Page 16 of James

It had been a few weeks and Laura still couldn’t get James out of her head. She also couldn’t forget about BDSM. When she reached the one-month mark, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She had been going to bed every night, thinking and dreaming of James. She’d tried masturbating, but wasn’t really getting anywhere and realized she needed more help. She found a place online that promised discretion and ordered a vibrator before she could change her mind. She even splurged for expedited shipping, something she wouldn’t do normally.

The night it came, she went to bed early and got out her new vibrator, a heavy leather belt she hadn’t worn in a while, and some lube. She concentrated on her memories of James for a bit, then decided to see what she could do with her belt. She tried it several different ways before discovering she could get the best effect with it by holding the buckle in front with one hand and then using her other hand to swing the end of it around to hit her buttocks. All the time, she imagined it was James using the belt on her. She remembered his warning when shewas slow in putting herself over his knee, that if she didn’t get down, he would use his belt after the spanking. She spanked herself with the belt repeatedly and realized she was growing damp. She continued a bit longer and then lay on a towel on the bed.

She had gotten a rabbit vibrator that could be used to stimulate both her clit and her pussy. Although she seemed to be quite wet, she put lube on the vibrator anyway. With her buttocks still hot from her spanking, she started in with the vibrator, trying the different settings it offered. She kept thinking of James and imagined he was going down on her again. Gradually, she felt her arousal growing. After about half an hour of active stimulation, she felt like she was on the precipice of something special. She wasn’t sure if it was an orgasm or not, but it felt good. She kept going, but after a few minutes more, she realized her arousal was fading. It was like she needed something extra to take her over the edge and into an orgasm.

Still, it was better than she’d ever managed with her hand alone and it had felt pretty good most of the time. She felt her buttocks which were still a little warm and remembered how it had felt when James had spanked her. She hadn’t liked it at the time – it had really hurt. But looking back, the warmth of his hand and the heat of her buttocks merged into more arousal.

She turned the vibrator to its highest setting and within a few minutes she was back on the precipice. This time she didn’t let herself stop and think about it, but kept going. She made it over the edge, but the orgasm quickly fizzled out. It had been a release, and she felt okay, but it hadn’t been like it was with James and she was beginning to feel like nothing ever would be.

The next day, Laura woke up a little groggy. She had dreamed of James again. Although she’d come last night, it was nothing like the delicious ways James had teased her. Laura considered her options over breakfast. The self-delivered spanking and the vibrator had helped, but it hadn’t been as fulfilling as she’d hoped.

After work, she decided to give Fetlife a try. Her research had told her it was a website where you could learn a lot, as well as meet people and find out about local events. She wished she would have known about itbeforewading through a ton of bad online porn.

Somehow she made it through a day of back-to-back meetings before she rushed back home with a poke bowl and a diet coke from the takeout place near her home. After waiting for her laptop to boot up, she took the first bite and mulled on the website and what it offered.

She wasn’t sure about the events part because she was afraid of running into James. She kind of did want to see him again. The real question was, did he want to see her? After all, he hadn’t come looking for her after the tornado. Then again, she hadn’t gone looking for him either. She wouldn’t even know where to start. They’d exchanged a lot of words the night of the tornado (and some body fluids), but not phone numbers. And to be fair, he might have other priorities right now. He said he was in construction, and Mrs. Shepherd had confirmed that much. He was probably up to his ears in work right now.

As she continued to waffle about James, she found the website and first had to pick a screen name. Hmm, maybe something with ‘Honey’ in it? James had called her that and she liked it. How about ‘Honeylamb’? Her motherhad practically changed her name to that when she was a small child. Maybe HoneyLamb42? Goodness, all these categories to fill out. She’d have to leave most of them blank for now. She didn’t know what a lot of the terms meant. What on earth was a “primal”?

So much stuff. Fetlife had over six million members. Well, maybe she should start simple. Events. That sounded possible. What was happening here in Kansas City? They had all kinds of stuff going on, it seemed. Socials, munches, gatherings, play parties? What was all this stuff? She poked around some more and found a group called “Novices and Newbies.” Now that was the group for her.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The following day, Laura stayed up late again. She’d started reading on Fetlife and before she knew it, it was three hours later and way past her usual bedtime. Her sleep was filled with dreams of a shadowy man wielding a flogger and whip on her and not stopping even when she called “red.” Then the shadows melted and it was James all along, smiling at her tenderly as he silenced her pleading with a ball-gag, telling her in Jake’s voice that no one wanted to hear her fat-cow mooing. Then he pulled her out of her bonds and into his arms, cuddling her until she…

She woke up, already exhausted, with tears drying on her face.

After her nightmare, things didn’t seem so straightforward anymore. Was she capable of trusting James or anyone else with her submission?

After dragging herself through the day, she managed to get her ass to her sister’s and planted at the dinner table. Despite her weariness, she enjoyed the dinner – meatloaf and mac-n-cheese, like their mother used tomake, with mushrooms -- and her mood lightened with every moment around the kids, but she really wanted a chance to talk privately with her sister. The kids chattered about school and their friends, then turned their charm on Laura, begging her to tell them where she was taking them that Saturday.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” she teased. She hadn’t actually given it any thought, and it was already Thursday. She’d have to talk it over with Suzie after dinner. Maybe she could afford a movie this weekend. What with popcorn and soft drinks, a movie with two kids, even at matinee prices, wasn’t cheap.

When the kids were safely out of the room finishing their homework and she and Suzie were cleaning up the kitchen, Laura brought up the subject of BDSM again. “Have you given any more thought to what I was telling you about BDSM, Suze?”

Suzie looked up from the counter she was wiping down, “Yes, I have. I’m not at all sure I like the idea, but I did start reading that book you gave me, and it is smokin’ hot.”

“Yeah, and the reality of being with James was even hotter,” Laura confessed, hugging her waist. “But he hasn’t been in touch with me since and I don’t know how to find him, so I don’t really know what to think. I really liked what he did to me. The whole tying me up thing was incredible, and the orgasm was better than anything I’ve felt before.”Or after, she thought but didn’t voice.

“I knew Jake was an asshole, the way he talked to you. Figures he’d be bad in bed, too” Suzie braced herself on the counter and drew her eyebrows together in a fierce scowl. “What else did he do to you?”

“Oh, I don’t want to talk aboutthat.”

“No, you never do. Not even after you finally left him. But don’t you think that’s part of the problem? If you never talk about it, never let it go, then you’re just carrying it around with you!”

“It’s embarrassing,” Laura hedged.

Suzie was having none of that. “The only embarrassment is his, for being an obnoxious man-baby. You were abused. Yes, you were!” she said in an intense whisper as Laura opened her mouth to protest. “The things I saw and heard were bad enough, it’s the things I didn’t see that scare me. Why are you still making excuses for him?”

“I’m not, I just…” Laura rocked from side to side, almost like she was soothing a baby. A whiny, obnoxious man-baby who would never be content, who only wanted her to try so he could tell her all the ways she failed. She dropped her arms to her side and looked at Suzie. “He knocked me around some. No visible marks, he was smart enough to avoid that, but I had bruised ribs a couple of times. The last time was when I cut my head… when he pushed me and I fell into the table and hit my head,” she corrected, “and told you and Dad it was an accident.”

“I fucking knew it,” Suzie breathed and glanced toward the doorway, where the distant sounds of children debating fractions could be heard.

“That’s when I realized I had to get out. I’m glad he wasn’t one of those exes who won’t let their wives leave. I did have to get a restraining order against him though. Dad helped me and I made him promise not to tell you. You had so much on your plate with Richard and the children.”

“Oh Laura, you should have told me. I would have been there for you if I’d only known. There’s nothing tobe embarrassed about. Thank God you got away so cleanly.” Suzie reached out and enveloped Laura in a tight hug.

Laura let out a long sigh and hugged her back.

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