last page and signed, either—she’d actually read every. Single. Word. She was a person who had to know what she was getting into and whether the benefit was worth the risks.

She never signed unless she was sure, because then if something went wrong, she knew she’d considered all angles and was going in with her eyes wide open. She’d hope for the good while being prepared for the bad.

“I ...”I want you, too.“... I think I just need some time.”

She’d been in Omaha almost three months now, and Jamie had been single for two. Carly was moving to Oklahoma this week. How much time would she need before she let herself say yes? Would it ever be enough to give herself grace?

For both their sakes, she hoped she could get there. Soon, maybe. She just wasn’t there today.

“I get that. I probably need some time, too.” He reached up and rubbed both hands down his face. “I don’t know why everything had to happen the way it did, but you have to know I’m just happy I found you again. Because I’ve never,neverfelt like I did the night I met you. Not before and not after.”

“I know.” Her voice was so quiet she barely heard it, herself. “It’s the same for me. Even if I didn’t want it to be.”

Something softened in his eyes, and he swayed toward her, sending his rugged, masculine scent into her space. “If you decide it’s too much, I’ll figure out how to live with that. But hear me when I say: if you decide to give this a try, I’ll be here. Waiting for you.”

Was she out of her damn mind not to jump him right this second? To just go for it, everything and everyone else be damned?

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