Page 116 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

She wrapped her arms around him, and he hugged her back. “Please tell me this is comforting for you, too,” he said into her hair. “Because that’s the most important.”

“It definitely is.”

“I’ll call Ca—”

Elliott pulled back. “No. You won’t.”

He frowned at her. “Elliott, she has to do this.”

She leaned back again, her gaze steady. “She will. She’s a good, kind person. And even if she wasthatupset about us being together and didn’t want to give me another part of her body, that’s her prerogative. I think she’ll agree, but I want it to be through the regular channel. Idon’t want her to be guilted into it by you or by me. That’s not how this should work.”

He knew she was right. “I know I sound like an asshole. It’s just ... Her part is easy, right? It’s not dangerous. I’d never expect her to put herself at risk for you, even if I’d do it a thousand times over.”

“I know you would.”

He just wished he could do something to fix it, but he was completely helpless in this. “I wish our bodies weren’t so complicated. I wish I could give you mine.”

She smiled softly. “Are you in the registry?”

He nodded. “I signed up in college, the same time Carly did. There was a big table set up by some organization every year at the student union.”

“Well, if you were a match for me, they’d already know.” She patted his knee as if to say that was that. She seemed surprisingly okay with the news she’d just heard, but then again, she’d been doing some version of this for more than a decade. “It’s only been a day. Let’s just give her some time, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He leaned over and kissed her softly. It was a chaste kiss, yet his stomach flipped over as if she’d driven her tongue into his mouth. Maybe it was the way her fingers slid through his hair, pulling him in. “Hey, Elliott?” he said against her mouth.

“Yeah?”

He lifted his head to look at her. “I do take issue with something you just said.”

“What’s that?”

“Our bone marrow might not match, but everything else fits perfectly.” He was being cheesy as hell, but her smile made it worth it. “In every other way, I’m your perfect match. And you’re mine.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

Elliott

When a week passed without word about more cells from Carly, Elliott’s optimism dwindled. Jamie never seemed to have much to begin with. Despite Dr. Varghese saying they had options if the stem cell boost wasn’t possible, Elliott knew anything after the preferred choice wasn’t good. She’d lost her battle to stay positive and started wondering what would happen if her blood cells stopped working. In a way, it was like having leukemia again, but instead of sick blood cells that didn’t work right, she just wouldn’t have any at all.

Not having blood cells didn’t seem compatible with life, so ... Not great news.

She was restless and Jamie seemed uptight, and their conversations were stilted and brief. They often went on runs together or read silently on opposite ends of the couch. During the day, they were like ships passing in the ocean, careful not to disturb the wake and knock the other off-balance.

Then came the nights. When the lights were off and she couldn’t see his eyes, Jamie made love to her with desperation and determination. As he drove her body to the brink, he breathed his devotion into herskin and whispered love into her heart. He held her close to his body as they slept, as if he were afraid she’d slip away.

Another week came and went.

No news.

Anger had been her primary emotion the entire first two months of her initial diagnosis, and then again for months after the cancer came back.

But by this point she was resigned. Things would work out or they wouldn’t. The idea of not being able to grow old with Jamie made her want to curl up in a ball and weep, but letting it show would only make things worse for him.

If she’d learned anything over the last few months, it was that she needed to try to let go of things she couldn’t control.

Her feelings.

Other people’s feelings.

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