Page 50 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. “I’ve never felt a connection like that.”

“She’s been back, what, a month now? Do you feel it still?”

“Yes.” It was the first time he’d admitted it out loud. “I tried to ignore it at first, but ... that’s why I ended things with Carly. I don’t expect anything to happen with Elliott, but it wasn’t fair to stay with Carly when there was another woman I kept thinking about all the damn time.” He fell backward on the couch and popped the top off his beer. Hank leaped up and stretched out beside him.

“Does Elliott feel the same way about you?”

“I don’t know.” Sometimes, with the way she looked at him, he thought she might. Hoping for it was pointless, though, and would only make things worse. “But even if she did, Carly saved her life. She’d never do anything to hurt her.” He took a long pull from the bottle,then pressed the heel of his hand to one eye to stem the sudden burning beneath his lids. “I don’t want to, either.”

“You really think Carly would care? The first time you two broke up, I saw her out with a new guy six days later.”

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t break up with her to pursue Elliott. And Elliott doesn’t want me to. Can you just be supportive and let me wallow in what a fucked-up situation this is?”

“Oh, this is definitely fucked up. The woman you basically fell for in a single night and who ghosted you for a year finally returns—but by that point you had a girlfriend, one who saved her life, because of course, so you can’t be with her. And because you still had feelings for her and are a decent guy, you ended things with said girlfriend. So now you don’t have either one.”

He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Appreciate the recap.”

“I assume Carly doesn’t know who Elliott is to you.”

“She doesn’t,” he confirmed. “That was Mistake Number One, but it’s too late now.”

“Is it? What if you told her? Maybe she’d understand.”

He’d considered that, too, but it didn’t seem worth it. “Carly’s a good person, but she can hold a grudge. I should have come clean right away, but it’s gone too far. If I did it now it would hurt more than just Carly and me. Elliott would get caught in the middle, and she doesn’t deserve that, either.”

“So you’re just going to be miserable, Elliott will be miserable, and Carly will move on and find someone else who probably fits her better because you two never made sense in the first place? All because you don’t want to take a risk?”

He frowned. “I don’t think Elliott will be miserable.”

“Based on what you told me about that night, it’s hard to believe she didn’t feel the same about you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just as torn up about this, wishing there was some way things were different.” She paused for a second, her tone turning thoughtful. “I could do some recon, you know. I hired her, and I could talk to her—”

Jamie shot forward. “Don’t youdare. I mean it. Promise me you won’t say anything to her.”

“I’m supposed to keep pretending I don’t know who she is? That I don’t know?”

“Yes.”

She let out an annoyed sigh. “Fine. I promise.”

He sank into the cushions and leaned his head back. A promise from his sister was as good as gold. “Thank you.”

Jamie stared at the ceiling as a few beats of silence passed. He’d thought breaking up with Carly would give him a measure of relief from the guilt that had plagued him recently. Instead, his body and his heart just felt ... heavy.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” Blythe finally said. “I’m here for whatever you need.”

His chest squeezed. “Thank you,” he said again. He was lucky to have her.

“But can I say one more thing?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“I know you’re trying to do the right thing here. You’ve always shied away from things that cause other people discomfort. And if you ultimately decide staying away from Elliott and not talking to Carly is that right thing, I’ll support you. But I just want to make sure you know that no matter how you spin it, no one walks away from this unscathed. There’s something to be said for considering other people’s emotions, but sometimes our decisions are going to hurt people. Sometimes the truth hurts, but is that a reason to hold it back? Even if Carly got upset, I’d bet a hundred lemon tarts it would be short term and she’d move on. At some point, you need to consider the long term, and consider your own happiness, too, and what this could mean for your future. It’s impossible to keep everyone happy all the time, as much as I know that bothers you.”

He drained the rest of his beer and put the bottle on the coffee table. Hank shifted and draped his head across Jamie’s thigh.

“I don’t want to be like Dad,” he finally whispered. “Always chasing a new feeling. Never settling or being content with what I’ve got.” What he felt around Elliott was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, it was true. It wasn’t something he’d constantly been chasing. On the contrary, she’d come out of nowhere like a heat wave in December.

He hadn’t been looking for her and never saw her coming.

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