Page 106 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

So why, then, did she feel like she was back in eighth grade, watching the guy she liked walk right by without even sparing her a glance?

“Sure, that’s fine.” She grabbed her phone and keys and whirled around to rub Hank’s ears to hide the tears welling beneath her lids. “I’ll just see you ... later, then.”

His chair scraped the floor as she went straight for the door, and suddenly his warm, gentle hand was on her arm, pulling her back and against his chest.

“Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. He kissed her just above her ear. “I’m sorry.”

He released her and she didn’t look back, opening the door and letting it fall shut behind her. Maybe that final hug and kiss should havemade her feel better. Given her some sort of confirmation everything was okay. That they’d be okay. But it didn’t.

It only made it worse.

The rest of Sunday sucked. Monday morning, too.

Elliott was completely worthless and unable to focus on anything. Maybe if she’d had a client into dark colors and serious themes, like a Halloween event or a therapist’s website, she’d have been in the right headspace. But no, her current clients boasted bursting, bright businesses that required positive creativity and vision, and she didn’t have it in her right now. Not when she had this sense that something terrible was looming.

She hadn’t heard a single thing from Jamie since she’d left his place yesterday. After weeks of being with each other so much she’d wondered if they should just move in together and get it over with, the solitude was unnerving.

Lonely.

Quiet.

She couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong—really wrong. She and Jamie had just hit their stride, finally finding a rhythm together, and things had been almost perfect. But something was really bothering him, and he wouldn’t talk to her about it. Not only did she wonder what Carly said to cause this reaction in him, but the fact he’d pulled away instead of opening up to her was the biggest red flag of all.

Were they ... over? Her heart cracked, just thinking about it.

There was also the fact Carly’s reaction meant she was hurt by what Jamie’d told her. Which was completely fair—they’d lied to her, and Elliott might never forgive herself for not pushing harder back then, demanding she and Jamie come clean from the start.

But like Jamie, she couldn’t find it in her to regret being with him in the end. From her point of view, he wasitfor her. He’d said it wasthe same for him, that he and Elliott together was the kind of thing people move mountains for.

Even so, was it possible the collateral damage would prove too much? Would it linger between them forever, a constant reminder of who they’d hurt in the process of finding happiness?

The questions cycled through her mind that morning as she went for her monthly surveillance labs, which she belatedly realized she hadn’t even been worried about because she’d been so caught up in the situation with Jamie and Carly.

Her brain didn’t even conjure the possibility that something could be wrong until she stepped out of her apartment that afternoon before going for a run, hoping to clear her head in the fresh air. Her phone rang before she hit the stairwell, and she frowned at the screen.

It usually took a few days to hear from the oncologist’s office.

“Hello?”

“Elliott? It’s Dr. Varghese.”

She tightened her grip on the phone.

She couldn’t remember the last time he’d called her himself. Ninety-percent of the time she spoke with his nurse or the medical assistant. These calls were usually three seconds long.Everything looks perfect; we’ll see you next month.

“I got the results from the labs we drew this morning. Do you have a second to talk?”

She was in the middle of the hallway, but her legs didn’t seem capable of moving just now, so it was as good a time as any. “What is it? Is the leukemia back?”

“I’m not sure,” he said carefully. “There’s no evidence of that, but your blood counts have been trending down over the last few months. I’ve been watching them closely, and while they’d been steadily dropping, they’d still been normal. This time they weren’t.”

A wave of dizziness hit her, and she sat right in the middle of the floor so she didn’t pass out. “What does that mean?”

“It can mean several things, and I don’t want to make assumptions yet. I’m going to send it off for more cytology, which I’ll probably get back tomorrow, but I think we’d better schedule a bone marrow biopsy to get a closer look. I can get you in first thing Wednesday morning at eight. Can you make that work?”

“Yes.” She was scheduled at Starbucks, but she’d find someone to cover.

“I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to worry until we have more answers, okay?”

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