Page 44 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

Part of him didn’t want to, but if he looked deep down, he’d know it was only because he didn’t want to hurt her. Not because he wanted to stay with her. It wasn’t enough, and she certainly deserved more than a man struggling with feelings for another woman.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Her bold question startled him.

Fuck, just say it.“Yeah. I think so.”

“Youthinkso?”

He hated this. He hadn’t been in that many serious relationships and hadn’t gone through too many breakups, but something told himno matter the number, this would never be easy. Even the first breakup with Carly, which had been mutual and perfectly cordial, had still left him feeling glum for several days afterward.

He gripped the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m fucking this up.” His gaze shifted through the window beside her briefly. “I ... Something just doesn’t feel right to me.”

To her credit, she didn’t seem pissed. Or ... sad, even. But maybe those would come ... It had been less than a minute, after all. “What do you mean?”

Even before tonight when Tiffany flipped his world upside down, he’d thought a lot about what his sister had said the other night. About being honest with himself.

He’d also thought about how she’d described her relationship with Jake—which, while only a few years old, was solid as a rock and very different from anything he and Carly had. Comparisons weren’t helpful, but when he asked himself basic questions and answered them with the bare truth, the answers didn’t leave him content.

Do you challenge each other to be better people?He had no idea but was inclined to say no. He and Carly didn’t drag each other into negative habits or anything, but sort of just ... existed in the same space.

Do you share the same interests and values in life?Interests? Some ... but they were very different people. He enjoyed time to himself, so he hadn’t really considered it a negative before, but from this viewpoint he realized if he was doing something he loved, he felt neutral about whether she was with him or not. Values in life? He didn’t know. They didn’t really talk about that kind of thing.

Why are you together?

He gripped the back of his neck. “You know how when we decided to get back together, we both agreed to try because it felt so easy? I think you even used the word ‘comfortable.’”

Her eyes met his and a hint of defensiveness entered her tone. “It was supposed to be a good thing.”

“I know, and it can be. I’ve always enjoyed being around you. We get along, we’re attracted to each other, we both know what to expect. I guess I’m wondering if there’s more to it, you know? What if there’s a better reason to be with someone than it just making sense?”

She looked at him, expression unreadable. “Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know,” he hedged. It was partly true—he was confused as hell about what he was doing. “We’re getting older, I guess. I’ve been thinking about what I want out of life and what my future looks like, and I just want to be honest with myself, and with you, about what we’re doing. It feels like we might just be together to avoid being alone, and that’s not fair to either of us.” He searched her face, trying to read her. When she didn’t speak for a moment, he asked, “Am I way off base?”

She blew out a slow breath. “No, I guess not. But relationships don’t always have to be about infatuation or overwhelming passion. That stuff fades. Sometimes they’re about security and companionship. I thought that’s what we both wanted.”

“I thought it was, too, but I think I was wrong. I want both. Partnership—and friendship—are important. We have that, and your friendship means a lot to me. Though when I think about it, I’m not sure we ever really had passion. Even at the beginning.”

She didn’t respond and slowly dropped her eyes to her lap. She wasn’t the type to shy away from discussions or arguments when she felt strongly about something, so her calm demeanor in this moment spoke volumes.

Lukewarm wasn’t how this should feel.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I just think that maybe this isn’t what a relationship is supposed to be. I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” She turned straight ahead. “But I have to ask, because I didn’t see this coming at all ... Is there someone else you’re interested in?”

His heart lurched in his chest.

Yes, having Elliott front and center these last few weeks had thrown him off-balance, and after tonight especially, he finally admitted to himself he wasn’t over her. But he had no intention of acting on those thoughts. He wouldn’t pursue anything with Elliott. Not for a while, anyway, and even then, who knew if she’d even want to?

“No.”

Her chin dropped a fraction, shoulders relaxing.

“Are ... Will we be okay?” he asked. “After this?”

She grabbed her purse but made no move to get out of the car. “We were last time.”

“Yeah. This time it just feels ... different, I guess.” Final.

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