Page 7 of Jace

I’ve put myself into this situation, but that acceptance doesn’t make it any easier to deal with it all.

I hear a car door and look up just in time to catch Aurora jogging across the street toward the shop. She’s wearing a loose skirt as it flows out behind her. A fitted red top that hangs off one shoulder, I love when she wears that color. Her long dark hair is down, cascading down her back behind her as she hurries toward the door.

My hand is on the handle and I’m giving it a tug before I can talk myself out of it. Stepping out of the car I slam my door and turn back with every intention of going to her, just as the front door opens. Immediately I feel like I’ve been kicked in the nuts all over again. My best friend, the guy I thought I could always rely on to be in my corner is handing me yet another blow. He may not have hit me back this afternoon, but he sure knows how to make me feel it deep.

Aurora reaches out linking her arm with Zac’s as they walk side by side back toward her car. When he leads her toward the passenger door and helps her inside, it literally feels like all the air has been sucked out of my lungs. I feel light headed while leaning back against the side of my car, needing the support so my legs don’t crumble beneath me.

She climbs inside and Zac says something that makes her laugh before shutting the door. Her head is thrown back, a smile stretched wide across her beautiful lips. There has never been a time her smile didn’t light me up from the inside. The problem is that I’m rarely responsible for that smile.

Zac turns walking toward the front of her car and that’s when he sees me. His steps falter, we stare, neither saying a word. Like we are frozen unsure of what move to make next. In that moment not only do I feel like I’ve lost my chance with the perfect girl, but I feel like I’ve lost my brother too.

When I can’t take it anymore, I make the decision for the both of us. I climb back inside my car, starting it and tearing away from the curb.My tires squealing, my chest on fire.

Fuck this and fuck them.

“You want another one handsome?” I look over to my left to find Kendra standing a little too close. Her tits brushing against my arm, but its normal for her. She’s worked at Willy’s for years, and everyone knows Kendra. Some a little more than others, I being one of those many, right here on this very bar if I’m remembering clearly.

“I’ll take one more,” I hold up my glass and give it a little shake. The large cube of ice rattling in the glass cup. “Make it a double.”

She takes the glass, offers me a wink before walking away shaking her ass.

My phone has been blowing up for the last two hours, Daxton, Oliver, and Luna. All of them checking in, I assume.

I’d called Burt my five-thirty appointment and told him I’d had an emergency. Rescheduling him for the same time tomorrow I never went back to Deranged. I know tomorrow I’ll have the same problem just a different day, but for tonight I needed space.

I needed to clear my head and make a choice. Accept that I’d see Aurora and Zac together or change my life so I didn’t have to see it at all.

The idea of walking away was something I never thought I’d ever have to consider.

“Here you go,” Kendra whispers smoothly near my ear as she places the glass of whiskey on the table before me. “Rough day?” Again she leans in and brushes her chest against my arm. “Maybe I could help make it better.”

I allow the idea of a repeat between her and I to linger in my mind. I could let go, I could get a little lost in some meaningless sex, but Zac’s words from earlier haunt me.

“Tonight when you’re nailing some random girl, remember you dug that hole. You are the only person who can make the choice to stop being a fucking douche.”

“I got plans tonight,” I tell her, knowing that the only thing I’m gonna do is head back to my place and beat the hell out of my bags again.

Being with Aurora was easy, comfortable even. The hassling of each other, the general flow of our relationship felt like something I’d been living for years. But then the doubt would hit me and I would find myself second guessing myself. It would always end the same, me convincing myself that I would somehow hurt her and in the end, she would hate me. They would all hate me because Aurora had quickly become part of our family. When Bree came along so did Ror; they are a package deal.

So I’d do what I always do, I withdrew. I’d pretend that the feelings she inflicted weren’t anything but lust and I’d make some dirty comment or worse, I’d kiss her like she wasn’t nothing special and I’d feel sick from it every time.

Aurora deserves more. She deserves a guy that can give her the life that Daxton is busting his nuts daily to give Bree. She deserved a man that wasn’t constantly teetering the edge of destruction. A man she could trust with her heart, and I wasn’t that man.

I didn’t know how to be.

“I don’t mind a few extra participants.” I’d forgotten Kendra was still at my side until she spoke, offering up something that I’d normally be all in for. A threesome, hell a four of five-some, I knew her well enough to know her limits were minimal.

The woman was me wrapped in a pretty blond package and for the first time in longer than I could remember I wasn’t up for it.

“Maybe another time.” I drain the contents of my glass and toss a twenty onto the table. Standing, I give her one last glance to find her pouting playfully.

Stepping outside the cool night air hit me and I tilt my head up to the night sky. Breathing it in, I feel the haze of the alcohol and know instantly that I can’t drive in my condition. Normally this would be the point in time when I’d call Zac but he was out with a gorgeous brunette doing who the fuck knows. My stomach coils as all the options run through my mind.

Shaking off the images, I turn and place my hand on the brick wall, dragging my palm over the jagged edges.

Again I close my eyes as I slowly start to walk toward the shop.

It is late and I don’t expect anyone to be there. I figure I can sleep it off, get up before anyone knew I was there and head home for a shower before I had to ink anyone tomorrow.

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