Page 105 of If Tomorrow Never Comes

He glanced up, the green in his irises darker than usual. “I told her everything.”

She kept her hand on him, sliding her palm up and down. “By ‘everything,’ you mean ...?”

“How we met before your transplant. That I knew who you were at The Patriarch. That I’m the guy Tiffany brought up that night in front of everyone. Well.” He blew out a puff of air. “That last part she figured out on her own, but I wasn’t going to lie when she asked me point-blank. Figured by now we’ve kept enough secrets already.”

Elliott nodded her head slowly and tried to stay calm. She hadn’t expected him to tell Carly so much.

As if he could read her mind, he went on, “I wasn’t planning on all that. I started off just telling her we were together and asked if she wanted to talk about it. I fucked up and said I was in love with you, and she asked how that was possible when we’d just met. I didn’t know what else to do. So I just told her everything.”

Her heart snagged on his referring to loving her as fucked up but didn’t linger there. He hadn’t meant it that way, probably, and was obviously distressed by this whole thing—and he hadn’t even told her Carly’s reaction yet.

“How’d she take it?”

“She was ... shocked. Got pretty upset. Assumed I broke up with her for you, which is ... only partly true.” He bowed his head and gripped his hair, tightening it in a fist. “I tried to explain it wasn’t just that, but we both knew it was a big part. Because even though we were just friends first, Iwouldhave. Left her for you if you’d so much as given me a hint of interest. No questions asked.” He lifted his face once again, expression miserable. “What kind of man does that make me?”

Elliott reached up, slowly, and pulled his hand away, threading her fingers through his. She didn’t know what to say in this moment. Everything felt wrong. “Whatever kind of person you are, so am I.”

He offered her a sad smile, the equivalent ofThanks for trying to make me feel better. It’s not working, though.

“I’m so sorry, Jamie. I’m sorry Stephen and Tara saw us and that you had to tell her like this. I’m sorry it didn’t go well. But don’t you think with time, things might change? That she might ... get past it, maybe?”

“I don’t know. If she does, it doesn’t seem like it will be anytime soon.”

“Should ... should I call her? Maybe if I talk to her, too—”

He shook his head. “That would probably make it worse. I think it’s best for you to just stay out of it, for now.” He straightened, pulling his hand away from hers. He leaned back against the chair and crossed his arms, staring at the table.

Elliott regarded her empty hand and frowned. She understood he was upset, but she hadn’t expected the distance. He might as well have been across the room.

“Do you still love her?” she asked quietly.

“What?”

She told herself it would be okay if he did. If talking to her yesterday and the emotions that came with it revived prior feelings. “Do you still love her?”

“No. Not the way I love you. I just hate that I hurt her.”

The tightening in her throat loosened a little. “I do, too.”

“I’m sorry I’m ... so off. I just don’t know what to feel right now. Or do. I’m all over the place.”

She wanted to touch him again. Wrap her arms around him or scoot closer, at least. Whatever happened they’d figure it out together, and eventually things would even out.

But he’d pulled away once and now had his arms crossed over his chest, forearms rising and falling with each breath. It apparently wasn’t what he needed right now, something she tried not to read anything into. Yes, ever since the day she’d walked in and kissed him, he’d had his hands on her at every available opportunity, but this was also the first time she’d seen him deal with something tough like this.

Maybe this was normal for him.Carly would know,a tiny voice reminded her, and she jumped to her feet. “Let’s go somewhere.”

He eyed her. “Where?”

“Anywhere. Somewhere fun, where we can forget about this and just be together for a little while. Take a break to smile and laugh. What about an arcade? Mini golf? I’m so awful you’ll be laugh-crying after the first hole, I promise.”

He finished off his water and rubbed at his jaw. “I think I’d rather just hang around here. Is that okay?”

She sat back down. “Sure. Want to watch movies? Cook something? I could go grab some books, and we could sit on the balcony.”

Jamie’s brows pulled together, and he tucked his lower lip between his teeth before he spoke again. “I sort of want to be, um ... on my own for a bit. Alone. I’m still processing some of the stuff she said, and I just think I need to sit with it. Is that okay?”

Oh.That was unexpected and hurt more than she cared to admit. She stood again, feeling ridiculous with all the up and down, but mostly for misreading the situation so badly. Yes, it was a completely reasonable request, and he wasn’t being unkind. He’d said he loved her multiple times throughout the conversation and referred to how much he cared about her.

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