Page 5 of Pucking Secret

I’m just… numb. It’s like my body has shut down my emotions because it knows if I could feel anything right now, I’d shatter into a million little pieces.

My brain has gone into survival mode.

Opening the door, I step into the house and drop my bookbag on the floor next to me. I just want to go upstairs, bury myselfin my bed, and try to wake up from this nightmare I’ve found myself in.

“Stacey Dixon.” My mother’s voice is hot and furious. “What thehellis this?”

I freeze mid-stride at the sharp sound of Mom’s rage. Slowly, I turn to find her standing in the doorway to the kitchen, her green eyes flashing with fury. She’s still wearing her blue scrubs from her shift at the hospital, and her red hair is pulled back into a tight bun at the back of her head. She’s holding up her hand and I see that she’s clutching…

Oh, fuck.

She’s holding my positive pregnancy test.

“Where… where did you get that?”

“I was gathering the bathroom trash to take it out. It fell out of the bin when I was dumping it.” She throws the plastic stick onto the floor at my feet. “Are you fucking pregnant, Stacey?”

Just like that, my numbness vanishes, burned away by the overwhelming fear pulsing through me. My pain at finding Owen’s house empty slices through me like razor blades and I nearly double over as my stomach pitches. I think I might be sick.

When I’m able to get my emotions under control enough that I can focus, I look back up and meet my mom’s gaze. Her glare hasn’t ceased

“Yes,” I whisper. “I am.”

She explodes.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Stacey? What have I always told you? You need to focus on your future. Keep your head down, get good grades, go to college. Make something of yourself! How many single, pregnant 18-year-olds make it through medical school, huh? You’ve fucked that all up now, haven’t you? You’ve thrown your future away because you couldn’t keep your goddamn legs closed.”

I wince, each one her accusations whips against me like a physical blow. I knew she’d be furious. I knew she’d blame me, that I’ve ruined my life. It doesn’t make her harsh words hurt any less.

“Mom, please, I didn’t mean?—”

“Of course you didn’t mean to get knocked up,” she hisses. “Do you think I meant to get pregnant with you when I was nineteen? No! I had so many plans and goals for myself, but I had to put all that aside because I had to be a parent. Do you think you’re ready for this, Stacey? Do you think you can give up everything to raise this baby?”

Tears form in my eyes as anger and hurt rushes through me.

“I’m well aware that I’m the biggest mistake you ever made!” I shout, my voice trembling with pain. “You’ve made a point to tell me my whole life all about the sacrifices you had to make in order to raise me. I get it! I messed up, but I’m going to figure this out.”

She rolls her eyes and scoffs. “You have no idea what you’re in for. And what about the father? I’m assuming it’s Owen’s baby? What’s he going to do to step up for his child?”

I press my lips tight together, not wanting to admit that he’s gone. That he never responded to my voicemail telling him about the pregnancy.

That I’m totally alone in this.

“Well?” Mom puts her hands on her hips and stares at me expectantly. “What did he say when you told him?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I murmur, dropping my gaze from hers.

There’s a beat of silence and then she lets out a bark of bitter laughter.

“Oh, fantastic! Not only is my teenage daughter pregnant, but her baby daddy is flaking out on her. This is perfect. Just perfect, Stacey! I guess you can kiss Wisconsin—Madison goodbye now, huh?”

My tears are rushing down my cheeks now and I sob, “Mom, please… stop…”

“And you’d better not expect me to take care of this baby for you,” she continues, completely ignoring my growing distress. “I have a life of my own and a demanding career that I’m not going to sacrifice to clean up your mess. I’ve worked too hard and too long to build a life for myself. When I got pregnant, I did what I needed to. Put in the time and the work motherhood required. And you are going to do the same. I refuse to do it all over again because my daughter made a terrible mistake, you understand?”

“I don’t want your help!” I scream, reaching the limit of my control. She can preach all she wants about pulling myself up by my bootstraps like she did or whatever, but I know the truth. She doesn’t want to help me because she doesn’t want to give up her social life. Her partying and her boyfriends. Mom lost out on going wild in her twenties like every other normal college student, so she’s been making up for lost time since I’m older and able to take care of myself. “I don’t want you anywhere near me or my baby! The last thing I want is to have you spreading your bitterness to us. I’m not going to end up like you, Mom. I’m going to love this child with everything I have and they will never feel like a burden or a mistake. That’s all I’ve ever been to you, right? Nothing but a fucking mistake you can’t get rid of!”

“Don’t you talk to me like that!” she thunders, new rage flashing in her eyes—I’ve drawn blood. “I’ve given you everything. Everything! I made sure you had every opportunity to be a success. I worked my ass off to provide you with a good life. You’re a smart girl, Stacey. You had a bright future, but you’ve pissed it all away because some boy convinced you to let him stick it in.”

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