Page 94 of Something Like Fate

This is the one time I wish we didn’t have the ability to communicate silently. We should talk this through, for real. But like the coward I am, I offer us a way out. “Even if you tell her it didn’t mean anything, she’ll never believe it.”

He rakes his fingers through the sand silently. “She’ll have to.”

I note the tense.She’ll have to.The pit in my stomach expands, and I know what I have to do. I have to let him go. Because if I truly care about him, I won’t stand in the way of his happiness.

“It’s hard to believe it’s our second-to-last day,” Teller says, breaking the long stretch of silence. “You ready for normal life?”

I hesitate. “I don’t know if I’m going back. Not Thursday, at least.”

“Wait, what? Really? You’re staying here with Caleb?”

“Yeah. I’m considering it. Just for a few weeks. Maybe a month? I honestly don’t know.”

“And when you go back for school, what will he do?”

I turn my gaze down. “Well, about that ... I’m actually not going back. I’m going to defer a semester. Maybe even a year.”

He straightens his spine. “Really?”

“I know you think it’s stupid. But I was honestly about to do it before Caleb, before the vision. I’ve just felt so out of place. I hate all my classes. I—” I pause, overwhelmed, unable to continue through increasingly shallow breathing.

He places his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay, Lo. You don’t have to explain yourself. Just breathe, like we did on the plane.”

I take a few moments, practicing Teller’s technique.Count to seven, and slowly let it out for seven.

My breathing gradually goes back to a steady rhythm. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“No, really, though. I should have told you earlier.”

“Why didn’t you?” he asks.

“Because I was embarrassed. I didn’t tell anyone. Not even my dad. I thought you would think it was a rash decision and try to change my mind. Everyone’s said that if I stick with it, I’ll find something I love. And I really tried, but there’s just something about college ... about the lectures and the studying, the labs, and all the freakin’ theory. I’d rather bedoingsomething, you know?”

“I get where you’re coming from,” he says evenly. “You were iffy about it even when we were applying in high school. Maybe it does make sense to take the year and figure things out.”

I’m taken aback. “I thought you’d argue with me. Tell me it’s the worst idea you’ve ever heard.”

“It gives me anxiety, for sure. Not the deferral, but you staying here.”

I huff. “You’re telling me. This is the guy who left me in Florence. How do I know he won’t do it again? Leave me in some random city? And this time, you won’t be there.” I realize that’s a huge reason I’m so uneasy—the prospect of Caleb leaving me again.

“I don’t think he’ll do it again, Lo. And if he does, you come home. Call me and I’ll pick you up from the airport.”

“Thanks, Tel. I just hope this is the right choice.”

“If there’s any reason to travel around in a foreign country, it’s to be with the love of your life.” I can tell he’s being genuine. I don’t know why I’m surprised that everyone is on board with me staying (well, we’ll see about Dad). All signs point to this being the right choice. Maybe I’m just looking for excuses to buck against the course charted for me.

“Fate,” I finally say.

His mouth curves up in the smallest smile. “Exactly. Fate, or something like it.”

“But if it’s really fate, why doesn’t it feel easy?”

“Nobody said it was easy,” he says, bumping his shoulder into mine.

I roll my eyes at him. “You did not just quote Coldplay lyrics to me.”

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