Page 44 of Cold as (N)ice

“I’ll just bet,” she chuckled, moving slightly to touch the large dresser beside them. “Nice color. I like the gray.”

“Me too.”

“Calming.”

“Our haven,” he said quietly – and she turned, her eyes meeting his.

Barrett was watching her, waiting, almost like he was giving her space to find her footing, letting her take the lead where any of this went next.

“It’s beautiful,” she admitted.

“But you aren’t crying, so I must have been ‘off’ on my choices for this one…”

“Actually, you are spot-on.”

“No big emotional response though?” he chuckled tenderly, angling his head slightly, obviously watching her response. Looking at him, it was hard to hold back all the things she wasfeeling, and the words she was so afraid to admit were forming in the back of her throat. She’d been hurt so badly, rejected by the one person who was supposed to care for her, for their family, and had ended up alone, picking up the pieces, and now she was feeling all of that again – but with an intensity that was staggering. Instead, she offered the one thing she could say that could be interpreted by him, yet would satisfy the urge to say the unthinkable.

“I think I’m finally home,” she whispered softly, holding his gaze and saw him swallow in awareness. Neither of them was ready to admit something was there, even if they were barreling forward at a breakneck speed toward the same result.

“Welcome home, Troll doll,” he smiled tenderly, holding out his hand to her.

“I’m happy to be here… Dumpster fire,” she replied and met his smile with her own, realizing that neither was saying it hurtful at all, but as a silent teasing nod to the other, almost like it was a personal moment between them. He cracked first, chuckling, before pulling her back into his arms and hugging her again.

13

COEUR

A week later,they were finally falling into a routine around the house and, thankfully, everything was going well. Stephen had started his new school, and he was able to meet the teacher with Irene.

Barrett knew Irene could handle it alone, but there was something important about being there for both of them if they needed anything, almost like silent support. A part of him felt guilty for all the changes he was dragging them through, which is why he was trying to spoil them. The Gameboy, the minivan, the rooms set up at the house, all of it. He wanted them happy because they made him feel that way.

Today was Irene’s first doctor’s appointment. He was going to be late to practice, but thankfully approved by the coach, who understood. He knew she was nervous because she hadn’t said much at all this morning, not even when he brought her coffee in bed. There was only one time that she admitted that she was frightened and overwhelmed about the possibility of the baby having a defect – and he hoped for both of their sakes that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t that it mattered to him, but he wanted morechildren someday. If something was wrong, it might affect her willingness to do so - if they ever took those steps forward.

“Oh man, I hope so too…” he muttered under his breath, bouncing his foot nervously, feeling his heart clench wildly in his chest at the idea of intimacy with his wife.

“You hope what?” she asked softly in a hushed voice.

“I hope we get to do a sonogram today,” he ad-libbed, trying to cover up his own thoughts, and saw her nod just before her cheeks turned pink as she looked away.

“The first visit is usually a complete workup. Blood work, urine test, ultrasound, history, measuring the fundus, and…”

“Measuring thewhat?” he gaped, turning and looking at her quickly. “Did you just drop the ‘f’ word on me?”

“It’s the measurement from the pubis to the top of the…”

“Okay – that’s another word we don’t say unless we’re in bed,” he blurted out distractedly, not bothering to lower his voice causing several women to chuckle around them.

“Is this your first child?” one woman asked, looking at them.

“Yes,” he said – as Irene answered ‘No.’

“Barrett,” Irene whispered, tugging his hand and urging him closer so she could whisper to him. “They use a bunch of anatomical terms, and there’s nothing sexual about it.”

“Can we make it that way?” he whispered back fervently, gazing at her as her beautiful eyes widened, her lips parted, and then she burst out laughing in his face.

Ego. Completely. Shriveled.

“You’re so funny,” she chuckled, patting his hand. “I swear, you kill me sometimes.”

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