Page 33 of James

“Can I make a safety call?” she asked. “I’ve heard it’s a good idea the first time you’re playing with someone to let a friend know, in case something happens.”

“You’ve been doing a lot of research on BDSM, haven’t you?” James said admiringly.

“Yes, I have.”

“Of course you can.” He stroked a lock of hair that came loose from her French twist behind her ear. “It’s a splendid idea, in fact. I’m sure both Kate and Julie would be happy to back you up and vouch for me. You could also call someone outside of the scene, like your sister.”

Laura decided to be safe, though she trusted James. She made a quick call and left a message on Julie’s voice mail, explaining where she was and that she would call again in the morning.

She had been nervous up to that point, but now there came a sort of calm serenity. Yes, it was her choice. Laura stepped inside the condo and went straight for the bedroom. She put her shoes under a chair in the corner and then dropped her clothes on it. Naked, she went over to the rug and knelt as she had been instructed. Then she waited. She had no idea of the time. It could have been minutes, but probably had only been seconds until she heard the door close.

James walked around the bed. Laura’s back itched, but she kept her eyes on the ground, her senses straining for clues. He opened some drawers, rummaged around, closed them. Soft rustles on the bed. Soft footsteps on the carpet. The creak of the headboard.

Oh, she desperately wanted to peek at what he was doing, but she knew she shouldn’t.

His dress shoes appeared in front of her, and his hand stroked her bent head, “Good girl. You have no idea howhappy I am with the choice you made. You look perfect, honey.” Then he bent, his lips against her ear, to growl, “Are you ready?”

This was it, the last chance, the moment of no return.

“Yes,” said Laura. “Sir.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

She looked perfect here in his domain. James's pulse quickened as he savored this moment. He would have gone with the vanilla stuff, but having her submitting this soon was a dream come true.

Okay, he told himself, focus. He had to make this good for her, but he also should make clear how a D/s relationship worked. Either she was in or out, halfway didn’t exist for him in the lifestyle. He had pulled the Velcro restraints from under his mattress. Several toys and lube now lay on his nightstand.

He was ready. He sure hoped she was. “Go and lay down in the middle of the bed, face up,” he ordered.

Laura scrambled to her feet and did as she was told.

“I’m going to restrain you,” he explained. “Remember your safewords. ‘Red’ means you need me to stop and the scene will be over. ‘Yellow’ if you have questions or need me to slow down.”

“Yellow and red, I know, Sir,” she replied promptly and with confidence.

James went around the bed, tying her down like astarfish. Then he sank down on the edge of the bed and said in a voice devoid of any humor, “It’s later.”

She flinched, her arms pulling at her bindings, but only for an instant. Her muscles unlocked and slowly relaxed. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “Yes,” without looking at him.

“I thought we had a connection at the laundromat,” said James “I understand how it feels when that connection breaks and you don’t know how to find it again, but then when we did meet again…”

“I know.”

“That night was special for me. Wasn’t it for you? Why, Laura? What happened?”

She sighed unhappily and shook her head, her eyes still closed tight against him “It’s going to sound silly, but at the hospital, the doctor saw some bruises on my arms where you, um, held me.”

“I’m sorry,’ James said at once, his eyes darting to her arms as if he thought they’d still be there.

“Believe me, I’m not. I probably left a few on you, too. But the point is, the doctor asked me some questions I wasn’t prepared to answer and… and some of my experiences with Jake came rushing back at me.” Laura opened her eyes, shiny with old pain. “I know it’s different, but there’s a part of me… I don’t know. I want to be happy and I know I deserve to be, but I don’t know how. I know how to be unloved and I know I can survive that, so even though it hurt when I thought I was just a notch on your bedpost, it also felt… familiar? And safe? In a weird, wrong way, but even the wrong way can feel right when it’s all you’ve known. Oh, that sounds so stupid and melodramatic out loud,” she scolded herself, shutting her eyes again

“No,” said James softly. “It doesn’t. Go on.”

“And then there you were again, and youhadbeen looking and suddenly, I had to face the fact that I’d… just… given up on you, so easily, and for what? Because it felt safer without you. BecauseIfelt safer being abandoned. I don’t want to be that person. I want to be…”

She trailed off and then shook her head, leaving the hopeful words unfinished. In a new acid tone, she said, “You know about Jake, so you could say my judgment in men is lacking. I knew what had happened that night, how… wonderful it was… but hearing them ask those questions again, I made the same old stupid excuses, and it made me question all of it, even when I knew better. It wasn’t anything you did. I was afraid and embarrassed. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted you there. I know, I know, it’s so unreasonable and wrong, but I wanted you and you weren’t there!”

Understanding washed over James, his muscles relaxing as a sense of relief flooded through him. “So you ran.”

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