Page 117 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

The intricate inner workings of her body.

She could try to manhandle them all she wanted, but it would only lead to frustration. And sometimes failure. The only things she could control were her actions and response to things. She and Keri, her friend from the support group, had talked about that a lot. About letting go of certain things (worry) and focusing on what they could change (life goals—even short-term ones). Especially things they could change for the better.

Elliott wanted to leave this world better than she found it. She wanted to share positivity and creativity and help people’s dreams come true, and she hoped she’d have the chance to keep doing that.

The following Monday she called the oncologist’s office. She couldn’t handle the silence, and asked the nurse to leave a message with Dr. Varghese, asking him to call her so they could discuss other options.

So that afternoon, when her phone rang while she was working alone in her apartment, she didn’t even register the unfamiliar number, assuming it was the doctor calling from somewhere in the hospital.

“Hello?”

“Elliott? It’s Carly.”

Shock froze her muscles for a few seconds, her brain’s jaw on the floor.

“Are you there? Sorry to surprise you like this.”

“I’m here,” Elliott blurted, too loud. “Sorry. I just ... wasn’t expecting it to be you.”

“Yeah, I know.” She paused. “I’m so, so sorry. I got a phone with a new Oklahoma number recently, so I had no idea your doctor had been trying to reach me. I guess I had my mom as my emergency contact, and they finally called her. I was freaked out at first, when she said who was looking for me. I thought something had happened to you.”

“Oh. Well, I guess something did, but not like that. Just my body jerking me around like it does every few years.”

Carly let out a surprised laugh. “That ... honestly really sucks.”

“It totally does. If I could trade for a new one, I would. Though I sort of did once, because of you.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work like it was supposed to.”

“Me too.”

“Anyway, I just wanted you to know I wasn’t, like, trying to avoid this. I’m happy to donate again. It’s already been set up. I know if I were you I’d be a mess if it took two weeks to find me, so I wanted to apologize. I never even thought about it when I changed my number.”

Elliott let out a slow breath, and her muscles loosened after weeks of built-up tension. “Don’t apologize. I wouldn’t have thought about it, either.” It had been a couple of days since she’d cried, and she wanted to keep the streak going. “Thank you, Carly. So, so much for doing this again. There’s literally nothing I’ll ever be able to do to repay you for what you’ve done for me. And I don’t just mean with the stem cells. You were so kind to me, bringing me into your life and sharing your friends with me when I was a stranger in Omaha. You were the most selfless person, and then I—I—”

Shit. She was crying.

“It’s okay,” Carly said. “I know what you’re about to say, and don’t. I’m not going to pretend I was happy about it, but I’ve made peace with it. The fact is, I moved on, too, so who am I to judge? Would I have appreciated honesty? Yeah, but I can understand it was a weird spot for you to be in. Jamie, too, probably, and he and I weren’t meant to be anyway. We both knew it, but neither of us wanted to admit it. I overreacted when Jamie told me, and I’ll call him soon—when I’m ready—and have a better conversation with him about it, too. But just know I’d never let something like that stop me from helping you again. Okay?”

“You’re a really, really good person. I hope you know that. And I am sorry, truly. For how I handled it all.”

“Well, I have you to thank for something, too, you know. If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I’d have taken this chance in Oklahoma City, and it’s turned out to be the best thing I’ve ever done.”

“Really? It’s that good, huh?”

“I love it.”

“That’s great to hear. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Carly said. “I’ve gotta get going, but I just wanted to touch base about everything. I’m thinking good thoughts for you, and I hope this second round of cells does the trick.”

“So do I. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome. Oh, and Elliott?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of Jamie, okay? He’s one of the good ones.”

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